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Not return daughter

(16 Posts)
KhanMaddi3123 Mon 02-Dec-19 07:08:45

My eleven year old daughter lives with her mother.

My daughter and her two half sisters have a social worker due to concerns of neglect and having a man around the children that hurts the one half sister (she has lots of bruises on her from where he has hurt her)

It's got to the point where, when I collect her from her mothers house, it smells of wee and poo and nothing is clean, my diaghter doesn't even have a bedroom as her mother has put her on a sofa bed in the living room and used the box room as a storage room.

My daughter is always very smelly and dirty when I collect her and all her clothes smell of wee and poo.

She keeps saying that her mom is leaving her alone with her two siblings who are very young for upto 6 hours at a time on weekends that we don't have her and that this man her mother has around her is nasty to her and keeps taking her things off her.

With all going on and the risk of her being taken off her mom would I be wrong to not return her to her mother after I have her with me for a weekend. I am able to provide her with a more stable environment than her mother is.

I am on her birth certificate so have parental responsibility and there's no court orders in place.

OverByYer Mon 02-Dec-19 07:14:00

If you have PR and you have those concerns, then you can exercise your PR and not return her. I would ring your local Social Services to tell them what has happened.
Also speak to a family law accredited Solicitor

GiveHerHellFromUs Mon 02-Dec-19 07:18:34

I agree. You have a duty of care to your daughter. Don't let her go back and contact social services and a family solicitor

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Mon 02-Dec-19 07:23:55

If there is no court order then absolutely keep her. You have as much right to have your daughter living with you as her mother does, and it sounds like she will be better off with you

notapizzaeater Mon 02-Dec-19 07:29:02

Have SS not spoken to you about this as an option ?

hidinginthenightgarden Mon 02-Dec-19 07:43:21

Please do keep her! I doubt social services will decide she is better with her mum even if she does try to fight it.

KhanMaddi3123 Mon 02-Dec-19 07:46:13

@notapizzaeater
They have not even spoke to me before about my daughter. I don't even know if they are aware she has contact with me. I live in a different county to my daughter an hour and a half away.

itsme Mon 02-Dec-19 07:49:48

In your daughters best interests after what you have said I think you should keep her with you. Ring social services today and explain the situation.

stucknoue Mon 02-Dec-19 07:51:12

Keep her but call social services, ideally you can do it in a way that protects your daughter and isn't a fight. If custody is switched properly it's easier on your daughter

averythinline Mon 02-Dec-19 13:59:35

Can you sort out school etc or are u going to drive 1.5hrs every day to take her to/from school? You have missed secondary application dates
If she yr6...
. I think this should be a planned move rather than a refusal to return... what does your daughter want?

At least talk to social services....they are not keen on sudden changes in my experience ...

Madaboutthem2 Mon 02-Dec-19 14:09:26

You should keep her but contact someone straight away with your reasons. that's disgusting. Not everyone can have a perfect clean home but, there is never an excuse for smelly clothes, smelly children and unhygienic living conditions. She's either not washing clothes, bathing them etc. Or the kids are anxious and having accidents. Those poor kids. I'd definitely keep her x

Confusedbeetle Mon 02-Dec-19 14:16:33

You need to do this the proper way.Contact the social worker and ask if you can be assessed for her residence. You might also be able to get a social worker of your own in your own county to support your application

CherryBathBomb Mon 02-Dec-19 14:21:03

Definitely have her live with you!
No excuse for smelly/dirty children.
But do contact SS and tell them first.

ShortHairSuitsYou Mon 02-Dec-19 14:24:52

Go to a solicitor first, then use their advice to get residency of your daughter. Good Luck.

Lifefallseasyonme Mon 02-Dec-19 14:27:22

You don’t need social workers permission. I would ring SS and say you have serious concerns and therefore will be looking after your daughter from now on as the RP. Very odd that you haven’t already been contacted. Ask to be sent a copy of any relevant paperwork for your daughter. She is your daughter too. Please don’t leave her in those circumstances if you have an alternative. Spend this week getting a school place for her near your home.

mrsed1987 Mon 02-Dec-19 14:37:37

Its not odd, maybe the mum had said she doesnt have contact with you. I would also contact SS and tell them your concerns. You are within your rights to keep her if you have safeguarding concerns. How old is she? I would look in to local nurserys/schools if she is of that age so she isnt out of that environment to long.

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