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Hubby left 18 month old home alone - advice needed please

(114 Posts)
MamaBear0307 Sun 16-Dec-18 00:46:31

I found out tonight that my husband left our 18 month old alone in the house sleeping whilst he popped to the corner shop to get beer. Now that I’ve found out about this I strongly suspect this isn’t the first time this has happened.
I’m actually in shock that he could be so selfish. I am a very relaxed mother but this I am not ok with.
The shop is 30 second walk from the house so not a massive distance.
Please tell me what you think, what would you do? How would you react and handle this?

Thank you xxx

italiancortado Sun 16-Dec-18 00:57:42

Does he always act like an irresponsible child?

Annandale Sun 16-Dec-18 01:04:26

OK I took a letter to a postbox 100 yards down the street while my four-month-old napped. (I locked myself out, nearly died of fear and never did it again).

Talk to him. He thinks this is OK. Why? You need to know. I'm on your side, but people do dumb stuff without being evil.

foodiefil Sun 16-Dec-18 01:07:27

Where were they? Asleep?

18 month olds are pretty active wild ones who could do anything in that time - what the hell was he thinking? Sorry OP but he's very irresponsible

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 16-Dec-18 01:07:38

How does he try to explain that it's ok? It's never ok to do this. He's putting his selfish wants before the safety of your child.

Personally I'd be really shocked and show how shocked I was, and I'd expect him never to do it again. If he wasn't immediately contrite then I'd probably get very angry.

I can't imagine my partner ever doing this, it would shock me very much and make me reconsider his whole understanding of what being a parent means. And I'd tell him that.

losingfaith Sun 16-Dec-18 01:12:40

So he left an 18 month old to go and purchase beer to drink whilst looking after said 18 month old..? I completely unacceptable.

MamaBear0307 Sun 16-Dec-18 01:18:49

Yes. He’s also had a whole bottle of wine before that too :-(

Graphista Sun 16-Dec-18 01:29:03

He prioritised alcohol over a small child's safety.

Honestly I'd be telling him he needs to get his priorities RIGHT or get lost!

Totally unacceptable behaviour!

Llioed Sun 16-Dec-18 01:33:19

If my DH drank a bottle of wine whilst looking after our 18 month old, then went and bought beer from the corner shop (regardless of time and distance) whilst child was asleep in the house....? I would be seriously questioning the future of our marriage. I would find that very unacceptable, pretty much unforgiving and would be telling my DH to get himself to Alcoholics Anonymous. I wouldn’t even ask “why” did he do it, especially if I suspected he did this before.

However, my advice to you will differ because I don’t know you or your situation. Wait until the morning when he is sober, and maybe get someone to look after your 18 month old so you can both have a serious discussion. I would explain that if this happened again, you and your child will not put up with it and he would have to leave. Having said that, it should NEVER happen again. Sounds like he just couldn’t go without the beer, so if that’s the case, a visit to AA may be required. That’s non-negotiable.

flowers I hope you are ok?

MattFreisCheekyDimples Sun 16-Dec-18 01:33:40

Hmm, I'm obviously a shocking mother, as I don't think walking 30 seconds away from a sleeping child is a big deal really, assuming house secure, stair gates etc. If it really was 30 seconds then the bottom of the garden might well not be any nearer. But I would be concerned about the importance alcohol seems to have in this picture.

babydreamer1 Sun 16-Dec-18 01:35:28

I would be furious. Firstly he should never ever leave a child unattended. A rough guess he was gone for 5 mins in total, absolutely anything could have happened, think how fast fire can spread. Secondly, why is he drinking substantially when solely responsible for your DC, that's unacceptable. His whole attitude is irresponsible and he seems to value alcohol above his child's safety. I wouldn't leave him alone with my child again.

Llioed Sun 16-Dec-18 01:42:48

The other aspect to consider is does your DH drive? What if your 18 month old needed to get to hospital but wasn’t quite considered an emergency (for an ambulance)? How would have your DH got the child to hospital?

The more I think about it the more I would feel I couldn’t forgive my DH.

As for the poster who said about the bottom of the garden - that’s ridiculous! At least you are still within your home boundaries. Not actually “off the premises” and buying beer! Don’t ever compare walking into your garden to walking a bloody shop....!

Babymamamama Sun 16-Dec-18 01:49:30

Seems the bigger issue is whether your partner is becoming alcohol dependent. In which case he may cease to be a responsible parent...

PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo Sun 16-Dec-18 01:51:16

“babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

BollockingBaubles Sun 16-Dec-18 02:07:51

Accidents happen and not always inside the house. It's not something happening to baby while home alone but something happening to him while he's out and he will be increasing the risk by walking to the shop tipsy from a whole bottle of wine. If he fell down and knocked himself unconscious for example. My mil has done this twice half pissed.

I'd be angry that rather than stop after a full bottle of wine (which would have me hammered to be honest) and lafter his child, he chose more alcohol and left a baby alone to get it.

I'd be pissed off that he's drinking and then making unsafe choices to obtain more alcohol when he shouldn't be getting drunk anyway. (And a whole bottle of wine and then cans of beer on top is enough to get most people drunk)

BollockingBaubles Sun 16-Dec-18 02:08:43

How did you find out OP?

Italiangreyhound Sun 16-Dec-18 02:13:02

Totally unacceptable. It's always a long shot that something might happen but basically you don't take the risk.

It sounds like the beer was more important in that moment.

DistanceCall Sun 16-Dec-18 02:24:02

It's not 30 seconds.

But even if it were, it would be one minute coming and going. An 18-month-old can have a serious accident in a minute, if unsupervised.

Your husband sounds like an alcoholic. You need to have a very serious conversation here. And then decide what you want to do as a result of that conversation.

puddled2 Sun 16-Dec-18 02:29:57

You let this happen before..why are you so shocked it happened again ?

MattFreisCheekyDimples Sun 16-Dec-18 02:38:43

As for the poster who said about the bottom of the garden - that’s ridiculous! At least you are still within your home boundaries. Not actually “off the premises” and buying beer! Don’t ever compare walking into your garden to walking a bloody shop....!

That was me. The alcohol aside (which I said was a concern), explain to me how it's different? If I walked to the bottom of my garden, I wouldn't be able to hear if a toddler was calling for me. Does that mean I shouldn't ever leave the house for five minutes while they sleep to hang out my washing, for instance? How far may I go? Down two flights of stairs? Or only one? Can I have a bath while they nap? Or only use the loo? Or not even that?

It's a genuine question. I don't understand why you think remaining 'within your home boundaries' makes things safer, if the times and distances are the same.

octoberfarm Sun 16-Dec-18 02:40:02

I'm not usually one to throw LTB around, but if I'd found out my husband had drunk an entire bottle of wine whilst caring for our baby and then skipped off down the road to get more alcohol, leaving our 18 month old alone at home? It would be the end of our marriage, and the end of me leaving our child unsupervised with him again.

I once went to pee whilst my 18 month old was playing happily on the floor, and I was sure I'd thought through all the risks and he'd be okay with me in the next room for less than thirty seconds. I came back in to find him precariously balancing on the edge of the dining room table, and it terrified me. I'm a generally pretty laid back parent but kids that age can get into a lot of danger very, very quickly. It's never worth the risk, and especially not so he could get some more beer.

TheMythicalChicken Sun 16-Dec-18 02:42:36

I had a friend with a 5 storey town house and we calculated that actually her local shop was closer to her kitchen than the nursery was 😁.

The drinking would bother me, tbh. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a couple of drinks, but a whole bottle of wine plus beer - no.

AlmostAJillSandwich Sun 16-Dec-18 02:42:48

So all you saying about supervision, your children are in your line of sight 24/7 are they, you never sleep, pop for a loo break, or do ANYTHING than watch like a hawk?
Presumably if the shop is that close its in, pick up what he knows he wants, pay, out and back home in 5 max. The baby was asleep, presumably in a cot, it's hardly a hanging offence, i don't get the horror at all.

Heyjudas Sun 16-Dec-18 03:03:00

Frankly, I don't see the issue. But I was a stay awake all night Mum in case she stops breathing type. So I learned to chill the fuck out. I have legged it to the corner shop in 0.2 seconds though. You check on baby, baby is asleep, secure etc., that 5 minutes you're gone, isn't going to traumatise her even if she did wake up.
I think you're being silly. I know I am very much the minority however.

surlycurly Sun 16-Dec-18 03:07:57

What if a car hit you? Or someone had a heart attack in front of you in the shop and you had to help? Or you lock yourself out. The point is that unexpected things happen and putting yourself in a situation where you increase the likelihood of that is not ok. And yes, accidents happen in the home too but those are less likely to keep you from your child. And being sober will drop those odds once again. This is a big problem IMHO

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