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Starting to resent my son

(30 Posts)
Snakepit Mon 18-Jun-07 23:32:16

I have posted before about my youngest son but it's got to the point now where I find myself wondering what life would be like if he went to live with his dad .

He's only 6 but he's such hard work, one minute he'll be a bright and sunny little boy, opening his curtains, making his bed and telling me that he loves me and then "snap" he turns and completely changes, kicks things, throws things, shouts, slams doors, breaks stuff...often with no real trigger.

Take this morning for instance, he got up and asked for porridge with sugar on, I wouldn't normally allow the sugar but thought I'd 'treat' him, he sits down with a big smile ready to eat and then all of a sudden he slamed his spoon down, pushed the dish away from him, kicked the kitchen door open and threw himself on the couch and tried to break the tv remote...he couldn't tell me what had annoyed him, I really don't think he knew himself and then as quickly as it had started it finished and went back in the kitchen to eat his breakfast????

He's terrible at school, the teacher tells me he is forever shouting out in class, won't sit still, touches things that he isnt allowed to touch, when all the kids were sat watching a dvd he had to be taken out the classroom as he was creating so much fuss and he just finds it all hillarious, it's rare to see him without a smile or a grin on his face.

Last week I recieved a letter home about him from school saying his behaviour at dinner times is so unacceptable that he may have to start coming come for dinner (fighting). This would see me kissing goodbye to all hopes of finding work, goodbye to a career that I've only just started to train for, goodbye to our chances of moving to a decent area, goodbye to our chances of having a car and when I explain this what does he do? he laughs.

He makes life so difficult, he embarrasses me wherever we go, we went to a party on saturday where he shouted out during the 'food' part, burped loudly whilst someone was camcordering the party kid blowing the candles, snapped his knife and fork before stabbing his food container and making a mess, popped a balloon, knocked numerous drinks over (some on purpose) and I just couldnt wait to leave, he was the centre of everyones attention.

When I take him to visit family he embarrasses me, he's cheeky, won't do as he's told, back answers...I end up wanting to get away asap.

Tonight I took my eldest to karate and he couldnt sit and behave there either.

He's rude, constantly goes on about sex (which he picked up from his dads girlfriends son), makes innapropriate comments about people, I'm suprised I've not had the SS knocking on the door wanting to know where he gets his ideas from.

Nothing I do makes a difference, he doesnt care what punishments I give out, he doesn't care who tells him off...I have been told that EVERY assembly he is told off by the head for messing around, he's often the only one out of the entire school that carries on when the head tells him off and he's one of the youngest.

Thoughts of resentment are starting to enter my head, I feel he is ruining my chances of sucess, I feel he is giving me a bad name as a parent, my eldest son is embarrassed by him, He's 6 years old though, he's just a baby really and I feel so guilty but angry at the same time.

controlfreaky2 Mon 18-Jun-07 23:36:30

you need to get some help for him and for you. you could ask gp for referrasl to camhs (for assessment by psychologist? what about finding out about parenting support groups in your area?

purpleduck Mon 18-Jun-07 23:37:12

Have you seen anyone about this?

LynetteScavo Mon 18-Jun-07 23:38:03

I'm no expert, but do have a 'difficult'(there- I've said it) DS, so you have my hugest sympathy. It sounds to me like a large part of you DSs behaviour is atention seeking.

Songbird Mon 18-Jun-07 23:38:23

Poor you, and poor little boy. This is beyond my ken I'm afraid, so I won't even try - I don't even know the right language IYSWIM. Have the school not suggested any kind of help (I don't even know what the next step could be).

Someone on here will have been through this - that's what's great about MN. I wanted to bump this.

mummylin2495 Mon 18-Jun-07 23:38:25

oh dear it sounds like you have your hands full.Do you have a health center you could take him to.Maybe he has a few problems which he cant express and this is his way of saying something is wrong.i cant really comment anymore but hope you get it sorted for both your sakes.

Sossy Mon 18-Jun-07 23:39:33

Is it ADHD? Ask someone for help before strong feelings of resentment set in. Best of luck.

Songbird Mon 18-Jun-07 23:39:59

How long has it been going on? How long have you and his dad been separated? Does he have the same problems?

Songbird Mon 18-Jun-07 23:40:51

I mean the same probs with your ds, rather than as. Read back wrong

LynetteScavo Mon 18-Jun-07 23:41:36

Definately go to GP and ask for a referal to CAMHs. Be warned, though they probably have a long waiting list. I constantly have to remind myself that I am DS's mum, and the only person (apart from DH) who will never, ever give up on him.

emsiewill Mon 18-Jun-07 23:42:19

Have the school not offered any help? Easy for them to keep telling him off, sending him out etc, but at 6 he's only young, and surely they should be working with you to help him, not just washing their hands of him.

I may of course be incredibly naive...

Snakepit Mon 18-Jun-07 23:42:37

I don't know where to get help, the school are not interested...his mood swings are so confusing and wild that I really think he may have some kind of mental health problem, he's extremely violent when he's angry and I fear that when he's older he's going to be dangerous.

I am on my own with him, I feel i should take him to the GP but I wouldn't know what to say.

Sometimes he behaves in a very, very grown up way, he seems perverted sometimes which I know is a horrible thing to say about him but he tries to touch parts of people that he shouldn't, sometimes he does it in an obvious manner, othertimes he does it slyly. He was wrestling with his friend and then got on top of him and shouted out that they were having sex, I know nobody has hurt him as he's never with anyone else, only his dad and I know the sexual talk has come from his 10 year old son.

He just seems to get worse and worse as he gets older.

controlfreaky2 Mon 18-Jun-07 23:44:59

you tell the gp what you've written about on here and tell him / her you need some help.

