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Am i overreacting

(26 Posts)
martini Sat 23-Jun-18 08:26:56

My dm is not very healthy ,has had a stroke couple year ago and has weight problems etc ,her doctor has told her she must change her lifestyle now as her health is getting worse ,she eats rubbish ,she's 57 years old and eats foods like pot noodles and readyvmeals cos she can't be bothered cooking ,she doesn't work ,refuses to do voluntary work ,so just sits and watches daytime TV ,no exercise ,so yesterday she tells me that she thought she was taking a heart attack in middle of night ,then goes on to say can she have oldest granddaughter over to stay tonight as she needs company (dd is11) to which I reply no u cannot if u need company then u need to get off the sofa and make an effort to meet friends etc ,I told her she can't be responsible for a child if she is feeling like she could take a heart attack at any minute ,she told me to stop being a drama queen that dd would just phone an ambulance and it would all be fine ,wtf ,how selfish and irresponsible is this to want to put her granddaughter in this situation ,i am livid with her for even suggesting this staying over idea

Sirzy Sat 23-Jun-18 08:30:40

Has anyone considered what the 11 year old wants? She may want to spend time with her grandmother.

Sounds like dramatics May run in the family tbh!

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 08:40:43

So ur saying I should leave my child with someone who may take a heart attack at any minute and my daughter will be left alone unattended while waiting on any help coming ,so I'm being a drama queen because I don't want my daughter to witness her granmother having a heart attack ,this would be very traumatic for an eleven year in my opinion

Sirzy Sat 23-Jun-18 08:41:33

Anything could happen to anyone at any time! Nobody knows what’s around the corner

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 08:44:47

OK yes I get that but considering a medical professional has said it more like to happen to DM ,should I still go ahead and put my child in situation like that

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 08:46:45

I do think your tone is very dramatic OP. If you’re concerned for your child’s safety, don’t send her.

But there really isn’t any need for the histrionics to accompany it.

MrsEricBana Sat 23-Jun-18 08:47:56

Of course she shouldn't go if that's the reason. Can you go to dm or dm visit you? 57 is no age to be living like that. I feel for her. Sounds like she's got into a rut she can't pull herself out of.

MarthasGinYard Sat 23-Jun-18 08:49:57

What does your dd say?

Lazypuppy Sat 23-Jun-18 08:51:21

Its 'have' a heart attack not 'take' a heart attack.

And yes you sound dramatic and judgy of your mum

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Sat 23-Jun-18 08:55:46

Not fair to put the responsibility of being the only source of company on a dc. When she has invites elsewhere she will feel guilty towards her gm if she can't go... Maybe for tea /visit but not to feel like a carer. Teach your dd how to use a phone for emergency services just in case.

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 08:57:21

I haven't mentioned it to dd as she's primary school age so I feel its my decision to make not dds ,also we do see DM every 2 or 3 days ,do a lot together so dd won't be missing out on spending time with DM but I just feel the staying over thing was too far in this situation but I have been known to be a bit of a drama queen in past so that's why I've asked for realistic opinions from others ,thanks to all who have answered

MarthasGinYard Sat 23-Jun-18 08:59:16

Fair one Op

I'd say
In this case

"Granny has asked if you want to sleep over one night what do you think?"

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 09:00:55

I think that if you’re genuinely concerned then overnights aren’t a good idea. I’m sure your DD COULD call an ambulance, but equally I wouldn’t want my child in a position where they’d have to.

And if your Mum is emotionally pulling at your DD that isn’t fair either.

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 09:01:01

Lazypuppy thanks for the English lesson ,my god some people can't help themselves

Greendayz Sat 23-Jun-18 09:01:42

Unless she's actually having symptoms of a heart attack, right now then she has no idea whether she's likely to have one later. And most likely she won't have one today.

She sounds sad and lonely and wants your DD for company. No need to prevent that unless it doesn't suit you or DD very much doesn't want to go.

But I'd agree with you that it's not really a substitute for friends of her own.

Steeley113 Sat 23-Jun-18 09:04:48

Do you mean she’s getting chest pains at night? That’s why she feels like she’s ‘taking a heart attack’ hmm if she’s having chest pains she needs to try some gaviscon or call for medical advice.

As for your 11 year old, ask her what she wants.

user1493413286 Sat 23-Jun-18 09:05:10

I wouldn’t let my DD stay there if she was saying that; if it’s genuine it’s a horrible situation for your DD if it were to happen especially as you had warning about it.
Could you motivate your mum to get out and about by saying your DD would love to do things with her grandmother etc

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 09:05:48

Also I don't really mean to be judgemental of DM ,I've tried for years to help her get out the rut she's in but she always says she can't be bothered ,I always cook healthy meals for her to make sure she's eating etc but I am a single parent to two dds ,and I have different health problems of my own so I don't always have to time to help her when she refuses to help herself

Shenanagins Sat 23-Jun-18 09:06:44

No I wouldn’t want to put my children into that situation.

As for sounding judgey, don’t blame you as I would want to spout off on an anonymous forum if my beloved Mum was doing something that could harm her health.

martini Sat 23-Jun-18 09:11:34

Steeley ,I think she knew it was coming from her heart as she has heart issues and also sometimes gets bad heartburn so I think she could probably tell the difference between them but then again maybe not

Lazypuppy Sat 23-Jun-18 09:46:27

@martini well 'take a heart attack' makes no sense

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 09:49:41

Lazy it’s regional ffs. It’s what someone from where I live would say too.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 23-Jun-18 09:52:45

No i wouldn't either tbh

She's a child. One who's not there to be used for company for someone who probably won't even be arsed to cook for ge r or do anything with her.

Not her responsibility to babysit her grandma

Steeley113 Sat 23-Jun-18 10:20:17

@martini I’m an a&e nurse, I can tell you now, people cannot tell the difference. I’ve treated many ‘heart attacks’ with rennies and many ‘bad case of heartburn’ with a trip to the cath lab!

Steeley113 Sat 23-Jun-18 10:22:11

And if she’s sat at home experiencing chest pain that she doesn’t think is heartburn with diagnosed heart problems, she needs to be seeking medical help!

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