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Does it get any easier?

(6 Posts)
MumOfOnee Sat 11-Aug-18 16:41:53

DD is 11.5months old, she's a very challenging child and has been very full on since she came out of the newborn sleepy phase at 8weeks. I became unwell around the same time (awaiting diagnosis but symptoms similar to ME). I really struggled with DD sleep, unless I enforce a routine, she just can't regulate her own sleep and becomes an overtired mess. Everything is an exhausting battle and it's getting me really down.
She's good as gold for others, just me and my partner she plays up. I literally feel like going to work is much easier, but then I miss her when I'm gone!
It's got to the point now that we resent doing stuff for her and have started keeping count of who done what tasks eg changing nappy, bath time, bed time.
It's seriously affecting our relationship, I feel like we're falling apart and it's spiralling as the more tense and frustrated we get with each other, the more she plays up.
The house is always a tip and I'm never on it with cooking tea as I feel so ill all the time.
Please can anyone tell me it's gets better?? Because so far it's just getting worse!

Havetothink Sat 11-Aug-18 18:45:42

Could you make a rota for who does bed time/ bath time on certain days so at least you both know you're both doing it equally (take resentment out of it), nappies were always who ever was nearest in our house. Sleep will get better with age but pick a routine and make sure you both stick to it, at least in the evenings.

MumOfOnee Sat 11-Aug-18 21:08:28

Thanks for replying, we tried a rota but due to my illness, it was hard to know how I would feel and whether I'd be up to it :/
She mostly sleeps through now but wakes really early, neither of us wants to get up at the weekend but one of us has to so it causes tension... sets us up for a bad day sad desperately trying to get her to lay in a bit, tried everything but she's just a morning person!

Havetothink Sat 11-Aug-18 21:55:14

Take turns to get up at the weekend, one gets to lie in Saturday, one Sunday? We keep a drink (and if I want her sit quietly longer) a snack by our bed for the morning and let her watch tv for a bit so we can sleep longer but ours is 2 and will likely have a longer attention span than a 1yr old.

bubble96 Sun 12-Aug-18 09:58:10

so sorry youre feeling so low, i really recommend this course. it will help you understand your daughters behaviour, which is perfectly normal, shes not playing up for you, shes just more secure in your relationship which means you see all the tiredness and the grumpiness, the excitement of others is often enough to behave differently. remember, shes still a baby, sleeping through is amazing, many children wake early, and i know it can be really hard if you are not naturally early risers but it is something you will probably need to find ways around. definitely take turns for a lie in at the weekend. also i do completely sympathise with the illness, i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last September and have a gut issue called gastroparesis i was diagnosed with in November, both cause a lot of pain, and fatigue is a big part of fibro too. it has been the toughest year, at one point i had several hospital stays, it is simply bloody hard being ill and caring for children. my daughters 6 now and it was still unbearable. and the worst part is the place you are now where you don't have any diagnosis. things will get easier, they will feel more manageable when you know what youre dealing with and can be proactive about what will help you, but one things for sure, you need to prioritise. your house doesn't matter, priotritise the relationships. ok, house having a basic level of cleanliness, and everyone putting away behind themselves so it isn't trip over and hurt yourself messy, but, trying to let go of some expectations regarding house will help you. acceptoing that right now, you cannot be what you are because you are not well and second to that you have a small child. one of those things is enough to make household chores hard, two means re-envisaging what is most important. enlist help too. anyone, family, friends, now is the time to ask, say it like it is, im struggling, im not well, i need some help. a friend of mine recently posted on fb something similar and she was overwhelmed by the response, people genuinely wanted to help. soe people dropped off food, someone did her ironing for a few weeks, someone else sat with the kids so she could sleep. if you can pay for a cleaner or similar, then do so. the other thing is organisation and planning. this helps me big time. hubby prepares lunches the night before. if its a bad day then lunch is sorted. some weekends we batch cook stuff, this means theres always something for nights hes home late or im really not well. when i was at my worst i arranged a play date with a good friend at ours once a week, so i had company, and so i had someone to help just a little. what im saying is its hard to change a childs behaviour because how shes behaving is developmentally appropriate, but you can change the environment, and change your mindset about it, and those things will relieve stress. sit and think how could i make my home life easier? i also found planning activities, having a big bundle of books by the sofa, things like that meant i had a tool to reconnect with my daughter and diffuse frustrations. she also watched much more tv than id have liked but i accepted i needed that, and i just tried within the day to make sure it was broken up, eg, putting on music so she cpould dance around, throwing cushions on the floor for her to climb over. bought her a wobble board so she had something a bit more physical for inside. at this point i was pretty much bed bound, i came down to the sofa and struggled around just to meet her needs, i did nothing else. i did get better, not cured, but i got through that worst patch and im doing well now. if you want to know anything about what helped me im happy to chat. hope some of this was useful .

attachmentparenting.co.uk/introduction-to-aptitude-package/

MumOfOnee Sun 12-Aug-18 12:03:19

Thanks so much for all that Bubble, and sorry about your diagnosis. I'm getting closer to one but just takes so long to wait between hospital appointments and tests, and I think my partner has buried his head in the sand a bit and isn't accepting I have something wrong with me.
I will definitely have another chat with him to sort some realistic expectations as he gets really stressed out when everything's messy, and I then feel so useless, then we take it out on each other and on DD when she's not behaving.
I really do hope we can muddle through it all as we were really strong as a couple, just been one thing after another and it's pushed us to the limit! I think poor DD is picking up on the tension too now, feeling like we aren't cut out to be parents sad
I will have a look at the link a little bit later once DD has gone to bed.

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