LynetteScavo Mon 18-Jun-07 23:45:44

Dont worry about not knowing what to say to the GP. As long as you say "referal to clinical psychologist please" they'll get the message and make a referal. Don't put it off any longer, wangle yourself an emergency apt tommorow. You'll feel good that you've taken a positive step.

mumblechum Tue 19-Jun-07 12:36:28

How's it going?

have you seen the GP?

It really does sound like you need some support, and it's there if you ask for it.

Good luck.

smallwhitecat Tue 19-Jun-07 12:49:23

Message withdrawn

BrothelSprouts Tue 19-Jun-07 12:54:31

It may be worth having a good, close look at his diet.
DS2 had lots of undiagnosed food allergies and intolerances, that led to some quite severe behavioural problems.
Ask for a referral to a dietician (although ours wasn't much help )
We removed gluten, wheat, dairy, casein, sweeteners, colourings and preservatives, and the results were amazing.

DeJager Tue 19-Jun-07 12:58:45

Gee, no advice, but I am sorry you having such a bad time...it sounds like you need a holiday or a break from him...would that be possible? Just for a few days, go away and rest and recover.
x x x hugs
marie

flamingtoaster Tue 19-Jun-07 13:02:17

I agree with Brothelsprouts - a friend's son was on the point of being expelled due to violent and disruptive behaviour. She was at her wits end and I suggested a food diary - she realized he had particularly bad days at school (i..e the days when she was asked to come and take him home) when he had Weetabix for breakfast (this amazed her as she thought that would be the safest cereal). She removed all wheat/gluten from his diet and he calmed down completely. It may not be all of your son's problem but it may help. Good luck in finding a cause.

Judy1234 Tue 19-Jun-07 13:07:11

Poor you. Change his diet, if you can. Cut out sugar if you can in particular and white flour/wheat.

Also get your GP to refer him to a psychologist. He may have ADD, need therapy or possibly ritalin.

Make sure for every negative comment or look you give him he has five positive ones.

Spend more time with him. Cuddle him at lot.

Troutpout Tue 19-Jun-07 13:32:38

You poor thing...such hard work
I would definitely ask for a referal from your gp...He really does sound like he needs some help controlling his behaviour and you do too don't you?
It must be confusing for him too being all over the place like that ...bless him

3littlefrogs Tue 19-Jun-07 13:46:38

You mention a 10 yr old ?step brother - have I got that right? I really hate to suggest this, but is there any possibility at all that this 10 yrold could have behaved in an inappropriately sexual way with your ds?

Does the 10yrold have any behavioural problems?

What is the set up re visits, time spent together etc?

I really don't want to upset you unnecessarily, but TBH it was the first thing that came to me reading your posts.

Definitely seek psychological assessment for your ds as a matter of urgency - you need a sympathetic but objective assessment. If the school are not prepared to help, then go to your GP. It may help to write your thoughts and observations down beforehand and take it with you. It would be better to go on your own in the first instance so you can have the conversation, then go back with your ds so that you don't have to talk in front of him IYSWIM.

I really hope you can get some help soon.

notdoneyet Tue 19-Jun-07 14:06:11

hi, i got to the point of 'disliking' my dd2 (i love her to bit, just didnt like her) i would go through the motions, wash her, feed her, dress her, take her to school, but i really disliked her,

her tantrums started around 2 yr old. i took it to be the terrible two's but they never wore off, gradually getting worse, by the age of 4 1/2 yrs. i went to see my gp, as my hv was useless, i burst into tears it just felt like a personal attack from her, she looked like an angel, the gp referred us to a child psychologist, we were told to keep a food diary for a fortnight. they did say it wasn't adhd/add, but food linked. even now (3 yrs on) we have to watch everything she eats. I can tell instantly if she has been given sweets/pop, her eyes glaze over and she is bouncing off the walls for days.

try to get a referral from your gp, dont leave nothing out explain how you feel towards your ds as well. keep a food diary, also a behavior diary, are there certain times of the day when he's worse?

When did his behavior get worse? how long have you and his dad been apart? has something in school happened and upset him?

sweetjane Tue 19-Jun-07 14:21:22

I'm afraid I agree with 3littlefrogs, it was the first thing that came to my mind as well. I really think you need to explore this possibility, could it be that he is bottling something up? Sorry don't want to worry you unnecessarily but I think you really need to get to the bottom of this. What is your relationship with his Dad like? Have you observed him and his step brother together?

Snakepit Tue 19-Jun-07 14:25:34

Thanks for the replies everyone.

He was great this morning, got up, made his own breakfast....threw a bit of a tantrum because me and his bro were singing a song that he didn't like but he wasn't violent or anything...got to school he was fine...

At 10am I went to watch my other sons school play and I saw my youngest son's class being led in to watch, he was inbetween his friends and wasn't doing anything wrong but the teacher came across anyway and seperated him from his friends and made him sit at the end of the line "just in case". I can sort of see her point as he is a pain when he's with his friends but on the other hand he was being punished before he'd even done anything wrong which I don't think helps at all.

I am taking him to the doctor tomorow, I've tried the food thing, tried to keep off sugary stuff but I never thought about wheat etc, I thought that was healthy for them...

The 10 year old SS apparantly pretended to "have sex" with my son one day during play and told my DS1 that that was how sex was done, it was apparantly all a big laugh, the SS was laughing and no clothes were removed and nobody was touched innapropriatly and it only happened the once. My DS has always had this fastination with "Private parts" etc though and I think this introduction to what "sex" was has just hightened his curiosity which is horrible at the age of 6, he seems to know more than my 8 year old does.

Me and their dad have been apart for 3 years but DS2 has always been a handful, he was a very miserable, whingy baby/toddler and just completely turned cheeky and mischievous around the age of 2/3

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