How on earth do you get everything done?(64 Posts)
I have been feeling so useless recently, I can't seem to get anything done around the house, dinner consists of ready meals, laundry goes for days without being folded and put away etc etc and yet it's not as if I'm spending hours being out with the kids, we're at home a lot of the time.
I just can't seem to cope with eg trying to cook dinner with ds (14 months)clinging to my legs and dd (4yrs)wanting a drink/paper to draw etc and I seem to have just given up. As fast as I can tidy ds especially is messing up again and I just feel like it's all hopeless and I'm useless.
And this is at the moment whilst dd is at kindergarten nearly full time, once she's home for the holidays I just DREAD to think how I'll cope. And I find the lack of 'me' time the hardest to deal with. I have no help nearby such as relatives and have only recently moved to the area and haven't made that many friends yet.
Any tips or advice or encouragement from anyone would be so much appreciated.
Sorry you're having a bit of a rough time at the moment. Does your DS have a daytime nap still? Seems like that would be the only time to get anything done - although when you have such hectic days, of course all you want to do is rest when your lo finally goes down for a nap! Meal-wise, I'm a big fan of the slow-cooker. You can do a meal very quickly in those and you don't have to watch them all day...
ooh dear no tips from me - how do I get everything done? I don't. I lower my standards and ready meals are marvellous things. Can you stretch to a cleaner once a week or an ironer?
Can you maybe give yourself a break and have a think about how things will get better when your dcs are older and it won't always be like this.
It's not the end of the world if you eat ready meals (pricy though), dress out of the laundry basket etc. Maybe you just have to accept some of this for now and decide what things are most important to your sanity and try for those.
Can you afford a cleaner once a week to give the place a once over or help with ironing?
As for housework, I absolutely don't do any! I do the bare essentials necesary to run a household (shopping, cooking, laundry etc.) but I never dust, tidy, clean windows etc.! Online shopping has saved me a lot of time - takes a while to get going, but you can whizz through it in no time once you're into the swing of it. And when you do ever find to cook - make double portions and freeze it!
Can you find a babysitter? Ask another parent if they can recommend anyone. Just to get a bit of time to yourself.
Do you have a partner? If not then even more important to get time with other grown ups.
?Join some activity thing you like doing to meet some people.
Don't worry about the piles of clothes and mess too much. They are normal!
Food. You can do 5 minute pasta with some sauce and salad in the time it takes to do a ready meal. Cheaper too. Lots of cold throw-on food now the summer is here.
The me time is the most important though for your sanity.
I have a dd (3 year) + a ds (2 years), my partner and I own our on business (hotel/restaurant) he work full-time and I look after the children + help out when it is very busy.
I know what it feel like when the house is full of toys, the children running around screaming, a big pile of laundry and food to be prepared. So this is how we do it.
I have sorted out the kids toys,I have allowed them to pick out a certain amount of toys, the rest is put away. Then every 3-4 week the children pick 1-2 "older" toys and exchange them too "new" toys. I only allow the amount of toys that I am wiiling to see lying around on the floor.
When they finish to play with a toys it has to be put back on a shell "they have their own" or in their room, otherwise I will keep for the rest of the day.
Laundry is done 2 a week, I wash everything (explain it is laundry day) I wash, put in dryer (or outside) put everything on the bed. When the kids are sleeping I turn on the TV, get the iron=board out and get cracking. I do find it relaxing to iron. Just me and a cup of tea (little bit of chocolate ofcourse).
When it comes to food a cook a nice hot meal for lunch and dinner is often leftovers or something very fast to cook pasta dishes etc. I put on a dvd while I cook or the kids will play outside.
Cleaning is done early in the morning when the kids are watching a few cartoons while they are waking up. And general tidying is done with the kids (how fast can you do this etc. I will play football with you as soon as your room is tidy etc. So when they go to bed I just have to do the dishes and ironing.
Ofcourse there are days when everything is not getting done but I believe I planing a few things (like laundry) and I have certains days where I clean different rooms. That keeps thing from getting out of hand.
I certainly don't manage to get everything done but one of the things that saves my sanity is going out (with the children) often.
They make no mess at home when you are not there and any clinging/demands seem easier for me to cope with when not at home.
Also, regular trips to the park/toddler group/play centre etc help tire everyone out so I can put them to bed earlier!
Lower your standards and get big boxes for their toys and a big laundry basket. My house is dirty but if most things are more or less where they should be the place seems to look better.
Each time you go upstairs try to take up something with you that belongs there and vice versa.
