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so ashamed, i just want to run away from my son.

(38 Posts)
dissle Mon 20-Aug-07 20:27:41

Am at end of tether.
am so depressed with him i cant look at him, havent been able to all day.

makes me feel sad and very down.

went to a friends and he and his pal spat ribena all over her cream carpets, a tumbler full each.

emptied every drawer nand cupbourd out in her bedroom.

has "lost" some ewhere in her house a precious peice of jewelry given to her by her mum before she died.

wa shouting at the dinner table "its discgusting, its disgusting" the food she served.

wa shorribel and naughty.
hasnt been brought up to act like this at all.
hes 4, pal is 4.
we were in the kitchen, she said they were allright to play when we said we were worried about what they were up to....friend went to check on them.
he is wekll and truly punished, cant even look at him am so angry andf so ashamed.

littlelapin Mon 20-Aug-07 20:43:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dissle Mon 20-Aug-07 20:46:52

no, friend has no kids, it was my other pals boy.

he is normally really difficult to control but thought we had turned a corner.

cant blame other boy, they are equally to blame.
not bothered about reflection on me jusut trying to understand why he would be like this??
cant understand.

feel amilion milion times terrible for my kind friend who was just lkovely and who we brought nothing but trouble to.

marthamoo Mon 20-Aug-07 20:48:12

I somehow knew she had no kids - it was the cream carpets and tumblers of Ribena that gave it away

berolina Mon 20-Aug-07 20:50:40

ah, she/her house sounded like she has no kids (cream carpets and allowing 2 4yo in her bedroom unsupervised, anyone? For the latter, at least, she really has to take a bit of the blame herself)

He'd be like this because he's 4, I suspect. Exciting 'new' surroundings, little supervision, partner in 'crime' - it all adds up. Yes, it is certainly not acceptable and you need to give him a clear message to this effect - but really, don't feel so dreadful about it.

berolina Mon 20-Aug-07 20:51:10


magsi Mon 20-Aug-07 20:51:28

Blimey, I really feel for you. Even though you are feeling really shit, awful, embarrassed, could crawl under a rock etc etc....., sleep on it, re-enforce all day and every day for the next week how this behaviour was unacceptable. Get your ds to make a serious apology card and get him to give it to her personally (together with some flowers from you). But just remember he is only 4 and probably easily influenced by others. Once again, I feel for you, but just tell yourself, he is only 4.

FrayedKnot Mon 20-Aug-07 20:52:28

I assume, as your friend has no kids, that there were no toys in teh house and therefore they went to find something to amuse themselves?! Did they take toys with them? What did you all think they were doing upstairs?!

Wouldn;t have let a 4 yr old have ribena anywhere near a cream carpet that mattered. kitchen or water.

I would have been furious about rudeness at dinner, but it sounds like basically they were bored and hyping each other up, like only 4 year old boys can!

If he doesn't normally behave like this, I wouldn;t worry. ust apologize to her and move on.

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Aug-07 20:53:42

Look, he's FOUR. You gave him Ribena on cream carpets? What were you thinking of? He's sounds normal, give yourself and him a break, he was being a 4yo, he's done nothing to be ashamed of and you certainly shouldn't want to run away, you shoudl just accept that

a) 4yos need watching to an extent
b) don't give them Ribena
c) don't have cream carpets
d) don't have friends without children. OK joking about that one

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Aug-07 20:54:41

and maybe the food WAS disgusting.
OK not perfect manners but what 4yo does?

berolina Mon 20-Aug-07 20:55:35

WWW - there are times I feel pretty convinced of the merits of d) myself

chipkid Mon 20-Aug-07 20:55:45

as for not understanding why he would do this-I was an angelic child-yet on two occasions I did something out of character (stamped all over my mother's newly dug front garden whilst she went in for a well-earned cup of tea) and decimated my father's vegetable patch for by running all over it and kicking the veg into orbit-there is a theme here!)

To this day I donot know why I did it!but I still rememeber the horrendous reactions that I received!

EscapeFrom Mon 20-Aug-07 20:55:55

No Ribena on cream carpets - was asking for trouble

NO unsupervised playing - again, asking for trouble.

Rudeness at table unacceptable behavior. Would have punishied that myself.

So really, two out of 3 of the behaviors could have been totally prevented by the adults.

You should look at him - he is four, he's not an adult. He doesn't have the impulse control you do. Punish him by all means (he does deserve it) but don't hate him for being a four year old boy.

marthamoo Mon 20-Aug-07 20:56:26

It sounds like the two boys got totally carried away and were outdoing each other in how badly they could behave.

