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This is for those who asked....Warning Its Ugly

(8 Posts)
Leati Wed 25-Jul-07 10:42:11

I have had a few questions regarding my screwed up childhood and my parents.
So here it is...

My parents had two things in common they were both drug addicts and they both came from abusive families themselves.
Prior to me my dad had two other kids (both boys) and my mom had one other kid (also a boy). After me my dad had two more kids (also boys). That is a grand total of five half brothers. I honestly only remember a little bit about the time they were together, but I can tell you they were both used a variety of drugs. There were pills, there was pot, there was meth smoked in a light bulb, snorted through straw, drank in water, and stuck under their tongues. I think that covers, everything I remember.

So the consequences of my parents choices was a hellish childhood for me and my five half brothers. Around five or six we moved in with my moms drug addicted sister and her son repeated forced himself on me. Somewhere around eight he hurt me bad enough to send me to a neighbors house bleeding. Unfortunately, the neighbor called my grandmother (also druggy), who then lectured me about what people would think. I never mentioned it again until I was a full-grown adult.

So then my dad decided he had the perfect solution to raising a daughter while holding on to his addiction. He sent me to live with a family member who was religious extremist. He made me and his own daughter bend over and hold our ankles while whipped us for not remembering our bible versus. I didn't just have bruises, I had actual sores.

In comes my mom(still all drugged up) with her new mentally ill(and drugged up) boyfriend. He was the worst of them of all. First he hit us. Then one time he busted several blood vessels in my brother's eye and the school called child protective services. After that my mom and him had to sign an agreement not to hit us anymore. So then he nailed our bedroom windows shut and put locks on the outside of our bedroom doors. He denied us food, and worked us hard. We were punished by having entire holidays taken away. The rest of the family would open Christmas gifts while one of us was sent outside to work. This lasted for years. I actually remember wishing I could die because I genuinely believed that it was the only escape. At the age of 13 I ditched school and walked down to psychologist’s office. I laid it all out on the line. The BF and my mom were called. The doctor told them they were abusive and that was made my step-dad completely snap. On the way home, he bought a 24 pack of beer and popped some pills. For the next two weeks, we weren’t allowed to even go to school. And then one day, I managed to leave. I called the psychologist, who in turn called the police. I was temporarily sent to a group home but ended up with friends.

A year later, my mom comes to me and tells me she is through with him. I elatedly accept her with open arms. Then a couple of weeks later, she tells me and my brother that she is going to "talk" with him. She left us at a lake and didn't come back. My brother and I left at a lake shore are homeless and penniless. Some nights we sleep at the lake, others we bum off friends. My brother is old enough to legally work and gets a job at a fast food joint.

Eventually, my mom did leave the SOB. And I built a relationship with both of my parents on my terms.

So then it’s not quite over. The last and final blow came when I was nineteen and six months pregnant. I got a call from one of my cousins, telling my dad had died. At first I was calm, I had always expected my parents to die young as they lived so hard. Then I asked her, "what happened." Nothing could have prepared me for her answer. He had hung himself in a park. It still makes me cry. I dropped the phone and ran out of the room sobbing hysterically.

The consequences of my parent’s behavior is long-term.

My oldest brother is an Emergency Room Doctor, who cannot relate to his colleagues. He struggles with depression and despite having managed a good career is unhappy.

My next brother, has struggled with alcohol and drug abuse. He has had a hard time maintaining a job or relationship.

Next brother, developed diabetes from poor nutrition. He went into a diabetic coma several times as child. And now at the age 32, suffers from complete kidney failure. He has been on a transplant list for several years now.

I am next. Never took drugs and have strong views but I do struggle with what has happened in my life.

Next, is my preemie brother. Born three months premature and weighing barely over two pounds, he needed several operations and spent the first three months in the hospital. When he was finally, released his drug addicted mother couldn't deal with consequences of her actions and dropped him off with my dad. The at the age of 12 the only parent he ever knew hung himself. Needless to say, he is messed up. He has tried and nearly succeeded killing himself.

Finally, my baby brother… Joined a gang, steals cars, and has spent time in Juevinile Detention.

I told you it was ugly.

geekgirl Wed 25-Jul-07 10:46:33

I am sorry Leati

It puts the drinking & pregnancy thread into context - I can understand why you feel so strongly about it now.

elesbells Wed 25-Jul-07 10:51:17

leati what a horrible story i understand why your stance on children is so strong. you now have made your own family a seemingly happy and secure one and thats an achievment after what you have been through. very brave of you to air this tbh.

i wish you all the best.

Leati Wed 25-Jul-07 10:54:08


I appreciate your sentiment but honestly I dont want pity. I posted this because some asked and I thought it might explain why while some think it should be a parents perogitve to choose what they do when they are pregnant. I realize from first hand knowledge, that parents don't always act in a childs best interest.

Let me make sure I clarify...I am specifically referring to my parents and not anyone here.

fawkeoff Wed 25-Jul-07 10:58:27

well i just think ur absolutely have to go through such a traumatic childhood, and then go on to be a loving mother to 4 children with a loving husband is the best achievment u could have rewarded urself.goes to show that its not inevitable to end up like our parents x

LoveAngel Wed 25-Jul-07 11:30:30

I think your story makes quite a good point- that we just don't know people's 'back stories' or why exactly they think a certain way or feel strongly about certain topics. Thanks for sharing. xx

expatinscotland Wed 25-Jul-07 11:36:03

Sorry you went through that!

My best friend back home went through similar - was born to an alcoholic dad and a heroin-addicted prostitute.

She has NEVER in her life had a sip of alcohol, used any drug or even dragged on a cigarette.

Now 42, she has finally made peace with how things were, is married and happy and doing well financially, although she never wanted kids of her own and is happy being a step-mom to three grown children.

TheGoddessBlossom Wed 25-Jul-07 19:38:00

Hugs to you Leati. Sorry you and your brothers had to go through such a shit time. I am glad you survived it.


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