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New FULL TIME Nanna struggling

(114 Posts)
Cait73 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:10:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cait73 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:12:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlingLoving Thu 05-Dec-19 15:14:46

I think there's a whole grandparent site actually! grin.

If you are his main carer and you are also doing it alone I'm amazed your'e avoided a childminder this long! Get yourself some help asap! A few hours (and I'd recommend twice a week, not once because a) he is less likely to need resettling every time and b) it gives you more options) will change your life!

JoanieCash Thu 05-Dec-19 15:21:28

I was going to give you a lot of sympathy and then realised you’re 46! Plenty of people I think heir forties still desperately trying to conceive! But I hear you!

sunshinesupermum Thu 05-Dec-19 15:22:09

Try Gransnet?

piscis Thu 05-Dec-19 15:22:57

Do you mean you are caring for him while his parents work? or he is in your care all the time?

PleaseGiveMeAShake Thu 05-Dec-19 15:24:17

Contact the little ones health visitor they can help with this.
And if he has a social worker they can also support you with this.
There is also charities that support grandparents raising their grandchildren if you have a look on Google they will show you your local ones.
A nursery/child minder is a great idea even just for a day to give you a little time. And depending on your situation you may get some funding for this.
As for your food shop is it possible to get it delivered.
Your doing amazing! flowers

Liland Thu 05-Dec-19 15:24:48

I'd go for 2 morning sessions or similar, so he can get used to the setting, and you have twice weekly breaks for you and to get on top of home admin! Good luck with the new little one, he must need some good love smile

Atalune Thu 05-Dec-19 15:24:56

46??!!

I’m 43, and your post offends me! Jesus. I ran a marathon this year, work full time, have 2 children under ten and a DH who works away. Ok I’m out of the sleepless nights but still!

But I would go for a CM, both my kids were with a CM from around that age and it was fine. I would do 1.5 days myself.

LongLiveThePenis Thu 05-Dec-19 15:25:10

Didn't you post this same question yesterday?
If not, sorry it sounds very familiar.
Of course you can send him to a childminder for a break, he might need settling in sessions but it'll do you good.

Nonnymum Thu 05-Dec-19 15:26:17

10Cait73 Gransnet is a site for Grans and older women in general.

irregularegular Thu 05-Dec-19 15:27:12

I think looking after an 11m year old full time without any help from a partner/relatives/childcare is very challenging whatever your age (you are younger than me, but I have teens). If you think a bit of help from a childminder would he helpful then go for it, why not?

Are there any other family members or close friends who would give you a break. Could you make friends with some of the other carers from playgroup and do some things together. It can be less wearing to do things in a small group where you can all keep an eye on each other's children and sympathize with each other!

Apolloanddaphne Thu 05-Dec-19 15:27:13

I get the impression OP has full time care of him. I hear you OP. I babysit for a friend once a week. 2 hours with a 3 year old and I am done in!

You are a hero for giving him a home and you would not be unreasonable to book him into a childminder for a few sessions a week to get a break. I am guessing if he doesn't have you then the next alternative might be foster care? If so then a short break each week is something which would avoid this and allow him to remain in your care.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:28:42

46??!!

I’m 43, and your post offends me! Jesus. I ran a marathon this year, work full time, have 2 children under ten and a DH who works away. Ok I’m out of the sleepless nights but still!

Uh... congratulations? confused

CabbagePatchKids Thu 05-Dec-19 15:30:04

It doesn't sound like the OP planned to take on an 11mo. She's adjusting to her new lifestyle and is asking for advice. It doesn't matter how old she is!

Good for you OP your grandchild is so lucky to have you!

Definitely look into a childminder or nursery for a couple of mornings a week. Will you go back to work? Or are you planning on staying at home.

Do you have family to help at all? It's hard work so don't feel bad for finding it a bit much at times!

Atalune Thu 05-Dec-19 15:33:35

aqua I was being facetious.

But actually I work bloody hard, and although your derision was palpable, I’ll take the congratulations as you didn’t intend it. So thanks! And Merry Christmas to you. May you hold on to what you love.

op look into a local childminder. Enjoy a well deserved break.

