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need help to get myself under control(30 Posts)
I am to ashamed to do this under my usual ID, sorry.
I am really not the kind of mother I want to be at times. I have a nasty temper, which means I swear and shout far to much. Not really mummy behaviour and I am not proud of it.
Why can't I get myself under control.
What can I do to get myself under control? Because I do realise, whilest doing it, that really it just makes me feel worse as I then rant myself into a rage, which is so pointless and energy zapping.And I don't want my children to be scared of mummy or something like that.
Luckily my children are well enough behaved to know how naughty it is to swear and they don't. But , well, that just isn't good enough
Did you swear and shout too much before you had dc?
Have you tried singing out different words when you are very cross 'fiddledediddleydeedumdah' is just as effective as fuck (at least for me) and it makes my daughter laugh.
Why are you cross though - is it tiredness or just feeling like you have no control? I am just reading 'how to talk to your kids so they will listen and listen so your kids will talk' and (aside from being americanised and slightly pappy) it does include some useful bits of advice that I've been trying and they do seem to be helping me reduce my rage levels a bit.
How are you feeling at the moment ? Is there anything buggering you ?
Hm...not so much the swearing, but I have always had a ranty sort of temper...and could go into a right rage for, forinstance, not finding something.
Obviously there were moments I did swear, but nothing compared to now.
My husband actually notices me swearing to much and is pulling me up about it. But that is usually when I am in a bad ranty raging mood already, so, I tend to just snap at him at that time....probably more because I know he is right.
When I used to swear it would be more along the lines of sh**t, but now it is far to often eff this and that....and I hate it. I know it's unacceptable to talk like that to anyone especially your own children.
It's like there is some furies beast unleashed at times....
Could you run out of the house and count to ten and see if it helps?
You need to interrupt the mental process where you know you will get mad. For example, you can't find your keys, make it a game to yourself to try and find them - and get your kids involved in the great key hunt. If you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a few seconds, go into a different room, drink some water, do anything else and then try again. Chances are you'll have had time to cool off.
choclate, I did try that inserting something else for a swear word bit, but, when I am severely peeved, I tend to forget...and I suppose that is teh time when it would be the most useful.
That book does sound good, though, shall have a lookin the local library or at amazon. Who is the author of the book?
As for why....well, tiredness tends to be part of it and finances are stressing me out and our slightly uncertain future at the moment.
We have also moved into an area where swearing is pretty much the norm, and I start to think I was desensitized by this, maybe....but of course that still isn't an excuse.
I do have moodswings, and always had these, and they certainly make me more snappy and of course with the Kids things can get stressful....there is a lot of noise in the house...the Kids screaching or fighting and then the eldest turning the volume up on the TV, which makes everyhting get even noisier...
chocolate, sounds like a good plan. I will try that.
I'd be furious if there was something buggering me!
i find walking away effective sometimes. go and clean a cupboard with the radio on and try and switch off for 10 mins.
I do think that self-help books can do it for you at certain times in your life.
The fact that you've come on here and told us your problem speaks volumes. You've had enough of your current persona and you want/need to change.
I'm a fairly cynical old cove, but I'm not averse to dusting off the old 'how to change your life in five minutes' type book every now and again.
They kind of consolidate that you want to do things differently, however cheesy some of them are, and you usually end up learning something from the experience.
You need to chill out, whilst maintaining a certain level of discipline in the home. Many of us are in the same boat. Facing the problem is the biggest hurdle ... and it seems to me that you've just successfully cleared it.
The book is:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child) (How to Help Your Child) by Adele Faber; Elaine Mazlish
TBH I think you might want to think about whether you are eating regularly enough and drinking enough water too - I used to have crazy moods and my blood sugar was too low, I used to eat crap and then not eat anything for ages and I could feel myself getting riled. Also I was really dehydrated. So you might want to try that.
Fluctuating hormone levels can also play a part, is this an issue for you?
Taking control as someone else suggested over a little bit of your life can really help. If I just tidy out one drawer I feel like I am getting somewhere.
Doodle, you make a lot of sense...I suppose...syaing that, then there is that frustration that sets in when the house is being wrecked within an hour, and everything seems so pointless...but you are right, that whilest the house is nice and clean I do feel more relaxed, and I feel some pride....I get annoyed with myself with spending to much time on the PC and to little actually doing things around the house....
I also find that, in Holidays and on weekends, when I don't follow my normal routines, I get more stressed and frsutrated...so, I suppose on one hand I thrive on routine and on the other I lack self motivation, because, there is nothing stopping me for just getting on with things as normal, I suppose...!
Thanks astra for your message.
Desiderata - I agree with you, but I think self-help books help mostly because they give you time out to think about things and largely the solutions are within your own reach if you only had enough time to grasp them.
Desiderata, I totally sympathise. I've read the whole of this thread and you are not alone - I have similar issues, and am glad that there are others to 'fess up and also the help is fab, so thank you for posting this.
Chocolate, will look that book up for sure, thanks!
As for my food and water habits....tend to eat quite healthy and do tend to drink plenty of water etc...and limit my tea/coffee intake succesfully, too. And try to stay away from chocolates (the kind you eat ;)) as I know eating chocolate really effects me.
The Hormonal dips, that could very possible be my problem...I also have some phases of mild depression, which can be issues...
Another issue is, that my youngest son, when he falls asleep in the day, won't go to sleep at night, well, not a reasonable time anyway, and sometimes I can't seem to be able to avoid him falling asleep, and then we get into this vicious cycle, where he still gets woken up early in the morning, thanks to his Brothers, even though he went late to bed the night before, and then he will not be stopped napping...and it then feels like I don't get a break at all. He is no trouble when he is awake, but well, it also then stops me getting on with chores that I would do whilest Kids are asleep, like the Ironing....ah well, you get the picture...
Licey - I'm sure Desi appreciates that but she wasn't the OP
Licey, glad I am not on my own...well, in a weird sort of way, because, I suppose it would be better for everybody if these issues wouldn't exist in the first place...but you know what I mean, I think...I assume your post was to me?
Have you tried making him do exercise before bed so he's really knackered? Or finding something he likes to do during the day that will keep him awake no matter how knackered he is (preferably outside in the cold where he can't lie down? ).
Personally I don't know how you cope with more than one! You are to be congratulated for not keeping them locked in the cellar as a crowd control measure
Sorry STM, still getting the hang of this MN , so yes, I did mean you, and I do struggle to get my dd to bed at night, and then she decides to get up at 5am for a spot of attention seeking and won't go back to bed, so then ending up shouting too too much at her!
Exercise won't make a bit of difference, lol....he is on the go anyway.
I actually have started to regularly exercise, because I find that really helps, to some extent, with stress.
I have tried keeping him interested and awake and some days it does work, but, most times it just won't...if he want to sleep he will sleep, he has been known to sort of sleep standing up, slouching against something....(that looks quite funny, tbh).
Kids are lucky that we don't have a cellar....!
Well I'm out of ideas, sorry! But you do sound like you have a sense of humour about it and that's half the battle.
'tis alright Licey....MN can be a confusing place.
And 5am wake up's...oh aren't those lovely[sarky emoticon]....thing is, I go to the lenght, in termtimes, that I actually will get up that early just to be able to exercise (in peace) , only to have the Kids waking up shortly after me....even though, until I started exercising regularly, they went through a long phase of all sleeping till at least 6.30am...what is that all about...and no, I am not that noisy, honest!
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