One thing after another

[Floozymum]

I'm a FTM to my 14 week old DS. The first few months were very difficult, lack of napping, very windy/colicky, to fast and strong let down, generally screamy baby but nothing out of the ordinary.

Now he is over 3 months I just feel like nothing is getting easier and I'm struggling.

It started after his first lot of injections when he was really fussy for a good few days, he started to pull on and off my boob, and never really fed properly from that point onwards. I was told it was normal by various health professionals. Until he started dropping down weight centiles and he was found to have urine infection. Clue lots of hospital visits, antibiotics - diarrhoea, sore bum, waking up pooing all night. After that point he completely refused to breast feed. Which I'm really sad about. So lots of pumping and topping up with formula. He got over the infection and he gained weight really well and was a joy for about a week.

Then he started being funny with bottles, not really taking much, arching back, but he is gaining weight so again no one is very concerned. I offer him my boob still but he cry's or ignores and last night he 'accidentally' latched on and made a noise of utter disgust! He has just had his second lot of injections so is cranky after that. Plus I think he is teething. He now seems to completely stopped sleeping to the point that I rocked him basically the whole night. So I'm not sure if he is now going through sleep regression. He thumps his legs all night and just screams blue murder when he is hungry. I've got a cold and he seems to be snotty today so I wonder if he has got that too.

I feel like there is so much going on, I just don't know what he wants. I'm struggling with getting the amounts of formula right, I'm always offering him bottles and he rarely takes much if at all. I do everything by myself, my DP is great but works long hours and usually not home until I've put DS to bed, and doesn't help during the night. My parents are amazing but live about 1hour 1/2 away and have 4 other grandchildren so they help when they can. My MIL is always willing to help but very unsure of herself so doesn't give me the greatest confidence when looking after DS, and I'm conscious that she gets tired so try not to ask her to help too much.

If you saw my DS you'd think he was a delight, although often very serious, he is super alert, hitting his milestones, and generally smiley. We go to baby group, swimming and yoga which we have varying degrees of success in. There's obviously not something desperately wrong with him or else he wouldn't be like this, but he has screamed all day at me today and I'm just fed up. I try everything to make him happy and I just feel that there's always something wrong. I have seen my HV, lactation specialist, GP, paediatric consultant (due to the UTI) and suggested that I think he has some kind of feeding issue due to the crying and fussing but whenever anyone sees him he coo's, smiles and lays flat on his back, plus he mostly has put on weight. So I think they all think I'm a bit dramatic.

I feel like I'm going a bit mad. I'm a trained nurse (although not in paediatrics) so I have a grasp on health in general and I'm really not a neurotic mother. I don't really know what I'm writing this thread for as I'm guessing there's nothing anyone can help me with, but please tell me it gets easier?!

[KatyP1975]

My immediate feeling with this is he's getting over tired and/or over stimulated. Some babies just need quiet time in moses basket or bouncy cradle to chill out. Or try walking with him in the pram (you probably have though). You need to try and put him down for naps before he's showing any signs of tiredness too. The eating thing may sort itself out when he's weaned after 6 months. Some babies just aren't keen on milk. The baby I'm fostering at the moment has come on leaps and bounds sInce weaning (she's very tiny but starting to move up the centiles now) and it seems she just doesn't like formula. She only has 4oz per day now aged 9 months.

[CorianderSnell]

This sounds really difficult and I’m not surprised you’re struggling with it all.

I can’t really suggest anything practical but if I were you I would just keep talking to whatever professionals you can - are there breastfeeding drop ins near you? A different lactation consultant? GP again/different GP etc. With luck someone can either advise something that helps you feed/settle him more successfully or look into anything else that could be causing his grumpiness (eg trying reflux meds, allergy/intolerance, lingering infection, thrush... ). I mean, don't drive yourself crazy over it, but I think often we need to keep asking because different disciplines come at problems with different knowledge and one persons ‘babies are just like that’ might be another’s, ‘oh it could be x, let’s try y’.

In the meantime you are going to need to prioritise your own care for a bit. The sleep deprivation from rocking him all night on its own is a huge toll on you, let alone all the stress of illness and difficult feeding and grumpiness in the day.

Outsource what you can, make sure you’re communicating well with your partner about when you’re overwhelmed and what he can help with, try and carve out some time for small acts of self care etc.

And yes, it will (almost certainly!) get easier. Whether you find a concrete ‘problem’ that can be worked on, or whether you conclude he’s just a difficult baby. As pp says, weaning might help him or for some being able to move more makes them happier, or just outgrowing quirks of their small bodies that hinder them in some way.

[Prusik]

Have you thought whether it might be "mild" cmpa? Ds1 cried a lot. I took video recording after video recording of him crying to the GP and begged for them to take me seriously. I asked for a two week trial of dairy free formula and haven't looked back since

[CloudCaptain]

My 2 both had digestive issues which the health professionals all brushed aside as normal. I kept being told they would grow out of it. They mostly did by age 2!
I had to figure out the tricks to sooth their tummy ache myself.
I found with Ds2 he was much more chilled out and just fed, winded vigorously then back to sleep. He barely acknowledged the world until he was about 6mo. I was too busy with ds1 to fuss with Ds2 and he was much happier. Ds1 was massively overstimulated.
The sleep deprivation is utterly maddening. Can you get a family member to take over for a bit so you can get a nap? You may be able to get a better perspective on the problem.

[Floozymum]

Thank you for all the help so far.

@KatyP1975 he does have a good napping and sleep schedule usually. Which I've worked really hard to try and get right as he used to get over tired. He'll have 3-4 naps depending on how well he goes down/sleeps for. 'Bedtime' is 7pm - 7am, and he used to have 2 feeds over night (one being a dream feed) now he just seems all over the place with his screaming/feeding overnight.

I'm hoping weening will help, he is always very 'busy' so I'm hopeful the new flavours and textures will be very exciting for him!

[ODog]

He sounds a bit like my DS. Basically he just hated being a baby and things got better with each milestone. Sitting was the big turning point, then again crawling etc. I was the only person who was relieved at their baby being on the move as he was like a different baby the day he crawled. A good sling,a dummy and safe cosleeping helped massively in the meantime. He napped better in the sling or with me in bed and he was definitely in the sleep breeds sleep camp at that age. Lots of fresh air and walks, minimal baby groups/swimming as he found them overwhelming and wouldn’t nap well and/or would scream all the way through. I did the bare minimum needed for my own sanity and started Toddler groups as soon as he was on the move as by that point he never sat for the baby classes anyway. He’s still fairly high needs now at 4 but he’s also very switched on, sensitive, confident, active and generally a really amazing kid —I know I’m biased—

[Floozymum]

Thanks everyone. I saw a different lactation consultant who actually spent an hour with me and watched him play too. She said it he acts like a 2 year old in a 3 month old babies body! Which makes a lot of sense, he is always attempting to kamikaze of my lap to get to toys etc. I think he thinks he can walk but obviously just flails on the floor and gets frustrated. I've tried to get him a couple of toys that he can hold a bit better and some teething rings. We got a slightly better nights sleep last night.

She mentioned possible CMPA but he doesn't seem to have enough symptoms for that. Plus I'm pretty milk free so I'd have thought he would have flared up when he started on formula if that was the case. I'll just keep preserving with the random feeding and hope that he'll get better as time goes on!