I'm wondering if - as she has no children of her own - they might have been bored - were there any toys for them to play with? I'm not excusing them - but I know small boys have a very low boredom threshold (I well remember an afternoon in an elderly lady's house with my three year old ds1...I spent the whole time leaping up and shrieking "no! don't touch that!" as he made a beeline for one of her million ornaments).

You say he's punished - have you talked to him about how sad his behaviour made you and how disappointed you are?

Try not to feel so bad - I think all small boys (even the most saintly ones) can have mad afternoons. I would maybe send a note and some flowers to your friend - but I'm sure she'll understand.

UCM Mon 20-Aug-07 20:56:50

I have experienced this on a milder scale recently. I took DS to my Fathers and the upshot was that my Father thinks I have no control over my son as I have to threaten every time I ask him not to do something. OK, point taken. We went to DH older sisters last week and when we were going DS said he wanted to stay. Their response 'You can leave DD anytime but not DS until he learns to do as he is told.

Both of these sets of people are old. But I am beginning to think that my son is really awful.

As a result of this, I am not smacking anymore and never ever giving in again.

He does play up more with his cousin who is a difficult child as well.

The only advice I have is jump on everything and hopefully you will see a difference.

But, yes, it's embarrassing.

dissle Mon 20-Aug-07 20:57:45

She had bought the ribena espeially, put it in glass tumblers and we kept them on the kitchen table....they got mouth fulls then went into living room, spat out then back for more.

i had never been in living room, didnt know she had cream carpets.

i only usually l;et him have water...felt bad, she had bought it especially.

wa s ab it funny when they apeared with condoms........

she went upssatairs and tidied up, didnt tell us about every drwer till she rang pal (after 2 bottles of wine at 11pm ) to tell her about the necklace, first got her hubby to ring up and shout at pal down phone.

dissle Mon 20-Aug-07 20:59:14

see last post bout carpets/ribena etc etc etc...
would NEVER NEVER NEVER ever have evn gone had i known about caperets...would have got her to my house, she instisted

Theclosetpagan Mon 20-Aug-07 20:59:48

You poor thing - I have a 4 year old too and know just how difficult they can be sometimes.
I agree with WWW - he's 4, he's normal and just needs watching. Mine is exactly the same. I love him to bits but am so embarrassed by him at times. We went to (childless) SIL a few weeks ago and he tore the wallpaper in her bedroom. I was so ashamed - thankfully SIL is great and was fine about it but I wasn't.

EscapeFrom Mon 20-Aug-07 21:00:47

It'#s boys, they are hard work, defiant, challenging and at times downright embarrassing. Nobody but another mother of a boy the same age or older will truely understand how WEARING it can be to have conversations like "Please don't touch that, it's Gandpa's and it might break. Put it down now. Now! PUT IT DOWN, TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF IT, AND MOVE AWAY FROM IT, PLEASE .... ONE, TWO, THREE....
"Right, go and sit on the step. What do you mean 'why?'!!!"

berolina Mon 20-Aug-07 21:01:03

Sorry, but your friend sounds a bit horrid herself, getting her dh to ring up and have a go before she tackles you. And seriously, the supervision thing - OK, they weren't her children, but that really is partly her fault.

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Aug-07 21:01:54

Well ok, bollocking about Ribena BUT I wouldn't have let a 4yo out of the room with a GLASS tumbler of Ribena!

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Aug-07 21:02:57

Your friend doesn't have children, sorry but she should fk right off in that case. I refer you back to my point d)

EscapeFrom Mon 20-Aug-07 21:03:21

I had to remove my 4 year old from a party a few weeks ago because he kept going in the mum's bedroom and going through her stuff, ignoring all the food and games downstairs. He screamed and kicked and did jellylegs all the way home. I was really ashamed that day.

But he was just being four, and I did deal with it.

EscapeFrom Mon 20-Aug-07 21:04:41

And if she has cream carpets she should have done her research on four year olds before insisting you take them to her house. You need to Teflon-coat everything to make it suitable for four year old boys - including household pets.

dissle Mon 20-Aug-07 21:05:54

www... they didnt disapear with ribena, i kept it with me at kitchen table, they got mouthfuls then disapeared. she said they were ok.

ive taken his spiderman costume off him for a week, hes gutted,
one book only at bedtime...absolutely gutted.

have spoken at length to him, says hes sorry, seems sad.

he is only 4, but now knows the consequences of bad behaviour...
btw, he ate every last bit on his plate after screaming "its disgusting"

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