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I would like your advice......

(17 Posts)
Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:11:07

My dp has a 5yr old daughter with his ex.

He left when his dd was 6 months old for various reasons. They are very close and he has her to stay once or twice a week and when his ex-p wants to go away for the weekend etc.

We have just bought a house together and we will continue to have her to stay regularly. She and my dd adore each other.

However, he pays his ex-p £350 a month in maintainence and on top of that pays for ballet, language classes, goes halves on birthday presents etc.

I have asked him to consider reducing this amount as we now have a house to pay for and have her to stay regularly. He says ex-p threatens him with CSA if he doesn't pay it and he would end up paying far more.

I personally think £350 is a massive amount of money. Opinions please.........

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:14:15

she is entitled to 15% of his income; less if you have dcs too, and less if she stays over more than once a week.


CSA calculator

we pay dps ex what the csa says we have to; and occassionally get a few extras-like shoes or shool uniform. it sounds like he is paying alot. The money for ballet, etc should come out of the maintence and the mums money-its not just your dps responsibility.

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:16:25

oh and birthday/xmas should be extra on top of this, IMO-just presents though.

RubyRioja Tue 21-Aug-07 18:16:53

Being pretty objective here, I would guess it is a reasonable reflection of the cost of housing/feeding a child. However, I know most of my friends receiving maintenance from their exes don't receive anything like that amount. Far, far less.

So much seems to relate to the relationship between the parents and keeping it cordial. I would say that extras such as dance and language classes might have to be stopped if money is tight.

Difficult situation I would imagine.

Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:18:08

Yeah very difficult. Thanks for the CSA calculator- according to that he should be paying £264 a month. Sounds more like it.

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:18:27

but i think that the mother and father should equally contribute-if is paying £350, does she too? £700 a month for one child is alot!

Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:19:46

She has A LOT of holidays a year, buys dd expensive clothes and toys and generally seems far better off!

I guess it makes it worse that I don't get a penny from my dd's dad.

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:21:33

oh i was just saying about fairness; you dp and dps ex are both parents-she shouldnt rely on him for everything for their dd.

have you got CSA or anyone on to your dcs father for money?

beansprout Tue 21-Aug-07 18:21:47

Dh still pays a huge amount to dsd (and it's direct now she is 19, nearly 20) but sometimes it helps to ask yourself if you want to be with a man who scrimps on his children. Money is always difficult and especially so in these set ups. I do feel for you though, this is difficult stuff.

smeeinit Tue 21-Aug-07 18:21:59

blimey £350 a month! id be well happy with that.
ex husband has only ever paid £22 per month for our 2 YES 2 children!
thats what the csa says he should pay,and he only paid that for about a year,weve been divorced nearly 11 years and he owes around 25k! no chance i shall ever see it tho as altho he runs a succesfull buisness his accountant "does" the books in his favour for him!

Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:24:25

My ex-dp does agency work and only earns about £170 week I think. I have never asked for any money cos I know he wouldn't be able to afford it and haven't contacted CSA cos I didn't really understand what they would do???

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:25:54

but he HAS to afford it...use the calculator thing for that £170.

CSA can attach earnings order-would come straight from his employers pocket to your bank.

only know this because i have had to go through all this with my ex

Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:27:27

Wow I didn't realise that his employer would pay. I should have done this earlier really. We split up 4 years ago! Can they backdate???

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:28:49

i think they do-dont quote me on that though.

please dont think i am a money grabber- i am just very much in the sharing responsibility camp for my children, and hate to see some children without because their dads dont help

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:29:35

so say he has to pay you £20 a week.

employer would pay him £150; CSA would put £20 a week in your account.

Durdle Tue 21-Aug-07 18:30:47

I don't think that at all! I've found it so frustrating having struggled on my own as a single mum after we split up. I had asked him to contribute towards school uniform before and got £30 but that was all.

scorpio1 Tue 21-Aug-07 18:32:08



i know, my ex used to be like that; we split up when ds1 was 10 months. he didnt give me a penny or anything else until he was 3.

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