Child cries for one parent .... 😟

[Justanotherdaddy]

New here so take it easy on me. In essence two children (4 and 2) compete for who’s going to get me to do bed.

Wife and I always do bed together but the last couple of days it’s peaked to a point where the eldest was with her and she’d gone downstairs to cry. Baby boy kept walking in on me doing the youngest and even asked whys mummy crying. Part of me was dying inside but I didn’t crack and walked him down to help mum and get a story about mum stubbing her toe etc etc ...

It got a bit messy but both for got down ok. This is on the back of being told to f**k off yesterday (not the children obv) when a similar situation arose ...

I suggested that she had a night out with a friend / or that I had a night out with a friend so that it could work either way with the kids having just one to do bed ... met with a No. I tried suggesting other things, but was met with “don’t want to talk about it”

Ps I’m not stupid. I know that something bigger is up but I just need some help ...

[RLOU88]

I’m a bit lost with this story- maybe I’m tired but what’s the problem ? The children want you to put them to bed and it’s upsetting your wife ?

[Singlenotsingle]

No, sorry, I don't get it either. You'll have to elaborate OP

[FranticallyPeaceful]

From what I gathered, your wife cried because she had to put her child to bed?

[Justanotherdaddy]

Sorry ... I’m probably not using the right words.

In essence yes it’s upsetting my wife and my children saw this which in turn upset them.

And when they’re asleep my wife is on the verge of tears/anger and doesn’t want to talk about it.

[RLOU88]

Sorry, to confirm, your wife is in anger when they are asleep because you done it and not she correct? There must be a backstory.
Hell she can come and put my DS to bed if she wants!

[gamerchick]

But it's normal they chop and change their preferred parent. I loved it me, being able to shower and pee in peace and let him do the bedtime.

At some point it'll be the other parent who's flavour of the month.

[Beamur]

How upsetting all round.
You do need to talk to your wife, gently and without blaming anyone.
My DD utterly rejected DH at bedtime if I was around (upsetting for him) but was fine with him if I wasn't. From your post, your idea of not sharing bedtime is not a bad one.

[Imstickingwiththisone]

Is she getting upset because she thinks she's being rejected as they very keenly want you to do bedtime? We've had that problem, DP took it on the chin but think I would've felt a bit sad to always be seen as the booby prize.

I think her level of anger is an overreaction though. Unless I e misunderstood everything

[FranticallyPeaceful]

So she cried because she had to put the child to bed (which is how I read it, as she was putting him to bed and then started crying)... or she’s mad that you help?

[FranticallyPeaceful]

FYI I’d love it if my kids wanted DP!!!

[Justanotherdaddy]

Clearly my writing (I did it quickly and I’m spent) .... just to clarify, she cried because neither child wanted her and they both literally cling to me. She actually cried when the eldest asked her to leave his room and she went downstairs ... he was then milling about the house while I was doing the youngest

Later on though the youngest was calling for her

[Justanotherdaddy]

Might go for the “not sharing” bedtime then ... we’ve both been self employed since they were born and do all bedtimes together though .... which I know means we are lucky I don’t want to come across as a bit of a git ...

[Singlenotsingle]

When I'm at my ddil's, the children want ME to put them to bed (ages 5 and 2). My ddil doesn't mind at all. It means she can get on with other stuff!