Visitation

[MrJPurp]

Hi,

First-time poster, 5 years a Father.

I have been told Dads shouldnt post here, a stigma is attached like a womens only area, I dont suspect thats the case, any guidance or information will be appreciated.

Me and my Ex-Partner (unmarried) split up a few years ago, during that time we went through some trouble communicating (was a messy break up ended on new years day, she couldnt take aspects of my life, I could take aspects of hers). I have in the past seen my daughter on a Wednesday (evening) Friday (evening), Saturday and Sunday every week, however, due to work commitments I agreed with my Ex it was best to see my child fortnightly, this was easier on the both of us (in reflection i should have pushed for more but as is the case it wasnt possible).
Since then due to money (what else ) my Ex decided to go through Child Maintenance, this was spontaneous and unexpected, (Completely out of character from the woman I knew but after a moment of thought not surprising as to what she has become) I believe she felt I was not paying enough it was found that under the current child care arrangemetns I wasn't, I needed to pay 90 pence more, not what she was expecting, I guess she felt I was to pay alot more, I tried to warn her not too after it was done, as all the added extra's I pay (school clothing, internet, netflix,etc. would stop, I do not consider this spiteful, I do not wish to end up in trouble with CSA as i am not sticking to their agreements, just because she was money hungry).

For Context over the course of 2 years I have increased my monthly payments to my ex-partner from £120 - £160 this is due to hardships she fell upon and money I was able to provide, it was new to the both of us, I did not know what was expected to be paid and paid what i believed was fair including extras on top (not counting the extra's my daughter got from me, trust me, she is a spoilt one ) since the Child maintenance I pay £160.90 only (extras, when daughter is with me, is by the by). The money was never an issue and will not be(in relation to myself).

Now the issue is my Ex who is on benefits and a partner who is also on benefits has become money hungry, case in point the above spontaneous need for child maintenance involvement, I quote " I can get more money out of you".
My daughter is my first and only child, my work has become a lot less stressful and I expect that won't change, my partner is very supportive and has become a pseudo-Stepmom soon to be one if she plays her cards right (or I do at least ) (not an evil one I assure you ).

I also struggle with the possibility of taking my daugther abroad on holidays refusal in the past has been down to as my ex put it "jealousy" however, I believe the conversation she had with my mother put her in the right from of mind, this is for my daughter not for my ex, shame that isnt the case for everything but we cant expect things to be perfect.

I suspect if I asked my ex-partner for 50/50 custody of my daughter she will refuse it on the grounds she will receive no more money from myself and even if I was to offer her the same amount I suspect she will not do it just to remain spiteful.

I will be having my daughter for a week or two over the summertime (she asked to be with me for a week which given her past behaviour and whispers in her ear from her mother has been a blessing and definetly made me feel more appreciated as her fatehr which has not always been the case, however, it appears our bond is a lot stronger since my partenr has become a strong female role model for my daughter) I have not tried it before as my Ex states she will only do something if my daughter wants it, she has reluctantly agreed to the above, I know this won't stand up to the test after I ask for 50/50 custody which my daughter has agreed she would like, as my Ex will say she is too young to be making those decisions (one for one way not the other, ay).


Pointers

I am 21
I am financially stable
I have a residence
I have a vehicle (partner drives), not yet driving myself, not needed to as work is a 10 min walk away
I have no criminal convictions
I work within Social Services (though that doesn't mean much )
I am on my Daughters birth certificate
There is a Family Arrangement in place between me and my ex currently, no courts.

My Question is, if my ex-says no without a good reason why other than spite or money (I am open to hearing what she has to say, school arrangements and what not can be dealt with, my daughter would get used to the arrangements, I can offer my daugther just as much if not more and she would get used to it even if the first couple of weeks would be rough it is something I would be willing to work on with her, for her and me), what process would give me the best ability to get 50/50 custody, I am willing to go to court if needs must, I would try a mediator, however, I suspect that would not work, given my ex's current track record. Do the courts have a blanket policy to refuse, would I have a chance to get 50/50 custody, if not is there something, in particular, I should work towards, to get this to work, I want more time with my daughter and regret not having that ability with my own Father, I feel... lost without her here, she started reading and writing recently, I found out weeks after, I dont want to miss out on this, work is no longer weighing me down, getting in the way with its stupid hours. I refuse to accept in this day and generation that my Ex would be able to say no without providing a solid reason.

Please do not respond with the "try it first you don't know" I will be however, I am not holding my breath.

Thank you for taking your time.

If anyone notices I also made this post in other forums, I am trying to get as much advice as possible.