Co-parenting hell!

[Natasha4767]

Hi I wonder if anyone can give me advise, the judge ordered no contact until Cafcass started a section seven and arranged interim. Dad spoke to Cafcass decided he wanted 3 weekends in 4 would collect from school and nursery Friday and drop them off. He’s done the collecting dropping with no issues for 2 years it’s what he wanted and stops conflict as he’s a nightmare And there is a history or DV. I spoke to our officer a said I’d like to do alternative weekends and he could have them Wednesday nights and half the holidays. He refused Wednesdays and holidays and said he only wanted the alternative weekends when his girlfriends partners son (they live together but child partners son goes to dads) is at his house too which sadly falls when my boys biological half sister is at home too I think it’s important they have two weekends togeather a month as I work long hours during the week and Cafcass agreed. Our officer suggested interim contact which dad agreed to collect from nursery Friday then drop them back Monday. Two days before he decided he isn’t happy now to collect the children and won’t agree to any arrangements the officer has suggested and he’s offering no flexibility. This has left the boys heart broken as I positively promoted the fact they were seeing there dad for the first time in 5 months so they were not anxious or worried. They are now so upset. The officer has now suspended contact again before it starts stating it’s not in the boys bests interests as we can’t come to an agreement and she is worried the none continuous unstable arrangements dad has suggested are not in the best interest of the boys. He stating he can’t have the boys in the week as he has work, he can’t collect or drop of at nursery/school on Fridays or Mondays because of work commitments too (he is a self employed gardener and does not work weekends or evenings) he now wants me to do drop off at his times, when I have work too and can’t drive. He made false allegations to the police about my partner saying he was scared for his life and that my partner threatened to kill him which he wrote in his court papers saying he won’t communicate with him but now said he wants him to drop the children off and him fearing for his life has suddenly vanished. On top of this we have one car which is my daughters disability car that is supposed to be solely used for her needs and a leased work van which only has 3 seats. I have explored options of my other daughter changing weekends with her dad but he can’t due to work commitments. I have also offered a weeks full contact each month this being any week he’s happy with, or that the boys go Monday to Wednesday. I’ve even stated he can have the boys any of the other 25 nights a month in any set routine he likes but he has refused everything. I feel like I am failing my children I’ve been up twice tonight tending to my 4 year old who keeps waking up crying that he can’t see his daddy now. I can’t sleep for worrying about all this. I don’t no what else to do I’m about to have a planned c section in 4 weeks and two days after he’s demanding I drop the boys at his house for his weekend. Am I being unreasonable? Cafcas haven’t said he’s being unreasonable just that if what I am offering is different to what my ex can do and there is no room for compromise contact can’t start. How can I compromise anymore? So sorry for rambling but I’m exhausted with it all 😩 to add he hasn't seen them since November

[SpinneyHill]

You have offered as many compromises as you can and he doesn't seem bothered enough to compromise at all. It speaks volumes

It's not your responsibility to force him into being more concerned about seeing them OR to stop them feeling sad about his failure to do so, But he will always be their Dad, they will be let down by him and the precedent being set by him is not your responsibility.

Focus on showing them how to deal with emotions and disappointment they'll likely need those skills to manage a relationship with their dad (which you also can't do for them) instead of beating yourself up because they're sad.

No YANBU

[Natasha4767]

Thanks, I think my hormones are all over at the moment and I'm worried Cafcass won't see this as him being unreasonable. Just over worrying