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Help husband to bond with baby

(14 Posts)
CluelessNewMama Wed 11-Sep-19 11:29:08

DD is 3 months old now. She is predominately breastfed although DH gives her a bottle of expressed milk on a Sunday morning so I can catch up on sleep. I’m worried that she increasingly seems unsettled when she is with her dad and often cries until he hands her back to me. He works long hours so only gets a couple of hours max with her in the evenings but usually spends all weekend with us. I know it’s probably fairly normal for babies to be clingy to mum but he so looks forward to getting home from work and spending time with her so it’s heartbreaking when she doesn’t want it. Anyone experienced the same? Any ideas for what we can do to get them to bond better or will it just happen over time?

theruffles Wed 11-Sep-19 11:54:55

I think it may just happen over time. She's still very young and may gravitate towards you because you're BF at the moment and you're her mum. Your DH should keep trying with her and spending time together - it'll come. Maybe he could spend more time with her of a weekend?

My DD is 14 months old and has periods of preferring me and others where she just wants DH. She's done this since she was very little so I wouldn't place too much stock in it yet.

Bellsofstclements Wed 11-Sep-19 17:38:31

I felt like my OH really came into his own once our DS could move round a bit more and they could "play" together - they seemed to understand each other more then. DS is now 19mo and I don't get a look in at weekends when DH is here.

OverthinkingThis Wed 11-Sep-19 17:44:52

Are you still in the room when she is with her dad in the evenings? My health visitor told me it's important for mum to leave the room when baby is having daddy time or they just want to go back to you. Keep doing it little and often.

But yes as pp says it's really early days, it might just take time.

Marlena1 Wed 11-Sep-19 17:52:09

I definitely agree with leaving the room. He might cry for a minute but a lot of the time they settle quickly. Unfortunately, this is normal with breastfed babies but generally turns around.

Kyriesmum1 Wed 11-Sep-19 17:58:47

Hiya we have a five month old foster baby who we've had since birth. We are adopting her so attatchment is very important!! To help her bond with hubby he takes her out for a walk just him and her. She loves her tone out and they stop by Costa and have cuddles and her feed while he has coffee. Then they walk back. This gives me a couple of hours of either sleep or time to catch up on housework if the two year old is up early! Maybe worth a try 😁

IWouldPreferNotTo Wed 11-Sep-19 18:07:21

In the first month or two i hated the way as soon as our son grumbled she'd dive in. You need to let him learn to soothe your baby despite how hard it is.

The second point as mentioned by another poster is age. As soon as our son was more robust we bonded more. Now at 7 months we can roll around, play silly games etc.

Retroraver93 Wed 11-Sep-19 18:27:32

Bathtime was always Daddy time in our house after he got home from work and had his tea while I got on with any housework I needed to catch up on and the last feed at night was cuddle time with Daddy before going to sleep when my DC were babies. I used to go to bed before the last feed incase I was needed through the night. We were very lucky though and both were very good sleepers which made things much easier.
As PP have said as they get older there was much more playtime interaction and they also liked a small bedtime story picture book read to them even when really young.
It's very early days yet and hopefully your DH will get a chance to get more involved soon.

IWouldPreferNotTo Wed 11-Sep-19 18:47:07

Bath time is a great idea. It's been my thing since the start and is 30 minutes of good fun bonding time which can be extended with the bedtime feed.

Watching him grow and treat baths differently has been a real treat, even if now it's a game of trying to keep him in this bath

CluelessNewMama Wed 11-Sep-19 20:40:46

Thanks for the helpful advice everyone. Really good to know it gets better with age. This evening I expressed a bottle that DH has gradually given her over the evening (she tends to cluster feed little and often over an evening). It’s going well so far, he’s had lots of smiles and giggles from her. And it’s been lovely for me to have a break (even if I did mainly use it to do housework!)

Harrysmummy246 Wed 11-Sep-19 21:01:35

DS has always had bathtime with DH once we got past PFB both of us doing it stage and he's always put him in the carrier for dog walking too- and still does at 15kg/ 2.2yo

Oh and these days, reading books together and their trips to the library

2ManyNameChanges Wed 11-Sep-19 21:05:44

Give him a shawl which you've worn for a while to wear when he picks her up x

Pandora71 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:40:31

Does he have a sling?

DAFR123 Wed 11-Sep-19 22:45:26

Let dad do a expressed bottle of an evening and you get an early night. Leave them to bond. Xxx

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