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How many AP parents have VERY clingly babies?

(14 Posts)
Sakura Wed 18-Jul-07 05:47:30

My DD is 10 months, and I`m basically an AP in as far as I promptly respond to her needs, co-sleep, breastfeed, carry her in a sling and all that.
They say that a baby will be reassured by this and will become independant "through dependance". But the thing is, my DD is the clingiest baby I know. Is this because I`m bringing previous issues (childhood abuse) into my relationship with her?( possibly trying too hard to go the other way and making her dependant on me?) Or is it because every baby is different, or is it because most AP 10 month olds go through the same clinginess and then become more independant at a later date?.
Would love reassurance that this is okay. Or advice if it isn`t.

Sakura Wed 18-Jul-07 05:49:22

Sorry, rephrase. Obviously I`m not bringing childhood abuse into my relationship with her!! I mean, I had a bad childhood, and am determined to work through that, while treating my daughter how I would have liked to have been treated. But perhaps I`m somehow too concerned about being a good parent or something. Oh, I don`t know...

BandofMuggles Wed 18-Jul-07 06:37:36

Give her time, DD2 went thru a clingy phase a couple mths ago and she'll be 1 soon so maybe a bit younger than your DD.
She even cried at people she knew, albeit not very well, if they so much as looked at her , smiled, or said hello

BandofMuggles Wed 18-Jul-07 06:38:30

BTW, I am not doing all that, sling at 10 mths, you must have good muscles. Just reassuring it is normal to be clingy at that age.

yogimum Wed 18-Jul-07 06:39:35

I wouldn't give myself a label such as AP but my ds is very clingy too but they are still so small and bound to be totally dependant on their mothers. Stop worrying and just enjoy been a mother, you are doing a great job! Do you ever leave her with anyone else for couple of hours of "you time"?

FillydoraTonks Wed 18-Jul-07 06:41:47

I do think clingyness is common at this age in AP babies, if I am honest.

I then think that this typically resolves itself within a few years.

I ALSO think that a lot of AP parents are either AP parents because their baby is naturally quite clingy, and that is what worked, or at least they enhanced their APness becuase of a clingy baby. So she is probably like this anyway.

FWIW my dd was very like this at 10 mo. I literally couldn't put her down til she started walking. Now she is 2 and pretty independent.

arfishy Wed 18-Jul-07 06:43:28

My DD was very clingy at that age and I was pretty much following the same AP methods as you. She still is tbh and I think it is just my DD rather than anything to do with my parenting. HTH.

Celery Wed 18-Jul-07 06:52:47

Having three children, two of which were AP'd (I'm still slinging and cosleeping with my 16 month old), all three of them have very different personalities, and whether a baby is clingy or not is totally down to personality. My DD was a very needy, shy, quiet baby until she was 18 months old and is now an extrovert, confident 3 and a half year old.

On the subject of slinging older babies and having strong muscles. If you have the right type of sling, it's not painful - those high street bjorn type carriers are no reflection on decent comfortable slings that can be used to carry toddlers.

Sakura Wed 18-Jul-07 08:22:13

THanks so much for the replies. yogimum, I do get a bit of a break sometimes because she`s very attached to her dad, so I can leave her with him.
Yes Filytonks, I do get the impression she may have been born clingy/high need, and that has influenced the way my parenting has gone. Oh well, I`m fully reassured by thesesreplies, thank you.

LeakyCauldron Wed 18-Jul-07 09:16:04

All mine have been clingy at around this age, but if I'm honest the two AP-ed ones were more clingy - hurray for slings! On the flip side though I would say that once they got to 16-18 months they've been far more confident in new situations and have been less clingy.

kiskidee Wed 18-Jul-07 09:19:55

10 mths is a classic separation anxiety age. dd wasn't a clingy baby and i carried her a lot, or rather, as much as she liked but she definitely went through phases when she wanted to be carried more. i come from a culture where babies and toddlers are always being carried by older siblings and extended family if not by parents so i have never been worried about how much clingy vs independence is 'normal'. Right now, at 27 months, she has been going through a lengthy period of wanting to be carried but i would rather do that than push independence on her. call me soft. BTW, i don't label myself as AP as i don't think co-sleeping, carrying, ext bf is anything else but normal.

sakura, have you visited it has lots of links on so-called AP theories which i think are usually research based analyses on the way we lived before modern,erm, conveniences.

summerunderakaftan Wed 18-Jul-07 09:30:28

This is usch a common age to go through this whether AP or not. Around 9-10 months babies get a sense of permanancy and realise that although they cannot see you you are still there and at the same time this comes with a dawning that they are not part of you but a seperate person in their own right. They try to get round this by hating being apart from you and in the case of my 2 screaming if you even turn your back to do something else. It does pass in a month or so and they will become fiercly independant and spend a lot of time getting ambition and ability mixed up and think they can do it all.

It does all even out though just go with it. DD at almost 4 is the most confident independant child of her age out of the ones I know and she was the cuddliest baby aound at that age.

mandymummy Wed 18-Jul-07 15:40:19

Hello Sakura. I just thought you might like to know you are not the only one going through this right now - my DD is also 10 months and also clingy. She has always been clingy but since she started to get more mobile she is even more scared to be apart from me. I think what summerunderakaftan said makes a lot of sense and it's no wonder they need a bit more help. Hang on in there, everyone says this passes.....

Sakura Thu 19-Jul-07 07:58:50

Thank you. I`ll just wait it out then. Thank you for the website kiskidee.

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