Managing baby & toddler when partner away - any tips?

[Beachballsforme]

I’m due my second DC soon, I’ll also have a just-two year old when baby arrives.

My DH is really hands on when at home - BUT he works away 3 nights a week.

Anyone got any tips for me to deal with both baby and (pretty demanding, non-sleeping) toddler when DP has to go back to work, particularly at bedtime?

Anything you’ve found particularly useful to have?

TIA

[NapQueen]

A childminder . Dc1 went two full days a week from me being about 30 weeks. Carried on until I then went back to work when dc2 was 6mo; at which point they both went ft.

[Orangedaisy]

My gap is bigger but I had my 2 on my own for 2 nights a week and was fine, just about. Will come back later to add tips.

[PurplePotatoes]

My DH works a lot of nights...I found a sling useful at bedtime to have the baby in while I did bedtime stories etc or a bouncy chair in the bathroom while doing older ones bath then swap over or I used to do baby's bath, put them to bed while DD (she was 3 at time) played in her bedroom then once baby asleep do DDs bath / bedtime.

Tbh I found it not too bad when 2nd one was a baby, it's now that DS is a crazy toddler and DD 4 that I find it hard on my own.

[InDubiousBattle]

I think the best thing you could do is get your 2 year old into a good, reliable bedtime routine. When you say he's a non sleeper what do you mean? Can he settle himself in bed?

[Scotinoz]

Mine are 17mths apart, and my husband wasn't always home for bedtime. I used to lie the baby on the bathroom floor (on a blanket or the bouncy seat) so I could bath my eldest. Then I'd feed the baby while reading bedtime stories. Baby got parked on the floor again while I did some cuddling and tucking in.

I tried to get the eldest settling themself at bedtime so I didn't need to faff on sitting with them, before the baby arrived.

In a nutshell, a toddler and a baby is fine. Exhausting, but fine and quite manageable. Get out everyday, it does everyone good. Don't worry about walking out the door with 2 screaming kids and leaving the house like a bomb site, just get out! Plod on with your eldest's routine- playgroups, library etc - and the baby just slots in.

I remember feeling like a bit of a disaster zone in the early days when I was out. I frequently had 2 screaming kids and I looked terrible (spewed on top, and whatever clothes came to hand etc). I still feel that smug parents of one kid, or big gaps give you judgey looks, but parents with kids close together are right there with you!

[Beachballsforme]

Thank you this is all really helpful

By non-sleeping I just mean he wakes A LOT. We’ve tried everything - every method, every possible routine, lots of daytime sleep/no naps at all, strict/gentle methods, milk/no milk before bed. He goes to sleep easily but still wakes 3-4 times a night, not really wanting anything particular, sometimes food, sometimes a cuddle, sometimes a chat! He generally needs one of us with him to fall asleep. He wakes chattering away about what he’s done that day. Doesn’t always cry. If we don’t intervene he can be awake hours. He is very good and will occupy himself though... so should be fine playing if I need to sort the baby.