Was I wrong to throw DD's dinner in the bin?

[sandyballs]

She's a stroppy little madam (6 years old) and me and Dh have had problems disciplining her recently. She won't stay on the naughty step (probably outgrown it), seems completely disinterested in star charts/incentives, or us shouting or putting her to bed early etc, We've also tried praising the good ignoring the bad to a certain extent but she's a strong willed, hot headed little thing and I'm coming to the end of my tether with her, she's upsetting our family life.

This evening she was mucking about at the dinner table with her sister (also 6), using her fingers, swinging around in her seat, opening her mouth to show everyone her half eaten food, etc etc. She and her sister got several warnings from me and DH, her sister stopped being silly, but stroppy DD didn't. She decided to shout out "you're a bossy bum hole" to me instead . This is a lovely term she seems to have picked up from school and which she knows me and Dh hate her using. I grabbed her dinner, threw it all in the kitchen bin in front of her and sent her to her bedroom. She went ballistic, screaming and shouting (she loves her food). When she had calmed down she apologised, promised she would try and behave and not use bad words so I feel that this has worked, but DH thinks I was a bit harsh chucking her food in the bin.

Sorry this is so long and I'm rambling on, but I need help with her. I'm terrified of fast forwarding ten years and having a stroppy abusive 16 year old towering over me and using much worse words

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Well it seems to have had the desired effect, so I'd say you were right to do it! Possibly I'd have warned her that it would happen if she continued behaving the way she was, but you can always do that next time (if there is one), knowing that she won't want it to happen again.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I don't blame you for chucking it in the bin.

Won't do her any harm. Ask DH how he would have handled it better and why he didn't intervene if he had all the answers.

No don't, it'll end up in an argument. Rise above it.

[crispyduck]

Its ok I have a stroppy 13year old who tests my patience all the time. Dont beat yourself up about it...we all get frustrated sometimes...

[merrygoround]

Think it's ok but possibly better done in a calm manner after warnings so she knows what's coming?

[PeachesMcLean]

What CSWS said. I tried to write something similar but it didn't come out as well.
Key is to keep the moral high ground, look her straight in the eye and remind her it might happen again if she behaves like that.

[ConnorTraceptive]

also LOL at bossy bum hole

but don't think you were harsh and it obviously had the desired effect so next time just give her a warning that it's what you will do. Atleast she knows you're prepared to do it.

[RosaLuxembourg]

In theory, I would have given her a count to five warning, then done it if she persisted. In the heat of the moment, I'd probably have done the same. Now she knows you mean business and you have a basis for insisting on better behaviour at mealtimes from now on.

[ConnorTraceptive]

as for your dh mine said I shouldn't over use the naughty step when i put ds on it tonight to which I replied better than listening to you raise your voice at him for the whole of dinner and still see no desired effect.

He shut up pretty quick

[oliveoil]

I know I (along with others) bore for England on this book, but I can really recommend this one

I will dig it out and see what it recommends in this instance

something like

I can see someone messing about, you must be fed up sitting here. Maybe if you sit nicely you will finish your dinner quickly and be able to leave the table

then we can play with some toys!!

[oliveoil]

you acknowledge their feelings (figeting), suggest what they are feeling (boredom) then use fantasy (we will play with toys)

something along those lines anyway

[sandyballs]

Thanks for your replies, it's good to get a different perspective on it and I suppose I can even manage a smile at bossy bum hole now I've calmed down .

Like the idea that I can now use this as a threat through warnings and she'll know I'll carry it through.

I just wish my relationship with her was a bit easier, she's such damn hard work. Might take her out on my own at the weekend.

[sandyballs]

I can understand that angle completely oliveoil, but sometimes it's so hard at the end of the day to be arsed with it all.
Just do it! Just bleeding behave ffs. But i also know that's unrealistic as they are as tired as us.

[oliveoil]

dd2, nearly 3, huge pita at night (tired)

refusing to go to bed

I say, oh you are really tired dd2 (she nods tearfully), you are fed up I see (nods), shall we see if your teddies are tired (curiously looks at me)

I then line her teddies up and they 'walk' up the stairs 'snoring'

she giggles and follows them up

RESULT!

it is knackering though and most of the time it is easier to screech oh fgs get to bed

x

[oliveoil]

oh I screech all the time

50% book, 50% harridan in this house

[ConnorTraceptive]

hmmm

I can see someone trying to feed the cat kidney beans, i think someone is trying to be kind to the cat, maybe if you eat the kidney beans instead then after dinner we can give the cat something that won't make her crap everywhere before she can make it out the cat flap.

[oliveoil]

something like that!

it sounds stupid but it works

and you are supposed to say mmmmm and ahhhhhh when they are talking to you

[sandyballs]

When i was putting her to bed she did say "mummy do you think I'll be able to eat all my dinner tomorrow" .

[GibbonAsRalphWiggum]

At the risk of sounding soft...the teddies walking up the stairs snoring (followed by a giggling DD) is a lovely image

[ConnorTraceptive]

I wish I had your patience olive oil wasn't mocking the principle by the way as it does actually sound alot more civilised than some of my approach's

ok so
"I can see someone trying to feed the cat kidney beans ooh yummy, maybe if you eat the kidney beans instead mmmm yum yum, then after dinner we can give the cat something that won't make her crap etc etc ooooh yucky crap all on the floor

[macdoodle]

Nice in theory - stressed pregnant mummy daddy not here mum in work all day with stinking cold - shouting much better ;)

[sandyballs]

Right, after a good night's sleep I woke up feeling a bit more refreshed and calm and decided to try your approach olive oil. It went a bit like this:

DD: "I'm not getting dressed in my uniform today mummy because I'm not going to school".

Me: "I can see you're a bit sad this morning sweetheart, is anything bothering you at school".

DD: "No, I'm just not going to school, I'm going to stay on the sofa and watch tv".

Me: "That does sound rather lovely sweetheart but you do know that you have to go to school on a Wednesday, so let's just get dressed and meet your friends on the corner, so we can all walk together, they would miss you if you weren't there".

DD: "Are you not listening mummy? I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY".

Me: Deep, deep breaths, starting to turn a bit purple, veins bulging "Let's have a cuddle my gorgeous, gorgeous girl and then I'll help you get dressed"

DD: "Can you go and sit on the other sofa mummy, your breath smells".

So where am I going wrong? Did I miss a bit?

[Wisteria]

Get up the stairs this instant, Mummy is not in the mood, put your school clothes on otherwise I will drag you to school in your pyjamas and all the other children will laugh at you.

NOW!!!!!!