Also try cleaning the bathroom whilst the kids are in the bath.
always make the beds - if they are bed the bedrooms look better straight away (even if you can't see the carpet)
Take them straight out in the morning as long as possible (good park, long walk - doesn't have to be pricey).
Has two benefits.
1)knackers them out
2) out of the house so don't make more mess.
Put a load of washing on in morning before you go out. And wash up/put dishwasher on.
WHen get home put it out (or in dryer) and put another load on (to be dried in morning). Don't iron unless absolutely necessary.
Quick tidy up after kids have gone to bed and put washing away. Wipe down sides in kitchen and quick hoover (shouldn't take more than an hour at the very very most).
Bathroom quick to clean one or two nights per week.
Use quick easy meals. Get slo cooker is also good.
Thanks for all your posts, I think i need to hear more people saying it doesn't matter, instead of MIL who likes to hold herself out as some sort of wonderwoman. Last time she was at my house she said she'd like to give it a spring clean. I was really upset that she said such a thing, I should've said something to her at the time but of course I didn't.
I'm ashamed to say I have got a cleaner although she's only been for 2 weeks so far, but she comes once a week, the day after she comes it's as if she's never been near the place.
I think what I really need is a decent break from the kids but trying to find someone who will mind them is so difficult when there are no family nearby and we've only lived here a short while so I haven't made that many friend and those I have made have got their hands full with their own kids. DH has just started a new job and has been away for 3 days on a business trip.
My confidence is also low as I have eczema which flared up badly since having the kids and is on my face so is very visible so I guess I am also reluctant to talk to new people as well. Have been to the docs and got the usual creams but it is very hard to get rid of.
Sorry to sound so down, I'm usually quite upbeat but recently everything has just got to me and I feel like i can't go on, (not in a suicidal way) but I just need some help with the kids and a break from them as well.
Forget the housework - that will always be there. Go out more with and without the children. Sounds like you need to make some friends nearby. Maybe there is a good park/sports centre/toddler group/whatever near you? Find some childcare, even if only for an hour so you can go and have a rest/haircut/swim or something.
It really doesn't matter.
HAve a big box you can chuck all the toys and random junk in in the evening. They'll get it all out again the next day and it only takes 5 minutes to put away.
Ignore you MIL sounds like she's trying to make herself look better by putting you down. And I bet she hasn't got small children messing up behind her .
The best thing to do if you are feeling a bit down is to get out the house alot (especially if it is getting to you). If you are feeling isolated try using the meetup section here/local site here or something like netmums meet-a-mum.
Whereabouts are you?
Also, ds gets up around 5-5.30am every day so am tired all the time as well. He has one nap and I try and have a rest then but once dd is home for the holidays there will be no chance of rest til they are both in bed.
Oh gosh. You poor thing trying to do it all yourself.
I would really concentrate on getting a babysitter/childminder to look after the children for an hour one day a week, or the odd evening. Try local teenagers - ask around at kindergarten.
Don't worry about the excema. Anyone who thinks that is a problem is not worth making friend with. Good luck.
IF you are getting really tired, go to bed when they settle. Hang everything else. You won't get much done if you are too tired.
next time your MIL says she would like to give your house a spring clean - tell her the gloves are under the sink|!
I'm in Kingston upon Thames. Are any of you nearby?
Sounds to me like you are coping with the move as well as the children!
FWIW I found the flylady philosophy very useful in plannign what I did in a sensible way (I was v much a blue assed fly in my approach), but by having a weekly plan, things became a bit more under control and by planning trips out/social events I made sure I got out and about which I found vital.
Also, when things looked untidy, I would think well the whole house gets dusted tomorrow so I don't need to worry today.
This is the first time I've posted anything on here and I actually feel better just reading all your replies. Thanks for all your support, it really helps.
I am going to concentrate on finding some help, I think having some time away from the kids will definately give me more energy when I'm with them.
barefootdancer is right. oneplusone i know how you feel i was like that with just one at the time we moved and i knew noone. it helps to do stuff with the kids so you can get to know other parents in your area local groups, although low self esteem i know makes this hard, as is the fact that the hols are coming. good advice to keep the kids out alot as the mess is less overwhelming then. have you moved far- can you still see your old friends, invite them over or better still go to theirs? get a babystter - will your cleanerbabysit, ordoes she have a daughter - go out with dh and get out the house or leave dc with dh and get out on your own, retail therapy or the like. my dc don't notice the mess that is our home but they don't like it when i'm down - so take some time out for you, you ill feel better.
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