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DS has had his confidence knocked

(10 Posts)
Struggles Wed 08-Aug-07 08:52:11

I'll try and keep it short.

Both my DS's are in bands, my eldest (14) is in a punk band similar to green Day and my youngest (12, almost 13) is in a metal band.

At the weekend they both managed to score their bands a slot in the rock music tent at the fair/festival taking part in the local park, this involved playing alongside other bands of similar aged children/teens.

My eldest son's band got a great reception, catchy songs and he even had a couple of "emo girls" chatting him up and eying him up which pleased him no end! He's the front man, singer and guitarist so naturally gets alot of attention.

Then my youngest sons band went on, my DS is just the guitarist in this band but, without blowing my own trumpet, he is amazing, he practices 24/7, plays whilst watching TV, plays whilst in bed...litrally practicing all the time.

His band got a brilliant reception too but alot of people watching were staring at him rather than the singer, there were a couple of blokes looking at him and nodding between themselves etc.

Anyway after the band got down quite a few people went over to my DS, told him how amazing he was, asked how long he'd been playing etc etc....

My eldest DS wasnt impressed as he's been playing longer but to be fair does not put as much into it as youngest DS. Now DS1 is saying there is no point in continuing his band, he said they're crap and he's not that bothered about it anymore anyway.

This is obviously a result of the fair.

How do I get it through to him that both bands are just as good and that he should continue playing?

harleyd Wed 08-Aug-07 08:58:00

stroppy teenager lol. tell him to pick his dummy back up off the floor and wise up. its stupid to waste a talent just because his nose has been put out of joint. is he usually jealous of his brother?

LucyJones Wed 08-Aug-07 08:58:11

All you can do is tell him you think he is good and should carry on.
But if he's decided it's not for him anymore there isn't a lot you can do about it. At the end of the day you have to let them get on with it.

PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt Wed 08-Aug-07 09:02:56

As his Mum you can be as devoted and as admiring as you like (and it is exactly right that you are) BUT I don't think that will have much weight with him at the mo. He needs some time for any crushing feelings to wane and then to learn that what he puts in to his music, he will get out! (although I do know that alot depends on natural ability etc and this comment is no way meant to be demeaning to those that find anything difficult for whatever reason etc etc). All you can do is be supportive and tell him how fab he is and keep reminding him that so many people dream of being in a band and don't even get that far, let alone get slots at music fairs (however local they are!). Poor him though - I do recognise that feeling but life does have some important lessons to teach us and it's far better that he's introduced to them now and learns to deal with this sort of thing now rather than later.

Saturn74 Wed 08-Aug-07 09:04:24

First of all, well done to both your sons; they sound like they are very talented.

They play completely different types of music, so each band will appeal to different people.

And you can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time!

Just remind him of the reaction his band got, and reassure him of how talented his is.

And that hard work will pay off, so keep rehearsing and rehearsing.

And reiterate there is value in doing something simply because you enjoy it, regardless of whether you are a local celeb, of course!

Maybe you could look into how much it would cost to hire a recording studio, so he could work towards saving up for this? Might encourage him to be more positive about it.

And I think it is natural for there to be some competitiveness between brothers.

mistlethrush Wed 08-Aug-07 09:10:22

Different type of music, but...

Dh comes from a musical family. Bil 18months younger. Dh tells me of the time when he had been having piano lessons for 18 months before Bil started - Bil was soon telling him how to do it. Also music competition where Bil played the piano part rather than Fil and the adjudicator spent most of the time talking about Bil instead of praising Dh's performance.

However, Dh has continued to play - does play different instruments from the ones that Bil has majored in. However, Dh still plays, and gets lots of enjoyment from music, even if he doesn't do it professionally. If he'd given up when younger brother started getting better than him, we'd have never met!

Sounds as though your ds 1 acts as lead - can you point out to him that this is a totally different position from just straight guitar - you've got to be a real all-round performer. If you are just playing guitar, you can concentrate solely on this (which is, in its own right, a great thing to do) - but different and needs different skills etc.

Good luck, hope you sort it out and keep them both interested!

Leati Wed 08-Aug-07 09:27:09


Two musicians in one family! Good for you. I really believe all you can do is encourage him to carefully consider his choices and then be supportive of the choice he makes.

Congrats on raising talented young men!

edam Wed 08-Aug-07 09:30:48

Tell ds1 not to be so grudging about his brother's success - not very nice at all. It's a lesson siblings have to learn. He got a good reception himself, after all.

electrongirl Wed 08-Aug-07 13:11:24

Is your name Mrs Gallager?

Sounds like they should join forces to me!

What cool children you have:-) I am sure your eldest will get over it, remind him of the groupies!

tortoiseSHELL Wed 08-Aug-07 13:17:26

That's why I hate any competitiveness in music - music 'competitive' festivals are the worst, but this sort of thing can happen in a non-competitive scenario as well.

Unfortunately in music, this happens all the time, which is why most musicians (including me) are insecure and took me AGES to get over the 'they're better than me' or worse the 'I'm better than them , but THEY'RE DOING BETTER' - still have feelings like that.

Can you emphasise that music is for sharing and enjoying, and however good you are, there will always be someone better, so the best thing you can do is to say what YOU have to say through the music - make it more of a communication rather than a 'test' of ability or a competition etc (do you know what I mean?).

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