4 year old behaviour

[12help34please56]

I need help 😪

DS has always had a temper but we worked really hard to control it - going from hitting and lashing out at the slightest thing to being able to channel it better - still angry but much less frequently being physical with it. After a tough couple of years the six months before he started school were a dream - he was a pleasure to be with and I was so proud of him.

Fast forward 4 weeks and he is losing his temper at the slightest thing - I'm sure due to tiredness and the emotional overload of starting school so I'm fine with this but he is back to being violent with it. He is physically very strong for his age too so he is actually hurting me - either hitting, kicking or yesterday he had a handful of my hair.

And on top of the tantrums he is now misbehaving which is much less like him. I ask him nicely not to do things, explain why etc etc but then when I actually do something to stop him, he loses all control and a full on temper tantrum ensues.

I am actually starting to dread going out in public with him because I've had a few comments made which has knocked my confidence in dealing with it further.

I tell myself that we've been here before so we can work through it together again but I just don't know if I can cope with it all again. I've tried over the top praise, love bombing, naughty step, removing toys or whatever has caused the problem, reasoning with him, reward charts, everything I can think of but it's just not working.

I feel like we need some external support but I don't want to go via the health visitor - nice as they are I just know they'll give me the bog standard advice and i cant face being patronized as I've done it all once.

Partner is supportive (not about the external help, I haven't mentioned that) but doesn't see the worst of him. I mentioned to school that we were struggling with his temper just to give them a heads up and they were shocked - said his behaviour and attitude at school is great as it always was at nursery so I wasn't surprised by that.

I don't really know the point of this very long post - I just hate it that he's breaking me!

[littlebillie]

I had an anger DS at times I found that keeping my cool helped but also reading stories like this helped

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/866760.WhenIIFeelAngry

It's not to read when they are angry but as a reflection. It will pass

[12help34please56]

Thank you - I'll have a look at that book x