Jesus, this isn't fun! Will it get better? I think I might go mad!(33 Posts)
DS is 10 months old and has just learnt how to pull himself up on the furniture. Suddenly my whole day is spent chasing after him, stopping him eating gravel, pulling things on his head etc. I can't get anything done, the house is a shit hole, everything is going wrong with everything (car, washing machine fighting with DP etc) and I don't get 2 mins to do anything. If I put him down for even a minute in his travel cot so I can get something done he goes mental and screams the house down. DP works 56 hour weeks sometimes and gets 1 day off in about 11. Therefore am on my own all the time with no help and unless I'm walking with the pushchair all day (which gets a bit boring after a while!) it's just whinge whinge whinge all day. I'm practically living on painkillers because my back hurts so much (prob from all the bending and slouching.)I feel like am going to go mad! Please, someone tell me this is just a passing phase!! Sorry for being so ranty and miserable, I'm just not really enjoying my life much at the mo.
Oh dear, you don't sound very happy
If you are alone for most of the time do you get out to many groups or to see friends very often?
WHen your ds gets older he will be able to amuse himself more and so you will actually be able to get things done, so it does get better.
You sound quite depressed.
It Does get better - I promise.
It's tough when they first start moving around because everything suddenly seems like a hazard. Try and make your house as child proof as possible - then let him go - what's the worst thing that can happen....??? Go see a doc about your back, sit down have a coffee and tell yourself it will get easier. My little boy is 2 and a half and doesn't keep still. He was quite a challenge at that age and always seemed to be looking for danger - but as long as they're not going to come to any real harm - I'd just let them play and get up to mischief..... invite some little friends round so you're got another adult to talk to - or find out about joing a toddler group to meet some mums - I feel for you - don't despair - we've all felt like that at time
dont worry it does get better - i remember times when i thought omg what have i done, i cant look after him, then i wld look at him and remember all the great times! it will pass - remember how you felt in the first few weeks when you were sore, tired and the baby didnt sleep? you got past that so you will get past this! just be glad that he is learning new things!
I put gates up all over the house, so he could stay in a safe place, but has much more room than in a travel cot/playpen. And yes it does get better. Sending big hugs!!!!
Having a 10 month old and a shit hole for a house is par for the course IME. Agree with everyone re child proofing and getting out to groups more/getting friends round. My ds always much happier in a group.
Can you afford a cleaner?
Have you got family to take him out for a bit?
Does he have a nap during the day?
You sound very down...do you need to see GP?
you want something like this
put lots of toys in it to keep him happy
can you speak to your dp re his hours?
look up M&B groups in your area
ask at the library for reading sessions
Thanks for all the replies. I am really fed up, dunno if am depressed but have had an awful lot to deal with in the last year (DP made redundant, 2 bereavements, bankruptcy and basically just nothing going right!) I do get out to at least 2 groups a week but even that was awful yesterday; I spent the whole time chasing after him, stopping him pulling plants onto himself, making sure other bigger children didn't mow him down on tricyles etc and I was absolutely wasted by the time I got home!
I think it would be easier if as you've all suggested I get the place seriously babyproofed; just involves buying a fireguard, figuring out how to fix it to the wall, and moving all the dvds, books etc well out of reach. Think that will have to be a priority.
I'm sure it would be easier if DP wasn't working so much. They didn't tell him what was involved when he took the job or he wouldn't have taken it but he'd been out of work for months and months and we were pretty desperate. I think he's going to either try to negotiate with them or look for something else. It's usually weeks where he's worked the weekend as well that I get really down, as it's literally like ground hog day for me with no let up.
My family are great but they're really busy, both my parents work full time and have an awful lot on. Plus they're away a lot. DP's parents are absolutely useless so no help there!
Ah well. Helps to know it's not jsut me being rubbish. My mother worked full time, had 3 kids and still always had a spotless house. God knows how, but I feel I'm expected to live up to that and I'm failing miserably. DP has suggested getting a cleaner but I'd get so much stick from my family, they all think I'm pathetic as it is.
Thanks again, it's reassuring to know that it gets better!
cheers oliveoil - would you believe that's the exact play pen thingy we have! He'll go in there for a bit but yesterday he got his knee well and truly jammed in the bars twice and I had real trouble getting him out! Nearly had a heart attack....
Have you tried going on netmums meetamum or similar or had a look at the section on your local page?
Groups can be hard work if you are always chasing the lo. It might be better to meet one to one.
Do things step by step to make them more managable.
Sounds like you have had a really stressful time.
Oh darling. I promise you this is so noraml. Most parents have a phase where they can't see the wood for the treed. Mine was when my ds was 14-16 months. I could have happily driven away and never looked back.
Do WHATEVER it takes to make it easier on yourself. If that's a cleaner, then do it. If that's sitting in front of tv and sleeping when you can then do it
I was fed up beacuse all I seemed to say to him was "no or "I said no". My Mum then reminded me that it's the good parents say no all of the time.
