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3 year old DD keeps saying she's a boy

(33 Posts)
MotherOfLittlePeople Mon 02-Dec-19 13:35:34

My 3 year old DD keeps saying things like
"When I grow big I'm going to be a boy"
When I ask what she is she will say "a boy".

She only really plays with boys at school but the teacher said she thinks it's because the boys will do as she says where as the girls don't.

Do I go along with it? I have been saying no you are a girl but this seems to make her say it more.

hardyloveit Mon 02-Dec-19 13:39:48

She is a girl. My 3 year old says she's a horse sometimes or a unicorn.

If your thinking that your child is wanting to become a transgender then please wait until she is much older.

Bobbiepin Mon 02-Dec-19 13:41:21

Say 'ok then' and move on. If she is trans this will continue and be a bigger thing. Don't make a big deal of it and it'll either be something she talks more about as she gets older or a phase that goes away.

Milicentbystander72 Mon 02-Dec-19 13:42:07

I wouldn't over think this at this age.

My dd is 14. She often used to say she rushed she was a boy. She preferred playing with boys, preferred 'boy' clothes and toys and refused to own anything pink or remotely considered 'girl' on fancy dress days she went as boy characters and auditioned for boy roles in school productions (and sometimes got them!).

Now at 14 she knows she's not a boy. She loves women and is proud of being a girl and all the things that girls can do. She has feminist views which I only see as a positive.

She still has close friends who are boys but it's equal with girls. She likes having a nice haircut and wears a bit of make up. She still doesn't own a skirt though!

At aged 3 impulse just say things like "yes boys are great but girls can do anything boys can" etc and just repeat.

Milicentbystander72 Mon 02-Dec-19 13:42:34

Rushed = wished

Simkin Mon 02-Dec-19 13:43:22

My DD used to say this. I used to say it as a child. TBH I wouldn't mind being a man when I grow up, they have it easier.

Just don't react and let her do/dress/play as she likes. It'll pass or it won't, but getting worried about it won't make it pass quicker. The opposite in fact.

MamaDane Mon 02-Dec-19 13:43:26

Have you asked her why she thinks that way?

ChilliMum Mon 02-Dec-19 13:43:52

Tell her she's amazing and can be whatever she wants when she grows up smile I second the previous poster whose child wanted to be a unicorn most likely she will want to be many things between now and adulthood I wouldn't worry at this stage.

Tablepicture Mon 02-Dec-19 13:44:11

3 year olds say all kinds of things, I really wouldn't read much into it. My 3 year old told me that when she was a baby she was a boy but now she is a girl. Then the next day she told me that when she was a baby she was the baby Jesus (they're doing a nativity at nursery...)

Twickerhun Mon 02-Dec-19 13:46:15

My three year old boy calls all girls ‘boys’. At three they are still young and un predictable. you just need to love them for what they are and not worry about any labels

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead Mon 02-Dec-19 13:51:32

My son was a girl at playgroup, age 3

He kept it up for a year, he even wore a name tag with his chosen girl's name.

The playgroup leader said it was quite normal for 3 yr olds to experiment with their identity

We let him be a "girl" whenever he wanted, not made a big fuss about it, neither discourage, encourage nor disapprove

For him it was a phase. He is now a teen and not gender confused. He still has a lot of friends who are girls

Whatdidisay Mon 02-Dec-19 13:52:04

My dd wanted to be a boy at 3...... shes now the most girlie girl i know!

justanotherlemontree Mon 02-Dec-19 13:54:03

My DS said he wanted to be a mummy when he grew up. He also thought that all babies were girls (he has a younger sister) and grew penises later grin (what happened to their vulvas, I don’t know).

Kids eh? Enjoy it.

mindutopia Mon 02-Dec-19 13:57:53

I wouldn't overthink it. If in time it becomes a more persistent thing, you can have conversations about gender identity then. But I think this is a pretty normal thing for most kids. I remember my dd found the boy/girl thing fairly perplexing at 2/3. Her best friend was a boy and it was strange to her that there was a difference between them when it wasn't necessarily a natural distinction in her mind. She would also use the wrong pronouns for everyone - she'd say 'he' for people who were obviously women and 'she' for people who were obviously men. I would just re-direct the conversation. She'll figure it out in time. If it's still a thing in a year or two, then you can have a different sort of conversation.

Madaboutthem2 Mon 02-Dec-19 13:59:12

Mine went through this and came back out of it. She's nearly five and it started when her brother was born and she thought words like son were nicer than daughter. She was thinking of the ball in the sky though.

Throwawayteachere Mon 02-Dec-19 14:06:22

My 3 year old neice was always a boy and sad she didn't have any boy parts. Now she's 4 she is all Disney princesses and refuses to wear pink leggings as they are too boyish for her! It's probably a phase and if it isn't you will know when she is still saying it in 5/10 years.

ShadowStar Mon 02-Dec-19 14:08:30

I wouldn’t overthink it too much right now.

DS2 went through a phase of saying he was a girl at about that age. When I asked him about it, he’d talk about things like wanting to be a mummy when he grew up, or that he liked pink so he had to be a girl because only girls are allowed to like pink, and so on.

He’s a few years older now and very definite that he’s a boy.

Thatagain Mon 02-Dec-19 14:18:31

My gs thinks he is a t rex. No joke he really thinks he is a dinosaur and tries to scare people in the shops. If you call him he would raur at you. Children have wonderful imaginations.

Preggosaurus9 Mon 02-Dec-19 14:24:35

Agree that "ok" and continue with normal life is the way to respond to a 3yo. My 3yo tells me he's a car. A big red racing car that goes really fast. Sometimes he's a truck though, woe betide you if you fail to read his mind and know that today is not a car day..

Nixee2231 Mon 02-Dec-19 14:30:02

I was adamant to grow up to be a tree when I was a toddler. So I wouldn't overthink it.

Answerthequestion Mon 02-Dec-19 14:33:31

She’s 3 you go with it and don’t give it a moments thought

Marcipex Mon 02-Dec-19 14:36:34

It’s perfectly normal, please don’t make a thing of it. I was going to be Robinson Crusoe, until I read about a little girl who lived in the Alps and switched allegiance.
DGD is a cat ( or a mermaid, I can’t keep up).

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Mon 02-Dec-19 14:38:12

That's how my DD was, she would only wear boys' clothes and shoes and only played with boys and kept her hair cut very short and wanted to be a boy when she grew up. I just let her do what she wanted. Most strangers (like shops assistants or waiters) assumed she was a boy and we just let it pass. She started to get girlier when she was around nine, still wore boys' clothes but played with both girls and boys and started to let her hair grow. Now she's in secondary school, has long hair, wears a skirt as part of her school uniform (she could wear trousers if she wants to) and mostly hangs around with girls.

I don't think it's worth overthinking it at all, maybe she'll grow out of it and maybe she won't, both are absolutely fine but you might as well just let her be herself and not worry.

Velveteenfruitbowl Mon 02-Dec-19 14:38:31

Three year olds don’t really understand the difference between girls and boys. Explain it to her (as well as things that are not differences like liking pink or having short hair).

BaronessBomburst Mon 02-Dec-19 14:38:48

DS wanted to be a cat. He'd drink water out of a bowl on the floor and in reception he'd sit under the teacher's desk and purr.
He grew out of it. grin

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