Toddler troubles!

[Fabbie]

Hello,

I was just hoping for some advice regarding my 2 year old son our second born. He's 2 years and 1 month. Since birth he's always been incredibly demanding I've never known a newborn to sleep so little and he's been consistently demanding going straight to screaming at the slightest upset. As he's got older this has continued turning into quite severe tantrums where he hurts himself purposely by banging his head and throwing himself onto the floor anywhere. we've taken steps to address this by explaining exactly what will be happening for example getting in the car as this can trigger a tantrum (pretty much anything can) and this seems to help. Plus we've been ignoring him when he cries due to a tantrum and asking him to say what he wants.

For the first time in a while I thought I'd try a toddler group again- I've always had a nightmare with these as he used to spend the entire time there having tantrums on the floor screaming if any child went near him. This time that didn't happen but he tested me in another way which was to run straight out the doors which were then shut but he went to the doors several times and pushed them open. I warned him we would go home if he kept playing with the doors and tried to distract him. This worked for a couple of minutes but again he ran to other doors and the kitchen area. I tried to shut these doors but he was able to open them after several warnings I told him we were going home which we did.

So I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for this as anything constructive would be really helpful. Thank you in advance

[Fabbie]

Just an update in case anyone sees this and has any advice as I'm still in desperate need of some sort of guidance! The tantrums have returned in addition to the constant running away. He is now at nursery which seems to be helping with the amount of times he has tantrums but they are just as intense if not more so with him now trying to hurt me as well as himself. I have to do the school run all week which is a 15 minute walk away as my husband works and takes the car. It's quite a busy route and if I'm running slightly late I can't let him get out so he usually screams the whole way and tries to tip the pram over. He refuses to wear reins causing a huge meltdown if I attempt to put them on and will just make a break for it randomly and run into the run and would run across roads if I didn't catch him. He always goes back in his pram when he does this. I have tried getting him to hold onto the pram which he will for a minute or so with prompting but then will run. Any advice would be great I'm at my wit's end :(

[HonniBee]

I’m sorry to hear it’s so difficult! My DS went through a head banging phase and it is terrifying. I’m really not sure that I can be of much assistance, but the one thing that stood out for me was the ignoring his crying bit. I think that at this age they’re crying and tantrumming because they don’t know how to deal with their feelings. I find listening to my DS and talking about his emotions and why he’s upset calms him down quicker. More like in the book “how to talk...”
Not always practical, especially with two and schools runs etc. But might help him deal with his emotions better.

[Fabbie]

Thanks for the comment, I'm going to continue to try and ignore as much as possible; usually he won't let us intervene it seems to make him even angrier! Yes that's a good idea we've done abit on recognising emotions he'll say when he's angry but I think I'll try and talk about it on the school run as I don't really do that at the moment. Thank you for replying

[HonniBee]

Oh absolutely! When my DS is in the full throes of a tantrum there’s nothing I can do to help. He just gets so furious, and anything I say or do makes it louder. Then I just sit and wait. Again, not practical when you have things to do!