Annasgirl Thu 05-Dec-19 15:35:33

Hi OP, I'm older than you and have 3 young DC!!!!

Congrats and well done for being there for your grandchild. He is so lucky to have you. Boys are a lot of work and at that age they are very tiring.

Do you have any family near you like a sister, niece, nephew or brother who could give you a hand? Do any of your friends have young children?

You could try and connect with older mums in your area who could help you out and give you advice. Also, if you have been given care of your grandson by social services, perhaps they can give you some help with toddler care 2-3 mornings a week? I mean, it is in their interest and the child's to keep him with you so they will want to support you to ensure you can continue to care for him.

Once again, well done, and I am sure someone will be along with concrete solutions.

Purpleartichoke Thu 05-Dec-19 15:41:44

I’m 45 and I can’t fathom doing all
That again right now. My dd is 10 and that is enough work for me. I have a friend about to give birth. She is finding this pregnancy much harder than the last and she was 41 for that one.

My recs are
Childproof you’re space as much as possible
Embrace grocery delivery. I get everything except my produce and nicer meat delivered. Those I go buy in person and as needed so the trip is smaller.
Get a backpack or a sling bag as your diaper bag. It distributes the weight across your body better and leaves you with two hands free.

81Byerley Thu 05-Dec-19 15:42:09

I sympathise! It will get easier as you get used to the situation. I'd agree with the others who have suggested twice a week. It will be much easier for the child, especially at that age.

lifeisgoodagain Thu 05-Dec-19 15:42:10

You are my age, not sure I'm up for another, they are tiring. But do get help if you need it, ensure you get the support you need for professionals too because I'm guessing there's a back story and even so young they can be affected

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Thu 05-Dec-19 15:46:32

You’ve actually already asked this question and got a lot of answers and support.

Shinyletsbebadguys Thu 05-Dec-19 15:50:00

I'm honestly amazed that posters who trip on and trill that they are doing so much more and you are actually offended .....think that your response is anything other than nasty vitriolic and self obsessed.

The woman asked for advice and support and all you had to say is that you are doing more and she should get a grip....what is wrong with you.

OP there is nothing wrong with having help and please don't let the self obsessed idiots make you feel bad. It's a far cry from having 20 years between young hildren in whatever scenario. Have a childminder there's no shame in having a break.

Please ignore the "I fixed a house , saved the world all whilst having two babies and mending my own knickers " brigade. They are either talking rubbish or have such low self esteem they need to feel superior.

Most people would struggle a little in your scenario. Hell I'm nearly 41 and frankly if I suddenly got thrown into the toddler baby years again it would be a shock.

Be kind to yourself and do what works.

ChessIsASport Thu 05-Dec-19 15:53:54

Do you have a Homestart in your area? They are a great organisation who help families with young children who just need a bit of extra help.

You could get a volunteer to come over for a few hours a week to play with your Grandson while you get housework done or have a shower etc. I can imagine that it is hard work getting used to having a baby full time again so suddenly.

raspberrymolakoff Thu 05-Dec-19 17:04:15

There is gransnet but you're in loco parentis so have plenty in common with people here. There are quite a few grannies here too including me.

My heart goes out to you. I've often thought how would I cope. I have my grandchildren quite a lot but rarely overnight. After a full day I'm shattered, my friend has her GDD from 7am to 4pm daily but your commitment is in another league.

If no one has posted it already (always wish I could see previous posts whilst writing) try contacting this support group:

https://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk

Can you apply for any help as a carer? I'm sure there will be knowledgable people along soon to help you with what's available. In the meantime please accept my huge respect.

raspberrymolakoff Thu 05-Dec-19 17:08:58

I am 20 years older than you but you haven't mentioned your own health. People on here assume you're well and active. I assume you're in this situation from something sad, I can't think of a happy reason for this outcome and for all I know you may have your own problems and didn't expect to be in this place at this stage.

I had my 5th child at 33 and really noticed how much more tired I was than those in my 20s. I don't care if you're 39 you're facing a huge commitment and I wish you well.

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