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Partner won't let me on his phone

(14 Posts)
holb93 Sat 11-Aug-18 00:10:53

I have been with my partner for nearly four years. In that short amount of time we moved in, lost our first baby, and went on to have a rainbow baby who is na nearly on

Tonight he caught me on his phone and got really pissed off. He can always go through mine but he wouldn't let me go through his

This has annoyed me because know I feel he his hiding something

What's Should I do

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 11-Aug-18 00:19:50

Don’t show your hand. Bide your time, keep your eyes and ears open for anything that doesn’t add up.

Gut feelings are often there for good reason. But the minute you show your hand he will lock everything down and make it ten times harder to find anything else out. It’s hard, but try to be cool and get everything in place in case you find out the worst and have to kick him out. Get all important paperwork to hand, so that if you split you have everything you need to do it fairly.

In the meantime you need to decide what your dealbreakers are - is it over if, for example he’s been messaging someone, or if he’s met up with someone once? Some people manage to move on from that but wouldn’t forgive an ongoing affair.

Personally for me it would be over if DP had kissed someone else. I would lose trust in him if he’d been messaging someone else but depending on the circumstances it might be something I’d be prepared to work through. What’s your line in the sand?

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 11-Aug-18 00:20:54

Others will have better advice on the gathering of info, searching phone records, bank statements etc. How much access do you have to those?

holb93 Sat 11-Aug-18 00:32:06

I just worry because our relationship went from 0-100, moved in, unexpected pregnancy, baby died, now 1 year old, I never cared until now it scares me I don’t want to becom jealous fiancee

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 11-Aug-18 00:33:58

What’s he like generally? Supportive, loving etc.? How did he help you through the loss of your baby and your subsequent pregnancy etc.? Has he changed in the way he relates to you lately?

nervyuyt Sat 11-Aug-18 00:35:44

What do you mean he caught you on his phone? What were you doing? Why could you not have used your own phone?

user1493413286 Sat 11-Aug-18 07:10:48

Do you mean use each other’s phones or actually go through it? I’d go crazy if DH was looking at my messages as what I say to my family and friends is private but if he was using it because his phone wasn’t nearby then I wouldn’t mind. I think neither of you should be “going through” each other’s phone.

Sirzy Sat 11-Aug-18 07:14:22

Why where you on his phone? Sounds like you were using it purely to snoop which would annoy me to.

Me and my partner use each other’s phones but will always let the other know “my batteries dead so I’m going to... “ type of thing.

Ilovecamping Sat 11-Aug-18 07:17:17

Why would either of you be going through each other’s phones, it’s like reading a personal letter.

Blueunicorn Sat 11-Aug-18 07:22:38

Why wouldn't couple Share phones? Surely there should be nothing to hide. Especially if he goes on yours!

anotherangel2 Sat 11-Aug-18 07:35:37

I would not want my message read. Not because I am having an affair or badmouthing my parents but because I have friends who I message about things which are private to them

nellly Sat 11-Aug-18 08:02:51

Yea I think this depends, if you were just googling something because yours was dead it's suspicious that he was unhappy.
If you were trawling his emails or messages or bank account without him ever giving you cause for suspicion then no wonder he was angry!

CottonSock Sat 11-Aug-18 08:04:44

My husband wouldn't really sit using my phone, unless he mentioned it first and specific reason

Smurfy23 Sat 11-Aug-18 20:23:20

Does he look through your phone?

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