Annoyed with school, am i over-reacting?

[lifesteeth]

Today it was the school end of term achievment assembly. My son has been in it every year since starting school (to be fair most kids get an award for something, even if its just attendance).

Anyway this year he wasn't up for anything. I don't understand why as his report was full of praise for him, it said he is a very able pupil, polite, well behaved, top group, IT and maths skills well above average etc... yet hardly any good work slips all year and no end of term acknowledgment.

Anyway I wasn't about to kick up a fuss so went to the assembly anyway to watch my friends daughter get an award.

This is when I was left fuming...out of my sons class it was all the kids that are disruptive, bullies, badly behaved or generally way behind where they should be because they never do their homework etc. One boy inparticular got an award for "good work" when he's spent the entire year bullying my son, turning the class room into a war zone/zoo, had my sons friend in tears calling him a tramp, stabbed him with a pencil and then threatened him with a compass etc etc...

Don't get me wrong, it's not sour grapes that they got an award and my son didn't, I don't begrudge any of the kids their awards but why is it that the kids that do well and behave themselves are ignored in favour of praising the "difficult" ones?

[meandmy]

i think they do it to encourage harder better work and they forget about the hardworkers that dont struggl perhaps you could get your ds something speacial to show him your proud of his report and hardwork

[HenriettaHippo]

I see why this would annoy you. Also, it sends a wrong message to the "good kids" that actually by behaving like a bully, you get rewarded, while the quieter, more acquiescent children are ignored. I heard something on the radio recently about the growing problem of ignored quiet, well behaved children in classrooms.

Perhaps you could go in and have a quiet word with the class teacher/head teacher?

[Fireflyfairy2]

To encourage those who disrupt to be proud of their classroom, their achievments, themselves, then perhaps they will stop bullying/being disruptive etc...

[Fireflyfairy2]

Oh I wouldn't go into the school, might look like sour graps if you actually have a word about it.

I'm sure the teachers know what they're doing & what they are awarding pupils for.

[ChipButty]

Agree. It's the good children who often get forgotten about. Badly behaved children are given way too many chances and we bend over backwards with strategies to help them, often with no support from the parents. I always go out of my way to make sure the well-behaved children in my class get something at the end of the year. I make a point of not rewarding bad behaviour. Some of my colleagues are horrified that I don't get every child in my class a present at the end of the year: I will not spend my money on children who have created merry hell for a year and expect the world to be given to them on a plate. I would raise this point with your child's headteacher if I were you.

[newgirl]

i think this sounds misguided - also i think the kids are being patronised - they know if they have done good work or not, and if not, they will just think it is a joke - nothing is achieved by it

[GryffindorGHOSTY]

ChipButty ... do you HONESTLY buy presents for some children in your class and not others?

That's awful. Sorry.

[fleacircus]

Was wondering about this today, giving out merits to year 8 children who'd worked well during a cover lesson. For one beautiful boy it was the first merit he'd had all term. Sadly the good ones often do get overlooked because their good work becomes accepted as normal, whereas for the real horrors if they manage to stay in a chair and write a sentence it's a cause for celebration. It's not fair but if it makes you feel better, your LO probably gets a lot more praise, love and support at home than some of his tearaway peers ever will.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Bloody hell Chip Butty. That is a pretty rotten thing to do IMO.

[muppetgirl]

Have to say I agree too. In a school I worked in the children didn't know how to play at playtime/lunctime. They would tie children to trees using the skipping ropes, kick balls at the little ones etc. The 'powers that be' decided that they worst perpetrators would get a sticker each time they got through a lunch time without any trouble.....
So the naughty ones got rewarded for expected behaviour and the good ones got nothing.

We are surely teaching the children that to get attention, stickers, reward points etc they have to be naughty first then good.

[PestoMonster]

I agree with you Muppetgirl. My dd1 has complained that this year in her class, some of the more disruptive members are getting merits for not yawning in lessons . She meanwhile has been slogging away, but only gets merits for really good classwork as her behaviour is good already (and therefore is expected to be good). Grrrr!!!

[meandmyflyingmachine]

My ds used to have awful problems getting himself dressed for and after PE. It was a hugestruggle for him, became his 'target' and when he managed to do it by himself he got a sticker. The other children did not all get a sticker for that because they could dress themselves anyway. Each child had individual targets.

[MadEyemarthamooDy]

Good post, fleacircus.

