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Unwanted third child - help

(9 Posts)
cherrytreehouse Tue 13-Mar-18 11:53:27

I found out a few days ago that I am pregnant with DC3. We have 2DS's aged 6 & 3yrs. We weren't planning any more and were using contraception (which has failed!)

Initially when I found out I thought 'OK, maybe we could' but the more I have thought about it the less and less I want it. It's only very early (just 5 weeks I think). I am learning toward a termination, never ever thought I would say that but I can't bare the thought of pregnancy (was very ill both times), breastfeeding (really struggled) or having 3 children all at different ages to deal with.

We are also financially stable, i can afford to give my two children a good life, i have a great job which has taken me ages to get to where I want it to be plus DH doesn't want another baby. We would also need to move house, buy a new car etc etc all of which I don't really want however it is the birth, pregnancy and early days that put me off the most. I thought we were done with (and want to be done with) all of that.

I am just not feeling it. I feel terrible because we 'could' support another child and I am sure we would love it but has anyone else been through this? I had always thought I 'might' feel a want for another child as I approach 40 (I am 35) but right now I don't feel anything other than fear, anger and stress.

KimmySchmidt1 Tue 13-Mar-18 12:30:02

You dont have to justify it. The law allows termination so that women have dominion over their own bodies and because babies are a giant lifetime commitment. Do what is best for you and your existing family.

cherrytreehouse Tue 13-Mar-18 12:33:50

Thank you, you're right, I just don't want another baby / child at this time. I suppose it is just a hard position to be in and you can't help but question yourself because there is such a stigma attached, but ultimately I think I know it's just not what I want.

buffysummers4 Tue 13-Mar-18 12:40:09

Awww that sounds really stressful. I haven't been in this situation but having had our second we are sure we don't want another for many similar reasons as you (plus I've had two Caesareans).
I have been researching contraception options and am quite alarmed at the relatively high failure rates of all the options because I think I would feel very similar to how you describe if we had an 'accident' and I would also seriously but reluctantly consider termination. Like you that is not something I would ever have thought about previously especially having spent many years trying for our first. Hopefully I won't ever be in that situation but if I was I really don't know what I would do, I would be very torn.
Take a bit of time to think about it and talk to your husband before making a final decision but definitely don't feel guilty for feeling like this whatever you decide in the end. There seems to be a bit of a trend towards having three children at the moment (wild generalisation I know!) but that doesn't mean it's right for everyone.
On the other hand, if it's mainly the early days you are worried about, are there ways you could make that easier eg go back to work earlier/later, get a cleaner, au pair etc?
Best wishes with the decision.

cherrytreehouse Tue 13-Mar-18 13:28:11

Thank you Buffy, it does actually help to know that others would face a similar dilemma. It's strange because I always thought I might be happy if I accidently fell pregnant at some point but I am really just not. My DS1 was an 'accident' and at the time DH (not H then) wasn't keen but i knew inside I wanted to go ahead, he of course came around to it and it has been fantastic but this time I just don't feel like that. I just want to go back in time to last week!

JosephWearsNoPants Tue 13-Mar-18 20:37:38

its a legal option.
not everyone will support or agree but do what you feel is the right decision for you.

RNBrie Tue 13-Mar-18 20:46:36

I agree with previous posters. You have the right to do what is best for you and your family.

OrangeHorse Tue 13-Mar-18 20:56:22

In your position I would feel the same and no one has the right to judge your choices thanks

alltopot Tue 13-Mar-18 21:32:00

I made this decision about 8yrs ago. Contraception failure too.
We had 3 dc ranging from 6yrs - 10yrs. I would always have wanted 4 but I realised my baby days were behind me. We could NOT have afforded a fourth but would have scraped by because you just do.
We decided to have a termination. Quite simply the hardest thing I've ever done. Haven't ever really talked about it but mainly because I'm embarrassed to say I still think it was the right thing for our family. If I was in the same position again I would make the same decision.
Cherry - make the decision based on what is right for you and your family.
thanks for you as its a shit decision to have to make.
Oh - I've now had an implant for 8years as it's the most safe - was no way I was going through that again.

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