6 month old not attached to me

[Alicia870]

I feel like my 6 month old doesn't even acknowledge who I am or know that I'm mum. I feel like I've been feeling like this for months and people have said give it time. But I can see from other mums and babies I interact with that they have such a strong bond.
I feel so down about this as I love my daughter so so so much. But sometimes I feel I am just going through the motions. I just wonder if part of it may be that she looks nothing like me or if it is also that she just shows complete indifference tome. although I feel so overjoyed to have her in my life, I also feel that I'm giving away so much love and getting nothing back in terms of recognition or affection. I almost sometimes feel as though I could be caring for someone else's child and it feels so awful To say that. When I'm with her with others around she hardly even catches my gaze never mind look for me or want to be with me.
I spend all day every day with her and genuinely am a great and caring mummy. I suppose I expected at this stage that that indifference would have gone and I would be getting more affection than previous months by now. Stopped bf at 6 weeks old and can't help but think it would be so different if I had continued. Really struggling with the bond as I feel it's all completely one sided. Is this normal or what are others experiences of this stage?

[cakeandchampagne]

Have you mentioned this to her doctor?

[Notashandyta]

My first was like this, little boy. He wanted to go with everyone he encountered and didnt seem to realise I was a special person in his life at all! Since he turned 3, he wants me and my cuddles all the time, and we have the most amazing bond, giggling together at everything. Im probably closer to him than my younger two, both of who instinctively 'bonded' with me from the beginning, and have always been clingy. They're all different and it's easy to panic with your first. Please know you're going to be the number one person in her life, and remember that she's only tiny and hasnt read any textbook on how to behave. You sound like a wonderful mum. Easier said than done but try and enjoy it all, and dont worry x

[PerspicaciaTick]

At 6mo your DD will not know that you are a separate person from her, she will view you as an extension of herself.
TBH it sounds more like you are the one struggling with bonding, which is very normal for lots of mums. I think it might be worth speaking to your HV for some support.

[LittleKitty1985]

The specific attachment stage starts from 7 months, in which she'll show both separation and stranger anxiety. Your life will get more difficult so just try to enjoy these last couple of weeks of relative peace and freedom haha.

[Alicia870]

With her being my first it's hard to know if I'm looking for something that won't be there for this stage in her development or if there is actually a problem. I really do love her so much and even if she never showed she cares about me, it would never change that. But I am just so longing to have some recognition from her when I walk into a room after being away just to feel like 'mummy, you're doing a good job- thanks, I love you!' Am I a bit crazy 🙈

[Chippychipsforme]

I think you're projecting more grown up emotions which she doesn't have yet. She knows who you are, she knows she is safe and warm and fed and loved, she just doesn't really have many ways to express her love yet.

Did you see the Babies program on the BBC, not sure if it's still on iPlayer, but that helped me understand why my boy wasn't as excited or clingy as other babies! He's now nearly 15 months and despite being fairly indifferent to me, and very independent, for a year, he is now obsessed with me and has to be sat on me or held by me all the time. I cannot move. They change so quickly.

[thesunwillout]

No you're not crazy.
My dd didn't seem to be too bothered if I was in her company or not.
Does your dd give you smiles? Interaction at all?
My girl just wanted to be fed really, and hated closeness, and I did find that a little sad as I felt like she didn't need me.
I've realised that that's her personality and she is just very independent.
As she got older she started to show slightly more physical attachment, but was just quite confident. I guess she knew I was there for her should she need me.
Just keep being a kind, loving mum and believe me you'll reap the benefits in so many ways.
You're at the start of your journey and she definitely knows you're her mum.

[Sevo7]

I get it OP my first was like this,smiled at everyone but rarely me and didn’t seem bothered if I was there or not. I was told it was because I was always there but even if I left him and came back he still didn’t really acknowledge that I was back and I honestly thought he didn’t like me. When he got to about 10 months he became really clingy and only wanted me and we developed an incredibly close bond so give it time. My dd who’s 5 months is totally different and very smiley and responsive towards me but this past month she’s started being just as smiley for everyone even complete strangers! I honestly wouldn’t take it personally,you are her world even if she doesn’t always show it.

[Rubyduby26]

I felt exactly the same as you did with my DS, I would say for the first 9 months of his life, he seemed to prefer anyone and everyone over me and I thought I was doing something wrong and he would be better off without me!

He has recently turned 1 and now I feel like all the hard work I have put in for thr last 12 months is showing he is still very confident around other people (even strangers) but if he's tired, upset, hungry then he only wants me! He is such a funny and loving boy now!

I used to read threads like this to give me hope and the responses are right, give it time and keep doing what you are doing and soon you will reap the benefits