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How has your childhood affected how you bring up your children?

(57 Posts)
bohemianbint Mon 09-Jul-07 13:31:41

I'm curious, as it's struck me recently that my crappy childhood has come back to haunt me and I am doing the exact opposite to what my parents did, on the whole...

Kaloo20 Mon 09-Jul-07 13:38:51

I make sure I am physically close to my children and that we cuddle often. We also talk about growing up and experiences and feelings + they love to hear tales about 'When Mummy was your age', or 'when Mummy was a teenager' I like them to know I'm a real person not a perfect Mummy.

They particularly love tales of when I was naughty!

Callisto Mon 09-Jul-07 14:59:19

My parents where horribly, ridiculously strict with me (but not my brother of course) so I am a real go-with-the-flow parent. I also make sure that DD and I have loads of cuddles and I love yous and that I give her lots of encouragement as it was all lacking in my childhood. (Not that my parents were heartless monsters, just a bit Victorian).

mytwopenceworth Mon 09-Jul-07 15:05:41

I always have a lot of toilet roll.

When I was a kid my parents didn't have a lot of money, but what they did have, they mismanaged. We never had things like loo roll (used newspaper etc, buggered up the loo!) but they smoked and always had money for a bar of chocolate Their priorities were a bit odd. I have 50p what shall I buy? Loo roll? Bread? Milk? Put it on the gas? No. I shall buy chocolate bars.

Now and again you can understand, but this was ALL the time!

Anyway. When I left home I had a thing about toilet roll. If I got down to 20, I had to go and get more.

Nowadays I am better, only have about 6-12 in the house at a time. However, in times of stress I tend to buy double.

Dh can tell how I'm feeling by how many loo rolls are in the house.

I know, I am weird!

cornsilk Mon 09-Jul-07 15:05:41

I try to miss out the unpleasant bits (smacking, very strict etc) and include the good bits. I wish I had the hold my mum had on us sometimes when my kids won't do their homework etc. It was never an issue for her.

AbRoller Mon 09-Jul-07 15:06:53

I don't smack. The humiliation and emotional pain were far worse than any slap I ever got and lasted longer than the sting...years in fact.

cornsilk Mon 09-Jul-07 15:08:42

I agree Abroller - and I was always scared of telling my mum that I had done anything wrong for fear of a smack.

Saturn74 Mon 09-Jul-07 15:08:44

I don't smack.
I let my children have a say in decision that affect the whole family.

mytwopenceworth Mon 09-Jul-07 15:10:26

Oh, got carried away and forgot my actual point!!

I always make sure I have the basics. Am fanatical about it. Stockpile stuff.

Also, I don't smack. My parents did from time to time and it was horrible.

They also didn't make me go to school. I used to fake illness, or go off in the am but come back an hour later with chocolate as a bribe and mum never made me go back. I NEVER will let my kids bunk off. I will frogmarch them and sit next to them in class if I have to!

Saturn74 Mon 09-Jul-07 15:10:37

And I am very snuggly and tactile with them too.

muppetgirl Mon 09-Jul-07 15:13:48

My son has brand new shoes when he needs them and doesn't have to get wet feet first.

My son has brand new uniforms that fit in with everyone else.

My dh cuddles our ds everyday and tells him that he loves him

We don't play emotional games, we don't ignore him when he's done someting wrong (how's he supposed to know what he's done unless he is told??)

We aim to treat our children equally/fairly (ds2 due nov ish)

We are teaching our ds about money and how to use it (dh was never shown and has been quite honestly rubbish with it)

AbRoller Mon 09-Jul-07 15:15:38

I talk openly (well as much as is digestable for my dd) about our bodies, where babies come from, tampons, boobs etc. I was so embarrassed to talk to my mother about anything like that.

That reminds me of the time dd asked me when will her boobs 'blow up' like mine

MhamaiJane Mon 09-Jul-07 15:15:51

I've learned that I have many of the same traits as my parents be they good bad or indifferent. Sadly awareness is only half the battle and I am sometimes alarmed to hear myself mid roar to discover that I'm repeating the sentiments of my mother or father.

I believe it's my willingness to admit I've been in denial that will go some way to ensuring I don't just continue to parent the way I was parented but to be the parent my child needs and deserves.

muppetgirl Mon 09-Jul-07 15:19:34

...I don't mind aplogising and saying when I'm wrong.

I don't mind admiting 'I don't know -shall we find out?'

electrongirl Mon 09-Jul-07 15:20:39

Twopenceworth are you my long lost sister? I think we come from the same mould. My parents were like that about loo roll too, my middle class partner was actually shocked when I told him we used to use newspaper!

That and the mis managed money thing, oh my god, spooky.

mslucy Mon 09-Jul-07 15:23:00

I have my own life and don't live through my kids - well kid (I ds)

I don't see ds as an extension of me. From the minute he was born I saw him as a totally separate person

I want to say "why not" when he suggets doing weird and wonderful things, rather than list every reason why said wonderful thing is a bad idea.

I don't want to project frustrations with my own marriage/lack of sex life/lack of career/financial independence on to a child

pagwatch Mon 09-Jul-07 15:24:21

I was fourth daughter and never had a dress or anything new until I was 11. Daughter has the wardrobe of a narcissistic wag - and is only 4. Terrible really.

I do spend lots of time talking with my kids - i think being one of eight left me feeling a bit insignificant to my parents and i make sure my kids have loads of hugs and love and attention.

MyEye Mon 09-Jul-07 15:24:51

I realise my parents got it pretty much right
when I'm in a parenting pickle, I often wonder what my mum would have done
Then I do it and usually it works

muppetgirl Mon 09-Jul-07 15:26:09

My second brother always complained of that. He hated getting my older brothers' hand-me-downs. I was last and a girl so at least my clothes, though mostly second hand, were new to me.

mytwopenceworth Mon 09-Jul-07 15:28:53

Did your mum take you upstairs and make you hide with her on the landing, round the back of the bannister, when the rent man/loan man came a calling?

If so, <opens arms> hold me, new found sibling.

mytwopenceworth Mon 09-Jul-07 15:29:33

That to Electrongirl, obviously!

Flower3554 Mon 09-Jul-07 15:33:04

I tell my DC's I love them all the time, I never heard those words spoken to me until I met DH.

As children, my brother and sister and I went for days without "proper food" so I became fanatical about well stocked larders, fridges etc.

When they were at home we sat down for a meal together every day and we talked about our day, my parents could not have told you my best friends name or even my teachers name

The parents they were made me a better one.

meandmyflyingmachine Mon 09-Jul-07 15:34:13

I had a wonderful childhood, with marvellous parents. They very rarely smacked (never that I can remember, although they claim they did once or twice in extremis), were free witht he cuddles and were supportive abovw and beyond the call of duty.

Result? I am convinced I can't live up to them.

You can't win...

meandmyflyingmachine Mon 09-Jul-07 15:35:55

Of course, they're still telling me how marvellous I am, and how well my children are turning out.

Oh for something to rebel against

FioFioJane Mon 09-Jul-07 15:36:30

my mum was a wonderful role model to me, so i just try and be as loving as her which comes naturally anyway.

I do feel sad though that my parents dont have grannies down the road like we did, but nevermind

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