How patient are you?

[longestlurkerever]

I'd really like to develop more patience when dealing with the kids (7 and 3). I often feel like I'm really ratty with them for being too noisy/slow/demanding, or I find I am unable to play shops or whatever game with them for more than a few minutes without looking for a distraction of some kind. Is it possible to become more patient and if so, how?

[ragged]

maybe you could set a timer, 15 minutes and then you know you've done a fair lot, and try to do that at least twice a day. (I assume people mean few=2 or 3, btw, maybe your few = 15).

[longestlurkerever]

Yes I think I manage 15! Sometimes it feels like we've spent a good long while playing though and then I look at the clock and like 15 minutes have gone by. Other times I do spend a long time ostensibly playing but I have my phone with me and I check it while I am waiting for my food in the pretend restaurant or whatever. What do you do after the 15 minutes is up though?

[UniversallyUnchallenged]

Not at all, my greatest failing and regret, I try, fail - then feel really disappointed. Repeat....
Watching for interest, though I’ve watched, copied. I just can’t do it, and it doesn’t help he’s an olympian of a faffer, from a pure blood line of throughbred faffers

[longestlurkerever]

I think I'm quite a good parent on a macro kind of level - I honestly do put them first when it comes to life choices etc, but I am starting to think maybe that's not so obvious to them and they might just remember me as being ratty and distracted all the time. I like a day out with them and swimming, or meeting up with friends with children but at home I do find the days long :-(

[GrouchyKiwi]

Not at all these days. I used to be and wish I could get it back. My neighbour is so unfailingly patient with her two small children. I've never heard her raise her voice, even when they are super stroppy. She is patience personified.

[CloudCaptain]

Depends how much sleep they let me have and how busy I am. I sometimes have to stop and remind myself how small they are and that the washing can wait.

[longestlurkerever]

I do think sleep might be a factor. I feel so tired today, though for no particular reason - it's not like when they were babies. I could just do with a lie in.

[TheConstantMoaner]

My greatest failing.

Watching with interest. 👀

[HayCaramba]

I worry about this too. Especially as DH has infinite patience (though he does spend less time with DCs than me).
Things I try are:
Special time - Set a timer for however long, put phone in other room, DC get to chose what you’ll all do.
Having a mega early night so am well rested.
Planning a night out, shopping trip, eat chocolate ... whatever as my “reward” on days I’m really not in the mood for it.
Always worse when we’re in the house all day.

[emsiboob]

I could of written this post 😞

[longestlurkerever]

Not doing too brilliantly this morning either tbh. I have built many marble runs but the whining demands have grated on me and I have snapped quite a few times already. My eldest is 7 - surely she should have risen above her sister having the colour plate she wanted? Then the youngest is in floods of tears demanding her teddy because I told her she couldn't have an ice cream for breakfast....

[bubble96]

I really recommend this course. it will really help you understand whats going on for your children, how their brain is developing, how to handle tantrums and meltdowns in a patient and loving way. the best thing though was the section on brain development. I think you naturally become more patient when you understand what is going on for them, what they are and aren't capable of, because you can empathise with them more

attachmentparenting.co.uk/introduction-to-aptitude-package/

[longestlurkerever]

Thanks Bubble. Have you done the course?

[bubble96]

also, just on the play front, I personally find imaginative play very hard, I commit to it, but for about ten minutes. I just set this out in the beginningso she knows what to expect, but I follow it up with something else we can do together that I would prefer so I still connect with her. so maybe drawing together or the best one, that ahe also likes and works well if more than one child is board games. it can be hard with 3 year old too, but you and 3 yr old could partner up so that you can play trickier games. we started our dd with lots of orchard toys games when she was small and we now at 6 play things like labrynth which is a strategy game, and monopoly, so its had a great benefit as being a way to pass a miserable rainy afternoon where we can connect but im not trying to force myself to do it, and the games now are challenging enough for me so lots of fun. even some of the orchard toys games though simple are really good fun. pigs inpants is a great one, your 3 year old will pick it up easy enough too as its matching but with a twist of being able to steal pants, or shout ive got no knickers (I think lol) anyway, if you don't like role play, board games may be worth the time investment!

[longestlurkerever]

Thanks - we do have a million Orchard games but not those ones. I like Board Games (Cluedo, Splendour are favourites) with just the eldest if she's not overtired by the time dd2 goes to bed, and I do play them with dd2 but she hasn't quite got the hang of competition yet - she keeps repeating her turn till she gets what she wants. She loves a jigsaw though. All of these things are fine for a few minutes, but her grandma can play them all day with her and I just want to claw my eyes out after a while, though to be honest we have workarounds for these as we just go out somewhere when we are getting on top of each other - it's the general patience with their whining and squabbling and demands (fifteen different breakfasts) that I'd like to cope better with - I tend to descend to their level pretty quickly, so I will think about the course.

[BackforGood]

I was going to say I think I am a pretty patient person, but I don't think I've ever sat and played shops with any of mine when they were 7, for 15mins.......
That's not a measure of patience, so much as a measure of how much time you have available, and how much you like imaginative role play - neither of which was / is me. Give me a child that doesn't "get" their maths however, and I can have the patience of Job. Give me a teen that needs to talk about something personal, but is struggling, and I can wait all night.
We all hav different things about this parenting malarky we are "good at" and things we find a real strain. Disliking playing shops is not a parenting fail by any means, and is not a measure of patience either.

[longestlurkerever]

Thanks BackforGood. That is a nice reminder, though I'm not sure I'm a patient teacher either. I guess what I am good at is researching and planning fun outings for my DC and genuinely enjoying them, building dens and messy play and reading or making up stories. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. I just need to work on my snappy temper. I am wondering about getting the mirena coil removed tbh as I don't think it helps, though i may just swap it for common or garden PMT.