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5yo DS difficult behaviour, help really struggling

(9 Posts)
GoodNightGorilla Mon 23-Apr-18 13:10:00

(Just posted on behaviour board but realised that it's very quiet)

I'm hoping someone can help me with some ideas as I'm struggling with my (just turned) 5 yo DS and it's really getting me down.

Up until starting school he was a lovely little boy - happy, confident, lots of friends, funny. But also would listen and understand when being told to do something and only occassionaly misbehaved, at which point something like timeout would work well.

Upon starting school he was clearly very tired, and this lead to quite angry outbursts. Literally over the space of the week I was wondering where my little boy had gone. It did settle down and he returned to his sunny self, but more recently we have been have increasing incidents of meltdowns and bad behaviour which I'm struggling to know how to react to.

(should probably mention at this point he has an older sister who never went through this stage at all!)

His teacher has confirmed he's well behaved at school, will wait his turn, put his hand up, get involved, is popular etc.

But at home he really seems to struggle any time he can't control the situation or something doesn't go his way.

This can result in throwing things, shouting 'I hate you', slamming doors and occassionally hitting out.

More of an issue is when we have been out and about. A few times if something minor has gone wrong (e.g. his sister going down the slide first) he has run off.

I have spoken to him about how dangerous this is, and he mustn't do it, how I might lose him or he might get hurt, and he's seemed to understand and stop. I've usually removed him from the situation and sat with him until he's calmed down and apologised and seemed to understand.

However this morning he ran off along a main road because he couldn't climb on his sisters back (she was wearing a backpack). This was so dangerous and I obviously shouted in a way that made him stop. But he was hitting me saying he hates me and he wants daddy.

I said to him we are getting him a toddler hand strap as I can't trust him, and I will follow through (he wants to be grown up and having to do anything babyish is a terrible thing for him). I still feel sick thinking about how dangerous this was.

I really need a strategy to deal with these outbursts going forward that my husband and I can be consistent with.

I feel like a shit parent at the moment and it's really getting me down. He missed his weekend activites this weekend (which he loved) becase minor things went wrong (eg he worse sandals and noone else was) and so he absolutely refused to do them.

Any advice on what to do? We have sticker charts, I'm trying to ignore bad and praise good, unless it is a red line (eg hitting, breaking somehting or running off) and in those cases it's a warning and time out, but it's clearly not stopping it from happening again sad

Help!

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 23-Apr-18 20:39:01

I think you are right suggesting the toddler strap. I carried one in my pocket for a while just for the same reason. My DS knew I was carrying it and if he did run off it would go straight on. Just knowing that seemed to work.

You mention weekend activities. Is he doing many activities and is he doing them in the week too? What time does he go to bed? I, just wondering if he’s tired.

FridayThirteenth Mon 23-Apr-18 20:52:18

He goes to bed at 7.30 but often won’t fall asleep for a while. He also wakes up and gets into our bed any time between 3-6am (though does fall back asleep usually).

He does swimming on a Saturday morning which is early, 8.30am and then football 10am on Sunday.

Maybe he is tired, he was insistent on the football and absolutely loves it, but does mean he is out of the house every morning. However he’s always awake by then anyway, very rarely do we wake him up!

FridayThirteenth Mon 23-Apr-18 20:52:34

Oops name change fail...

FridayThirteenth Mon 23-Apr-18 20:53:59

No activities in the week, though is in after school club 3 days a week which is pretty late.

He has been much better behaved this afternoon, the threat of the toddler strap seems to be working at the moment...

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 23-Apr-18 20:56:46

The after school club along with 2 activities at the weekend is a lot but I understand totally why he does this. Is there anyway he could go to bed earlier? At that age mine were in bed with the lights out most week nights by 7 pm.

Ariela Mon 23-Apr-18 21:02:20

I'd give him a snack as you walk home from school eg a banana. Often they're so tired they need a quick pick-me-up after school

Mrstumbletap Mon 23-Apr-18 21:13:05

My DS is the same age and the other night he woke up as he was poorly and the next day he was a terror, tearful, overly emotional he was like a different boy. Next day after a big sleep he was fine again.

I put my DS up to bed at 7pm, could you move his bedtime earlier? dim the lights in his room so he gets more sleep and return him to his bed if he gets in to yours so he gets a long unbroken sleep? You might see a real change in behaviour if he is getting 11-12 hours a night.

FridayThirteenth Mon 23-Apr-18 22:45:03

I have tried before putting him to bed earlier but he just seems to spend longer falling asleep, and will just keep on getting out of bed. I will try this again though. We often don’t get home until 6.30 on after school club nights so it can be a struggle.

Perhaps we need a few weeks of doing very little and having quiet weekends to see if that makes a difference.

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