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Why do you have more than 1 child?

(174 Posts)
stressteddy Mon 18-Jun-07 14:43:48

I just wondered
I have one and am contemplating another but as an only child I can't see anything wrong with my ds being an only one
When I mention it to people though a lot of them seem so sad that I might not have more
Is it soooooo much harder/easier with 2?
V. interested so please let me know

bobsmum Mon 18-Jun-07 14:47:51

I have two and it's great. They're 4 and 2 and get on really well with each other. Always laughing and giggling with very very little stress between them.

Dd loves her big brother and follows him around copying his every move. Ds is very protective of dd and it's so cute to see him suddenly seem all grown up defending her in a soft play or something similar

First couple of months take a bit of adapting, but then it's great. I'm now hoping there might be room for one more

Marina Mon 18-Jun-07 14:49:21

It's whatever works for your family stressteddy - so long as you and dp are happy and your child is too...
I wanted another because I felt it would do ds good to have a sibling and do us good as parents to have more than one child to focus on (dh and I are both rather anxious/fussy types and struggle with this)
Ds and dd love each other dearly but there are times when ds growls he wishes we'd stuck at one (she is four years younger than him and something of a menace).
When she was tiny it was hard work - especially as I work f/t outside the home. Now she is nearly four we find life a lot easier if still very tiring.

Curmudgeonlett Mon 18-Jun-07 14:53:20

the dynamics of siblings is just part of what a family is TO ME

I couldn't envisage only having one child

But then I'm from 4 siblings and DH is from 9

I find it easier with 2 and more enjoyable and however much you love your child, you love the other one too and you love the dynamic of their relationship

Nemo2007 Mon 18-Jun-07 14:53:55

I have 3 ,ds 3 dd1 18mths dd2 5mths.I dont think there is anyrhing wrong with having one if that makes you happy. I always knew I wanted a lot of children [4 or 5] and I am one of 3. Dh is an only child and loved it but felt he missed out a little on siblings.
Our dc love having siblings and DS often asks if we can have 5 children and 6 dogs.
Work wise it can be harder but then it can also be easier as they entertain each other. DS is a superb big brother to his sisters and they all adore each other.

KerryMum Mon 18-Jun-07 14:57:51

And on the other side of the coin....

I had another child because I wanted ds1 to have a companion. To not grow up alone as we live well away from all family.

There are four years between my two boys. All they do is fight all day and I sincerely think they hate each other. All day it's screaming, fighting and killing each other. I love both of them but some days I sincerely wish I never had another. Not that I would want to give him back, I wouldn't. I just think of how placid and lovely my life was with ds1 before ds2 came along.

Honestly some days I am at my wits end and despair of any peace.

dinosaur Mon 18-Jun-07 14:57:54

Hi stressteddy,

Of course there's nothing wrong with your ds being an only one if that suits you and your DH. Absolutely not.

I was one of three myself and DH was one of four and I suppose we never really pictured stopping at one child. Now we have three boys; the older two, who are two years apart, play together all the time and are really each other's best friends, and they are both very sweet with their little brother, who has special needs .

I like the dynamic of having an odd number of people in the family and having the children out-number the parents! Because we've also got two DSs on the autistic spectrum and I reckon DH is on there too, I also joke about how the auties out-number the neurotypicals....

tortoiseSHELL Mon 18-Jun-07 14:59:47

I have 3, and I love it - the house is always noisy and busy, and the kids play together and cook up great schemes, and games. Ds1 and dd's favourite game is 'chickens' at the moment, where they pop into our (nearly finished) chicken coop and pop up in the nest box clucking. I'm just not going to play that sort of game myself (and I think my bum would get stuck in the nest box entrance if I'm honest )

Curmudgeonlett Mon 18-Jun-07 15:00:25

Oh God sometimes I look at friends who have 1 child of 6 (DS' age) and I am so envious of their freedom

But other times I watch how their children interact with my youngest (aged 3) and think either 'oh they're so good with her and don't they enjoy the relationship' or 'they just don't get not being the centre of attention do they' and I think that depends on how the parent brings them up

any size family is the right size family as long as its right for you

jinxed Mon 18-Jun-07 15:03:00

In response to thread title - because im careless when it comes to sex!

Joking aside, Ive never wanted just one or two children (currently pg with 3rd) and having them close together I hope that they will adore each other. (there will be 3.4yrs between all 3)

It has to be what is right for you and your partner. We both decided that 2 wouldnt cut the mustard!

