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' Chronic overparenting' it something MNers recognize ?

(394 Posts)
mozhe Fri 22-Jun-07 13:17:43

...and by that I mean the persistent/long term/almost obsessive preoccupation with providing ' perfection' for their DCs....

Do you think this is something you are prone to ?

Is it more likely to occur in parents of first/only children ?

More likely in previously high achieving SAHMS ?

And what do you understand by the term ' benign neglect ' ?

dinosaur Fri 22-Jun-07 13:18:12

Is this a work-related topic for you mozhe?

mozhe Fri 22-Jun-07 13:19:58

It is something I'm quite interested in....I was trying to explain it to a french colleague....don't think it quite happens in the same way in France ?
What are your thoughts Dino ?

dinosaur Fri 22-Jun-07 13:20:46

It's not something I am prone to.

Curmudgeonlett Fri 22-Jun-07 13:21:56

Nope not prone to it ..

yes I would imagine it is more likely to occur in parents with only one child .. it equates to the PFB syndrome doen't it

I suppose I fit in with 'previously high achieving SAHMS' but am happy to say my children do not get perfection nor do they expect it

benign neglect .. hah .. didn't I coin that phrase on here

Speccy Fri 22-Jun-07 13:22:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oranges Fri 22-Jun-07 13:22:53

not sure I've met anyone who actually does this. It seems to be a phenomena created by the media. Most 'previously high achieving SAHMs' I met are relaxed and confident about parenting.

TootyFrooty Fri 22-Jun-07 13:23:04

Never come across it.

Anna8888 Fri 22-Jun-07 13:24:47

Over-parenting is to me the kind of parent that schedules every minute of a child's day with organised activities and doesn't leave any room for free play, vegging, child entertaining itself, unscheduled chat, just getting on with life etc.

I think it's a big thing in London and New York, judging by the friends I have in those cities. And it's also an issue for working mothers who are a bit anxious that their children aren't getting enough stimulation.

Most SAHMs I know are pretty relaxed and "hang out" with their children...

Curmudgeonlett Fri 22-Jun-07 13:25:08

of course there's a lot of preconceptions hidden in the questions

after all the phrase 'previously high acheiving' when referring to SAHMs made me snort

dinosaur Fri 22-Jun-07 13:25:56

I don't know anyone in London who displays "chronic overparenting" (I live in London, btw).

Anna8888 Fri 22-Jun-07 13:29:04

I have one girlfriend here, in Neuilly, whose 5 and 6 year old daughters have all day school plus "improving" after school activities (ballet, violin, English, speech therapy, psychoanalyst) and playdates every day... her children aren't much fun, actually, as they don't have any imagination . That's "over-parenting" IMO because it's counter-productive.

zookeeper Fri 22-Jun-07 13:29:16

lol Mohze - I have this insecapbale feeling that you're more at the "benign neglect" end of the spectrum.

So am I

We'd better duck now before the onslaught begins

zookeeper Fri 22-Jun-07 13:29:37


ViciousSquirrelSpotter Fri 22-Jun-07 13:29:41

I think it's a meejah invention

filthymindedvixen Fri 22-Jun-07 13:30:34

benign neglect here too..

dinosaur Fri 22-Jun-07 13:30:44

Come on then mozhe, why don't you enlighten us - what do you "understand by the term "benign neglect"?

WaynettaSlob Fri 22-Jun-07 13:31:18

But Anna - they may not seem like much fun to you, but perhaps they are happy, and surely that's they key?

zookeeper Fri 22-Jun-07 13:31:55

Does the word "playdate" get your hackles up?

edam Fri 22-Jun-07 13:34:10

pyschoanalysis?! Blimey.

Anna8888 Fri 22-Jun-07 13:35:00

Waynetta - no, when I say they aren't much fun, I mean they whine and can't occupy themselves and they are a nightmare to have round - my daughter can't bear the earthquake like zone her bedroom becomes when they've been round. They aren't happy, nor is their mother (and she's a good friend and we talk about all these issues).

Marina Fri 22-Jun-07 13:35:06

Me too dino. Alien concept in our part of London as well

dinosaur Fri 22-Jun-07 13:35:42

Agree with oranges, meeja invention.

Anna8888 Fri 22-Jun-07 13:36:26

edam - yes, I can't take the psychoanalysis thing that Parisians have either

yesmynameisigglepiggle Fri 22-Jun-07 13:36:43

agree with Anna, fewer scheduled activities can mean better life skills. Ie children help around the home, learn to cook and tidy up after themselves, manage boredom etc. More importantly (and here I am advocating benign neglect) leaving them to play alone helps their brains develop properly, children learn to make sense of things themselves. All my children learn things for themselves, it makes them remember...if only I had the time to overparent them, ho hum

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