How to get baby to like grandparents?

[cornflakes5]

My husband and I don't have family close by, so our DD (12 months soon) only sees her grandparents every couple of months. When they visit, she's very happy to play with them, but refuses to be left alone with them, i.e. will scream within a few minutes of DH and me leaving the room. We've tried building up to leaving, like all of us playing together, then DH/me moving to a different part of room (within view), over a couple of days, but nope, she freaks out.

I'm going back to work soon, and have just found a childminder to look after DD. We started settling in this week and I am absolutely flabbergasted that DD was totally fine when I left! She grizzled a bit at the start but was otherwise fine the first time, and second time was 100% tear-free.

I've tried to work out why DD was so ok with the childminder but not the grandparents. The childminder had other babies coming in and out, but some of the time it was just the two of them. The childminder is lovely and obviously has lots of experience. Is that what it is?

Anyone else in this position? How can we help the grandparents achieve this? The childminder does, unfortunately, have to go on holiday 😱 from time to time, and the grandparents want to provide cover but I feel very nervous about this at the moment.

[Imfinehowareyou]

I think you need to spend more time with the grandparents so that your DD can get used to them. Some people aren't very relaxed around young children and the children pick this up. The childminder probably makes your DD feel safe.

[cansu]

I assume that she doesn't expect you around at childminders house. At home she is probably more flummoxed at your absence. Perhaps spending time at their home will help.

[Jackshouse]

The issues is her age causing separation anxiety and not seeing the grandparents very often. She needs to see them more regularly. A couple of months is nearly 20% of her life, every time she sees them it’s like it’s the first time.

[cornflakes5]

Thank you - sounds like more time spent with them, and somewhere not just home, is the right way forward!

[Ns19]

When she does spend time with her grandparents try your best to make it as fun and as exciting as possible. Let them do things with her that she likes to do. Maybe special things she only does at grandpa and grandmas house. Try to make their house something she looks forward to somehow. Even if it’s a gift, this is how young children learn that their actions have consequences not just bad ones good ones too! Oh and when she interacts with them praise her for it. Show her how happy that makes you. You could even be affectionate towards them when she’s around a hug etc. if your comfortable with that. Kids love their parents and look up to them. If you like someone or something and show it their more likely to feel the same (sometimes not always) good luck and don’t give up! My grandma was my favorite person in the entire world. Grandparents are so special and important!!!!