Troutpout Mon 18-Jun-07 15:03:27

I can remember a single moment...ds was about 3 and a half and we were having dinner and i realised that dh and i were both just staring at him..and i remember thinking that it wasn't healthy somehow ...to live in that spotlight all the time (well maybe my rather intense pfb spotlight anyway )
Also rather selfishly...i wanted him to have a shared experience of childhood...so that he's got someone to put it into perspective with when he's older (just incase i feck it up bigtime!)
I wanted him to be able to fight with someone too....to roll-on the floor with... to argue with ..to share in their achievements...to giggle with.
and lastly
I just wanted another one

Lact8 Mon 18-Jun-07 15:04:57

As a mother of 3 I ask myself this most days

Lazycow Mon 18-Jun-07 15:07:38

My SIL came from a family of 12 and swore she would only have one child which she did and was perfectly happy with - her dd is now in her late 20's.

We only have one but I would like another for DS.

dh and I are the youngest surviving siblings in our retrospective familes and have had ds late in life so his aunts/uncles are quite old and his cousins are all at least 12 years older than he is.

Dh and I also both have have elderly (80's ) parents. This all leaves me in a sweat that in adulthood ds will have NO family left from his childhood.

I would like another so that when he is older he has some family. I have no illusions that he will necessarily like his sibling and I know his sibling may not help with this but some irrational part of me doesn't want ds to end up alone in adulthood

BandofMothers Mon 18-Jun-07 15:09:42

I have 2 dd's, 3 1/2 and 10 mths, and they are both playing by my feet now. They just love each other.
I am no 2 of 4, and my older bro and me were always playing. It was company when raining, luckily we got along.
I hope my girls always get along.
I must admit I was dubious I could love another baby as much as I did dd1, but I bonded thru the pg and as soon as she was born I adored her. It is so lovely but it does make it harder work. Trying to fit DD2's naps around dd1's schedule is tricky cos she's one that likes to sleep in her bed and can't always have it.

Aah dd2 just crawled over for a cuddle.

pucca Mon 18-Jun-07 15:10:37

To be perfectly honest, i found having 2 much harder.

I have dd 3yo, and ds 10 mths, i obviously love ds to pieces but for the first 6 mths i found it more than a slog! i most prob had PND though, i found it difficult and both of mine are really good sleepers, very settled and not "cry-ers".

I had another as at he time i was very broody and i dunno just thought another would complete the family, it wasnt about having a boy, just a comapnion for my dd i guess!I know my FIL was an only child and i guess had a lonely childhood.

speedymama Mon 18-Jun-07 15:14:59

I had twins.

DontCallMeBaby Mon 18-Jun-07 15:20:40

I think Troutpout's reason is the best - because she wanted to. At the other end of the scale, I don't want to - I sometimes think I should, but I have no desire to have another baby at all. So from my point of view it's wonderful, stressteddy, to read your comment that there's nothing wrong with being an only, from the POV of an only. I know a good few adult only children who are happy and well adjusted - unfortunately the one I know who ISN'T is my mum, so I'm always on the lookout for other happy examples!

Quattrocento Mon 18-Jun-07 15:32:25

I was just like you! Am an only child and couldn't really see the problem. Only children are not selfish by definition! Was also worried about miscarriages/ectopics. But DH nagged and nagged for another one, so I gave in!

DS is such a cutie! He doesn't really like being called "daddy's best idea" - which he is of course! <cue for vomiticon>

I find two quite hard work and mine usually get on! Perhaps I am just feeble.

motherinferior Mon 18-Jun-07 15:33:55

Don't have another if you don't want to. Life gets really quite a lot harder. And you have much less money.

happystory Mon 18-Jun-07 15:48:14

I once, in an idle moment, worked out how many more relationships there are in a family of 4 than in a family of 3.

With 1 child, you have

yours and dh's relationship
yours and child
dh's and child.

With 2 children, you have

yours and dh's relationship
yours with dc1
yours with dc2
dh's with dc1
dh's with dc2
dc1 with dc2

For me, purely personal opinion, that made for a fuller life.

FioFio Mon 18-Jun-07 15:49:23

Message withdrawn

majorstress Mon 18-Jun-07 15:50:12

I had two to keep the first child happier, especially in the future as family is very small and no other children. That seems to have worked.

For myself, I found 2 much harder too but it suits everyone else in the family esp. dd1 with her very sociable personality, having a little sister, so I guess overall the family is better off. I am one of those rare mums who regrets having any! I wonder if ME being the only child has made it harder to deal with a bigger family and sibling stuff. It certainly hasn't helped having no family support nearby.

majorstress Mon 18-Jun-07 15:51:52

also I think my hormones must have been overactive after the first one, to make me want another.

JackieNo Mon 18-Jun-07 15:54:21

2 just felt like the right number for us. I think, as Curmudgeonlett said, 'any size family is the right size family as long as it's right for you'.

MarsLady Mon 18-Jun-07 15:54:57

Sex!

Bored!

Nothing on telly!

Always wanted a brood and one didn't equal brood

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