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I can't take my son out

(12 Posts)
AnxietyForever Sun 27-May-18 20:25:22

My almost 4month old DS has extreme stranger anxiety. The ONLY people he is content around is me and his dad. We went out to the fair today and he was fine in his pram but as soon as we took him out he cried seeing other faces. He screamed and cried and nothing settled him apart from pushing him around.
It also happens around my family and friends, they pick him up and want a cuddle and then he just scream and cries and it's hard to console him once I've got him back.
The past couple of weeks have been hard when we go out and I just wonder how I can help him.
I don't just want to stay at home with him as he will not see any new faces at all but going out is also hard.
Any ideas??

Chocness Sun 27-May-18 22:29:25

Just work with him on this and don’t force anything. He’s so little so just go at his pace and don’t worry about this. You know he just wants his mummy and daddy at the moment so just stick with that. Everyone else will just have to wait for his cuddles for when he is ready to separate a bit more from you. Focus on making him secure with you and your partner. Before you know it he’ll be a lot more comfortable with others. In the meantime try not to be worried about it or force anything.

Chocness Sun 27-May-18 22:33:59

Ps I should add that it’s very healthy, if not essential for you to go out everyday otherwise you’ll start climbing the walls so don’t stop that. Do you have a pram whereby he can face you rather than outward? Can you give him a toy/muslin that smells of you which he can keep on him when out and about? If your pram is outward facing then I’d be inclined to just keep talking to him so he knows you are close or maybe invest in a baby carrier just to get you over this period and help him feel a bit more secure. Don’t think you are doing anything wrong here by the way, some babies just need more reassurance and comfort than others. Good luck 💐

Caterina99 Mon 28-May-18 06:21:25

You can still go out. Just keep him in the pram, or you hold him. I think it’s fairly normal for babies to be like this.

Also 4 months is very small. They can get overstimulated and overtired very quickly. It may just have been a noisy stressful environment was too much for him and he needed a feed and/or a nap.

JeanMichelBisquiat Mon 28-May-18 06:36:20

Can you use a sling where he's tucked right in to you, so his face is just next to your chest? That way he can peek out sideways, but it's not overwhelming....

I'd recommend a soft structured carrier that really tucks tight around him and makes him feel secure. Baby Bjorns are (my opinion!) a bit crap as they don't hold the baby in that froggy legged position, so it's just dangling there.

It's quite normal for some babies to find situations like that hard to deal with, and I'm sure it'll improve with time.

JeanMichelBisquiat Mon 28-May-18 06:37:29

Ps "I just wonder how I can help him" Best. Mummy. Ever flowers

Loraline Mon 28-May-18 06:48:16

My DS got overestimated quite easily and would howl when tiny (which 4 months is). Don't stop going out but a sling is a great idea. And a cuddle toy. Also make sure he's getting the sleep he needs during the day. Over tiredness makes everything worse for them. flowers

GlassSuppers Mon 28-May-18 07:13:48

My DD went through something similar at this age.
She didn't want me either to be honest, she wanted to be left alone in her pram/bouncer seat where she was happy.

Do you go to any stay and play groups OP? May do you both good to get out and meet other parents and babies.

My DD is now the most confident 2yo and says hello to everybody we pass so it doesn't last forever.

TammySwansonTwo Mon 28-May-18 07:18:12

Both of my boys went through this and they are now very sociable toddlers who will ask other mums at baby groups for a cuddle!This is a very overwhelming time for them. I would keep him in the buggy or a carrier, just let them get used to things. They will start to be less afraid of other people, just don’t push it too much.

Hereshopingforimprovement Mon 28-May-18 07:21:01

Ds was like this, sling was a total sanity saver.

seven201 Mon 28-May-18 07:52:37

Don't let people hold him if he doesn't like it. I know he's only little but maybe show him photos of family and make lots of positive noises. Or maybe video friends and family waving at him and saying hi baby name. So next time he sees them he has a nice positive memory of them. Maybe take him out to somewhere not too busy and show him people in the distance. Maybe little kids playing would be fun for him to watch. Basically take it very slowly. Just my thoughts. Must be so tough.

AnxietyForever Mon 28-May-18 09:51:07

Wow thank you for the advice.
He's a lovely little thing and is so happy at home and we are having a great morning so far, I also have an older ds so we do go out a fair bit but the past 3/4 weeks I've noticed this new thing with him.
We are planning a picnic for this afternoon in the park so I'm hoping it will go smoothly.
I suppose I'm panicking thinking about returning to work and leaving him with my mum so upset but I understand he's still tiny and a lot of time to adjust.
It's also very frustrating when people just want to scoop him up (understandably) and he just want to be left alone- I will have to be more firm with people.
Thanks again

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