12 month old tantrums/ complete meltdowns. Help?!

[PerfectPeony2]

Hi all,

I have posted on here about my little girl before and always received great help.

She has always been a very ‘high needs baby’ and has been an early developer which is great but I feel like we have reached the terrible twos already.

Mornings are hell. She screams while I get ready for work. Throws herself back and can’t be calmed down easily. If I have to tell her no/ take something off of her I get a meltdown that goes on for ages- and I can’t distract her from it. It just seems to be over everything.

She seems to be far worse with me than she is with DH or at nursery. I want to quit my job to help with her routine but I’m stuck working part time.

I feel quite alone in this as everyone with a baby her age that I know seems to be in a different phase to me as DD is quite advanced with her development.

How do I deal with a tantrumming baby? I thought I’d know what to do but this has crept up on me and I’m just completely clueless about how to handle it.

[KnittingForMittens]

Ignore it.

People may disagree but this is very common! My son is nearly 3 and still tantrums. I just leave him to get on with it and then he calms down and pretends it never happened.

[AvengerDanvers95]

So long as she's safe, let her rage. My DD was the same. I just told her I was there for a cuddle when she was ready and let her get on with working it out. Obvs removed her to an appropriate location if we weren't at home - I found surfboard style to be the best way to carry her. She mainly grew out of it by the time she turned 3

[PerfectPeony2]

Thank you both. I do try to ignore but it’s hard as she gets very distressed and it could go on for ages. I’m not sure if she is too young to understand.

This morning she kept hitting herself in the face with a plastic teapot! It was quite frightening.

[AvengerDanvers95]

I would be taking the teapot off her. If she has a tendency to hurt herself set up a safe space (travel cot with some cushions in it maybe?) and pop her there til she calms, but stay with her and keep talking calmly.

[PerfectPeony2]

Thanks Avenger. I think sometimes I find it hard to say no (I honestly didn’t think I’d have this problem as a parent). It seems to escalate and she gets in a complete state.

She’s always been very hyper active, never ever sits still and can’t relax. Which doesn’t help!

[LollySox]

My little girl is like this and I've found if I can get in early enough (before she's gone FULL tantrum) go to her eye level and talk to her "oh I can see you're really dissappointed that mummy wouldn't let you stick your finger in the plug socket. It must be really frustrating being told no all the time but mummy has to keep toy safe" blah blah ect. Sometimes it works sometimes not.

[PerfectPeony2]

Thank you LollySox that’s really useful I tried it today- getting down to her level and empathising more. It seemed to help a little!

I feel like I’ve hit the next stage before anyone I know and it’s HARD. Why doesn’t parenting babies come with a manual!

[Haz1516]

Hi,

I pretty much posted the exact same as this about my little boy the other day. I also remember you from the parents of screamers thread. Our little ones sound very similar.

Anyway, we are now a month later, and he has chilled out slightly. I don’t really usually believe in ‘leaps’ and things, but there is supposed to be one at around the 12 month mark. For us, literally the day after he turned one he also started refusing naps, and having the full on tantrums (although really I’d say he’s had mini ones since he was around 10 months at least). I just try to distract him and not give in, I feel he’s too young just to walk away and ignore.

He does seem to have mellowed out slightly in the last couple of weeks - still has a bit of a scream if he wants something he can’t have etc, but not as constant as it was and he is napping again thankfully. I really find that he does go through phases of being extra difficult, but then calmer phases too. Just have to try and weather the storm on the tough days and know it won’t last forever.

[PerfectPeony2]

Haz! Yes I remember you from the criers thread. We definitely got some whirlwind babies. DD’s naps are all over the place and it’s hard to get a routine now she is at nursery 3 days a week.

We’ve had a better few days. DD actually had her 12 month jabs and her legs we so sore she actually sat still! I ended up feeling bad for her and now I’m looking forward to having my strong willed little hyperactive girl back.

Thanks for the reminder that everything is a phase. I never thought I’d get through those crying colicky days but I did! So this will be no different.

[MeadowHay]

Hi Haz and Peony! I read the thread title and thought "ooh, wonder if there is any wisdom for me?" - my DD, 13 months, has also been having tantrums for the last month or so! I'm not sure what to do about it either but I think distraction where possible really. There has been quite a lot of research on the most effective ways to stop tantrumming and distraction is generally the consensus for the most effective and not least because there is some research to suggest that distraction techniques actually help teach the child to distract themselves over time. Did you see that BBC documentary about babies that was on months and months ago? They talked about it a bit on there, really interesting. However sometimes you just have to do things like get ready for work so in those cases just put her somewhere safe and let her get on with it really, needs must, I know it's horrible to leave them screaming but what can we do?

[minipie]

Teething? I can’t remember now when the awful stages were for teething but there were definitely a few phases where teething pain combined with my DD’s naturally —terrorist— strong willed personality made for very difficult behaviour.

[PerfectPeony2]

Hi Meadow! It seems to be that our difficult babies have gone on to be tantrumming toddlers very early! What does she tantrum at? My DD just wants to pick up everything she shouldn’t and goes mental when I won’t let her. And there’s only so much baby proofing you can do. She’s so fast as well and gets into everything.

I’ve been trying to distract but honestly my energy is running low. Feeling like a shit Mum today. I did wonder about teething again, but nursery haven’t mentioned that she’s been upset!

I have my 3rd cold since being back at work and I’ve taken time off again. DD waking up at 4, when she was sleeping 12 hours. She’s been absolutely horrific today. Screeching constantly. But seemed fine at nursery.

I’m so mentally and physically exhausted. DH is working away. Heat is awful. One of those days. I was thinking maybe stopping breastfeeding would help the clingyness but it’s the only way to calm her sometimes.

[MeadowHay]

DD is always fine at nursery too! Actually she has had odd days where she's been crying a lot there etc but always put them down to illness or teething. But the rest of the time she is fine there way more difficult for me! She tantrums at same as your DD really - me not letting her play with dangerous things or not letting her get to dangerous places. Or picking her up to change her nappy, or trying to change her nappy, or putting her in the pram (sometimes), or putting her coat on...

[minipie]

Nursery is distraction so they don’t notice that they are tired or teeth are hurting.