I have a 'good' one, who is constantly overlooked - I don't think he's had a single merit this year. It's just expected that he will behave, get on with his work etc. And I know, from going into school, that the really disruptive children get the lion's share of the attention and lavish praise when they do complete a piece of work or behave well. Which I know is how it works - praise the good, ignore the bad etc.

But it would be nice if the ones who are good all the time got a bit of recognition too.

[PestoMonster]

Hear, hear! MadeyeMartha.

[dustystar]

But thats just it muppetgirl - very often these children don't know how to play and they need help to learn how to do it. I think when schools do this they are just doing their best to help these children learn how to behave in a more accpetable manner. With some children its a case of rewarding any possible thing you can to try and encourage them to behave better.

[lilysmum2007]

my ds came home from school with bruises all over shins as did two of his friends. we were told boy responsible didnt have as nice a home life, didnt make me feel any better about my son being hurt

[PestoMonster]

Yes, but it's so disheartening for the ones who keep their heads down, work hard, behave themselves etc as a matter of course, and then apparently get no recognition for it.

[dustystar]

I agree and its important that all the children get recognised for their individual achievements. DD is a good girl who works hard and the teachers love her. DS has SN and can be a PITA. Ds tends to get more stickers as his TA's use them as a way of encouraging him to behave. DD has 2 teachers and one of them often takes the time to praise her and give her awards but the other rarely does.

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

Chipbutty I'd be happy for you to teach at my school. All this everyone gets an award stuff is nonsense, doesn't teach about real life at all. Awards don't necessarily have to be for academic achievement but certainly bad behaviour should not be rewarded. I feel really strongly about this, it just gives the impression that you don't need to be good to get on, just be bad and get the rewards.

Same can be applied in later life. My previous workplace awarded performance related bonuses. They went down strongly in my opinion when they started giving everyone a bonus, slackers, timewasters, general bad eggs. What was the point of me giving 110% for us all to get the same.

[muppetgirl]

I just find it very hard. We are trying to educate children and also teach them how to be good members of society. I believe school is a mini society in which we teach them these lessons in a safe and caring environment.

I pay my council tax/car tax etc as if I don't then there are consequences. I don't get a lovely letter accompanied with a 'thank you!' sticker in which to display on my jumper. If children tie children to trees using skipping ropes more often than not they knew it wasn't right they just weren't afraid of any consequnces (if there are any)

Once repsect was established things did improve.

My bf was being hit by a child she was teaching and at one point was hit using a coathanger. The head wouldn't suspend the child or do anything and even said to her 'well, it's a part of the job don't you think?' The child sneered at her as he knew, no matter what he did he wasn't going to get disciplined. The other children in the class were also terrifeid of this child and would quite often ask my bf if he could be moved to another class. Should that child then get stickers as he didn't hit her for a whole day?

[HedTwigg]

I think that's totally unreasonable IF its true

I would make an appointment with head to discuss and make it clear that your perception is xxx and please could he explain the policy and how it works in relation to children who are making an effort

there is nothing wrong with rewarding effort if no achievement is attached .. but an award with no effort is a joke IMO

[GryffindorGHOSTY]

None of you possibly knows what goes on in the classrooms. The teacher has a year of x amount of children and a certain number of them have issues. Wnat is wrong with giving a child who started the year badly, recognition for improvement, however small?Any tiny improvement or move forward for any of the 'bad' child deserves credit ... all you know about these children is what you hear from your children and from usual parents gossip in the playground.


If the teachers are not giving recognition to the hardworkers then THAT is when they are being crap ... NOT because they are recognising the ones who are 'naughty' (in your eyes)

And I would be appalled if any teacher I worked with or any teacher of my child's bought presents for some and not others. Horrible. Rather not buy anything at all for any of them.

Threads like this make me so glad I don't live in England anymore.

[GryffindorGHOSTY]

I agree with the sentiment that we, as adults, don't get rewarded for good behaviour ... that is why I don't use any sticker charts for my children ... I found it did NOT help my DS at all ...
But in the classroom it is different.

[muppetgirl]

With my difficult class I found that table points was a better stategy as this encouraged teamwork and much more cooperative, supportive behaviour. They respected this more than stickers as I think at that age (year 3/4 with 6 yr 5's) having your friends think you're cool is more important.

But each to their own and the one think I have learnd whilst teaching is that each class is different and responds to different strategies.