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Does anyone else have a quiet/shy child?

(4 Posts)
Lisa229 Wed 20-Jun-07 13:03:28

I hope you don't mind me posting, I am a newbie and have lurked for a while but really needed some advice and reassurance as I don't know anyone else in the same situation. Wasn't sure if this was the best area to post about this so have posted on behaviour/development as well.

Does anyone else have a quiet/shy child? Lily is coming up to 3 in July. She has always been quite reserved but with me, DH, immediate family and friends she has grown into a confident, typical toddler, talking non-stop and bossing us around, although sometimes with people she knows well she can take a while to warm to people.

However at nursery they keep saying she is very quiet. Plays and participates in activities but doesn't talk much unless the teachers specifically ask her something, in which case she will ask in a whisper. If they are outside, she will stick near her favourite teacher rather than get stuck in on the bikes or scooters. If they are singing nursery rhymes, she may do the actions occasionally but won't join in with the singing even though I know she loves singing them at home. She has been at nursery 2 afternoons a week since Jan and I thought that it would help her confidence but she just seems to be the same, even though she loves going and talking about all her friends when we get home.

I just don't want her to be classed as the quiet one and feel she is missing out on joining in and wonder if there is something I can be doing to help her or whether it is just something that will take time. She is due to go up to 5 mornings a week from Sept, although I will probably start her off with 3. All the other kids seem boisterous and confident at nursery, I just don't want her to be the one with no friends.

Hope someone can advise. Thanks

purpleturtle Wed 20-Jun-07 13:09:42

Dd is like yours.

From you post I would like to comment that 2 sessions a week at nursery is not very much, and it's not surprising that she hasn't grown very confident there yet. I am sure that as she starts to go more they will see more of her outgoing side.

Also, if your dd is happy about nursery, then relax.

I often take dd to parties (she's 6 now, btw) where she participates in no games other than pass-the-parcel, won't speak to an adult she doesn't know, etc etc. To me, it looks like she must be having a terrible time, but ask her afterwards if she enjoyed herself and she invariably says, "It was great!". The hang-ups are mine. Not hers.

Dd likes to observe before she gets involved. When she does get involved she likes to be in charge! A group of people she doesn't know or isn't expecting seems to overwhelm her, but she usually warms up after a while.

She doesn't have (m)any particular friends at school, and, crucially, she doesn't mind about this.

Have you heard me yet? If your dd is happy, that's all that matters. HTH

ekra Wed 20-Jun-07 13:47:15

My DD1 is like yours and I think I worry about her more than I need to. My daughter is very happy the way she is. I would describe her as quietly confident but she suffers from a sort of performance anxiety so she prefers small group and one-to-one situations, which hardly makes her unique.

My DD1 is just about to complete her second year of Pre-school and she has been more boisterous and forthcoming this past year. It has done her good to be one of the older ones, looking after the younger newcomers. She has lots of friends and now sings along with the other children and joins in with music and movement.

I don't know if DD will ever be the class show-off or described as loud or chatty by people who don't know her well. But, she is popular, she has oodles of empathy, she's caring and thoughtful towards others and I think she is lovely the way she is.

Lisa229 Wed 20-Jun-07 14:03:06

Thanks for your reassurances, most of the time I have been fine with it and know it is just the way she is and that she is happy. And yes, it is probably my insecurities rather than hers.

It was just getting to me that the nursery teacher kept mentioning it and then one of the other mums said something when she saw Lily with my childminder at the park, like she is some kind of freak. She goes to toddler groups and playdates and is with my childminder 2 days a week so she does have interaction with other children.

I will chill out, probably got something to do with being 34 weeks pregnant that I've become oversensitive about the issue again.


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