Also, don't discount the pnd suggestions but I find that a lot of people on Mn think pnd is to blame for more stuff than it should be iykwim? Sometimes, life is shitty and we just have to get on with it
Love to you and do come on here and have a rant whenever you need to. x
Thank you stress teddy, what a lovely response. It's made me cry! Does that mean I've got PND too?!!
crying can be good!!
Don't worry about all of the practical stuff - just focus on making YOU ok. Without a happy mum your ds will be missing out so do whatever you can to sort things out for yourself
My dh was and is away a lot too. We have no family near us and it can be sooooo overwhelmng to do this on your own can't it?
Love and HUUUUGGs to you x
Just wanted to sympathise really. I have a 11 month old climber and a nearly 3 year old too. All I know is i am having a tougher time looking after the little one than I am with the bigger one. So it will be better in a few months.
Hang on in there.
Yup, life and motherhood is shit sometimes but, as someone who is on month four of anti-depressants and has a bit more perspective now, I would say that there's a huge difference between thinking briskly 'this is shit and I'm not enjoying it at the moment but let's get on with it', and feeling very very down and like everything in your life is rubbish and you just can't cope. You can't halt your DS's development or change DP's job, but you can get some help so things seem less of an unending struggle.
Call your health visitor, chat to your GP and see what support/suggestions they have for you. PND is much, much more common and wide-ranging in nature than the stats suggest and there's no need to feel like this, really.
I'm not pushing medication (I am total eco/alternative mum in lots of ways!) but the happy pills do the job. I honestly don't know how I would have got through the past few months without that boost. I would go as far to say that they have saved my marriage (was v anrgy, resentful and blaming DH for everything) and made me a better mummy to my 11 month old DD cos I am more relaxed, calmer and happier. Good luck getting your sparkle back, honey.
It's a tough phase. I left one cupboard in the kitchen without a child lock and had it full of stuff that dd could safely pull out and chuck around. Also got a hip carrier which helped my bad back. Once they start doing drawing etc they get a lot more fun.
As a mother of an 11 mth old and a two year old, I can sympathise. Both of mine are climbers, neither is content to sit and play with toys. So, the house is saftey proofed within reason, and they roam free. DD plays in the garden, the baby crawls, cruises wherever he wants (even in the kitchen, but only when I'm in there). If he opens a cupboard - so what! - it keeps him quiet and I can always tidy it later. Saying 'no' all day long is pretty tiresome, so I only say it if they are putting themselves or anyone in danger. Some days are crap, but mostly we muddle along just fine. The house gets a quick tidy up before DP gets in
I just want to add my sympathies, I found the early mobile stage the hardest (even harder than newborn) and am already dreading it with dd2! As has already been suggested, we child proofed the whole of the downstairs, anything we didn't want dd1 getting hold of went up on high shelves, loads of stair gates, cupboard locks etc.
It gets easier as they are able to move around better and you don't have to hovver 6" behind them all the time incase they brain themselves on a shelf or something. (i always wondered why they don't make small crash helmets for babies of this age)
Good luck, I hope you find a way of making it work for you.
Thank you everyone so much for taking the time to reply to my miserable rant. It means a lot to know that I'm not just being crap and that other people go through the same thing. On the upside I found a fantastic play group this afternoon that had a "sensory room" afterwards, bloody brilliant! Lights in the floor and massive waterfilled pillars with coloured bubbles in and stuff, really really impressed. I think so long as I keep getting out (and people keep saying how lovely he is, which he is, and I love him to bits) then it should be alright.
I might have a chat with my GP as well, just to see what she thinks. On the whole I think I get by ok but then days like today when DP is doing overtime again and all my family are away I find it so hard. I battered crap out of a plate of lasagne earlier and I'm fairly sure that's not quite normal!
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply. Muchly appreciated.
Hmmn, violence towards foodstuffs. Bound to make you feel better
It does get easier. I had an 8 month climber and he drove me mad. DS2 was much easier! Hang on in there and see what your GP says.
Are you going back to work at all? I know that's what keeps me going some days! With my first I had a leisure centre with a creche nearby which was a lifesaver and did an A level one afternoon per week. Again, if they have a creche that's another break for you.
It does get better...
your playgroup sounds ace! keep building those relationships and revel in the things people say about your son
Love to you
Bohemianbint, I was just about to post a thread just like yours!!! My nerves are in tatters as DD2 is now 7mo and beginning to crawl. She keeps falling and banging her head. I invested in a Thudguard helmet which I put on her if sitting her on the floor while doing something that requires two hands. But, typically, she never falls back while she has it on! I end up carryng her a lot and my upper back feels like it's crushing.
My husband works long hours too. I have 2 other children, DS aged 6 and DD1 aged 4, and they're so easy now and very good with DD2- don't know why I started all over again. Then that's why they're made up to be so cute (well, you wouldn't put up with the hardship otherwise, would you?)
What I suppose annoys me is that DH's family make a huge thing out of kids banging their heads, they say each bang they get brings them closer to brain damage! My DS was 7mo when MIL was following him around our kitchen and preaching to me that I need to watch him very carefully every second of the day, there's no excuse for him getting a bang. While ranting on about this, my DS took a tumble right in front of her, much to her amazement! I was so delighted (once DS got over his shock) because MIL shut up pretty quickly!
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