Family indifference to my 18 month old son

[Mark80]

I'm new so apologies if this subject has been done before, feel fee to signpost me to a similar thread.

My brother has shown very little interest in my son since he was born, he doesn't get in touch to ask how he is, has never asked for photos, doesn't ask to come see him. The indifference is very hurtful and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. He lives with my Mum which makes it very difficult for me to take my son round, he moans about how untidy the house gets, has moved my sons travel cot and toys around in annoyance and has refused to let him sleep in the room he stays in (twice a week). My mum cant stand up to him and make a case for my son to have somewhere quiet to sleep (only other option is the living room in a travel cot). Its a complete nightmare.

My Dad has now gone 3 months without getting in touch to ask how my son is and offer to come see him. I've arranged every single meet up between them all and had had enough of doing all the ringing and texting only to get lateness, crap excuses (a parcel being delivered, car in the garage, a poorly foot) forgetting the arrangement completely etc...

Its really hard as my son looks like he's going to grow up without a granddad and an uncle.

Anyone else experienced this? I want to move on so I can concentrate on my son but at the moment its making me really upset.

[Hoppinggreen]

Your brother is a single bloke living at home with his parents, I would be surprised if he was very interested. Be nice if he was but he’s not. You can’t force people
I get that your baby is the most amazing thing ever to happen ( both mine were) but not everyone sees it like that
If your son sees them occasionally and it’s all fine there’s no need to get all melodramatic and “ growing up without an Uncle or Grandad” about it.

[Mark80]

Thanks I'm starting to see that it is a loss of an idea of him being an uncle, sharp reality check.

[Kittysparks1]

Be upset, then move on. You have to. I understand the hurt though. No one bothers with my son. His grandad has met him once. His auntie also once. My mum pops in once every 2 months or so.
No texts, no calls, nothing, it's like we don't exists to them! He is 7 months old now and the best thing that ever happened to me. I plan to make up for the lack of family by being the best mum ever

[KimmySchmidt1]

Bit surprised your single brother who has failed to launch his life is not interested - on top of being a young single man your baby might also reminds him of his own failure to settle down and start a family.

You don’t mention your partner - was thensby bornninto difficult circumstances? (Single Mum no money or job prospects, father a waster). Is there a history of them not approving if or getting on with your partner?

It sounds harsh but the truth is some parents still find it painful if their daughter gets pregnabf in circumstances they feel are disappointing or very difficult.

[Mark80]

It is comforting to know I'm not the only to be who experiences this. I expected my son to bring my fragmented dysfunction family together. Seems it highlights the flaws even more. I will endeavour to feel the pain and move on to be a wonderful father. Thanks

[geekymommy]

It is comforting to know I'm not the only to be who experiences this. I expected my son to bring my fragmented dysfunction family together. Seems it highlights the flaws even more.

That's what usually happens. Babies generally don't bring dysfunctional families or marriages together, not in the real world.

[Xansaf]

I’ve been the disinterested party in the past. Babies just weren’t my thing so I didn’t take much interest in seeing them etc. These were cousins kids so not as close as your situation nor causing some of the problems you mentioned but having been there, now I have a kid, I don’t expect anyone to be interested in her. If they are, then lovely and I will happily allow them into her life, keep them updated etc. If they’re not then that’s fine too. This is why I never post pictures on Facebook (alongside other reasons) because I don’t want to come across as assuming everyone else wants to see them.

[Mark80]

Good point before I had my child I wasn't that interested in anybody else's especially the Facebook stuff (I've gradually disengaged completely with all social media) I guess the biggest problem is him being at my mums which he will be for the foreseeable future. If he's not interested I can't force him but I'm not having bad vibes from him if I take him to my mums and he is there.

[RNBrie]

It might change as he grows up. My family were largely disinterested in my dc as babies but now the dc are older my family finds them more interesting and look forward to seeing them.

I also find it helps to ask for help rather than have them just randomly show an interest. My parents won't ever offer but if I ask for specific help then I usually get it.

I would try not to be upset by it though. Other people's young children are rarely that interesting!

[catlovingdoctor]

Were you all very close before the birth? Is it maybe just them continuing the same level of contact as before you had your baby?

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

Their loss. I know it's hard though.

[Cutesbabasmummy]

MY FIL has seen my 3 year old 4 times in his life. He has 4 older cousins who don't see him much either. My son has no idea who he is when he sees him. My MIL sees him when she's not off travelling or being an atrist. By contrast my parents look after him 2 days a week and he adores them. I know who is missing out and it's not my son.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

My DD1 doesn't know her little DB and DSis. It's not her fault, my bastard stepdad fucked up everyone who let him get close. It is sad though.