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Do introverted parents raise introverted children?

(23 Posts)
happytobemrsg Wed 21-Feb-18 17:26:55

I know 2 introverted siblings under 9. The eldest doesn't have a lot of confidence, doesn't like busy after school clubs etc. The youngest is also showing signs of being more of an observer rather than someone who gets stuck in without thinking first.

Both parents are shy & quite anxious people. Were they always going to have more introverted children? Should they automatically work harder at confidence building when children are young?

Is it a nature vs nurture thing? Interested to hear your thoughts.

FaFoutis Wed 21-Feb-18 17:30:10

Being an introvert is not a negative thing. It does not mean you are shy, an 'observer' or lacking in confidence.

BeyondThePage Wed 21-Feb-18 17:33:13

My husband and I are both introverted - my eldest DD17 is completely outgoing - and extrovert - happiest in the company of others and wants to travel the world teaching. My youngest DD15 is completely the opposite, happiest in her own company, not one for going out or parties at all, says she wants to live at home forever.

We have raised them as similarly as you can raise 2 children.

TrueWierdness Wed 21-Feb-18 17:34:31

Both DH and I are introverted and our children are too. I don't consider it a negative thing, and makes our family harmonious in many ways.

BootsAndCatsAndBootsAndCats Wed 21-Feb-18 17:36:14

BIG difference between introversion and being "shy and anxious". Perhaps do a bit more research before asking goady questions.

happytobemrsg Wed 21-Feb-18 17:37:06

I completely agree. I would consider myself introverted. Perhaps the title should be so shy parents raise shy children? That's more what I mean

happytobemrsg Wed 21-Feb-18 17:38:02

@BootsAndCatsAndBootsAndCats there was a cross post. I didn't intend to be goady at all. I apologise

NoqontroI Wed 21-Feb-18 17:38:47

Don't think so. My parents were both introverts as is my brother. I am not at all though.

Anxiety is something quite different to being an introvert.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 21-Feb-18 17:39:58

My scientific analysis of a sample of one leads me to say no, it doesn't happen.

Member341379 Wed 21-Feb-18 17:41:07

I am an introvert but I am not anxious, they don't go hand in hand. Introvert to me means I am happy in my own company, don't like large groups but I can still function in them. I think it is a sliding scale and you can be leaning more one way than another. It is not a negative thing and I find people who need to be entertained and in the middle of everything all the time exhausting. I have 3 kids. 2 pretty introverted, 1 def not. We all get on great though.

haba Wed 21-Feb-18 17:41:43

DH and I are both introverts, DS is also introvert. DD is absolutely utterly extrovert.
I do feel sorry for her sometimes, but we make great accommodations for her, and she seems happy in our family smile

HappyintheHills Wed 21-Feb-18 17:43:00

Introverted is not the same as shy.
It’s to do with being energised alone or in company.
Have a look here.

happytobemrsg Wed 21-Feb-18 17:43:32

To clarify: I should not have used the terms interchangeably. I am aware being introverted does not mean the same as being anxious. I apologise.

So to rephrase- are shy and/or anxious parents likely to raise children to be the same?

happytobemrsg Wed 21-Feb-18 17:44:11

Thank you @HappyintheHills I have clarified in another post

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal Wed 21-Feb-18 17:44:58

DH is an introvert, I'm an extrovert. So far, DD is showing all the signs of taking after her dad, whereas DS is more like me.

We're raising them exactly the same.

FaFoutis Wed 21-Feb-18 17:48:44

Even if an adult is 'shy' it should not be obvious if they have social skills.
I think parents who lack social skills often raise children who are the same. The don't have social behaviour modelled for them.
That's not the same as not liking after school club though, not liking after school club seems logical to me.

taekwondo Wed 21-Feb-18 17:59:57

Ds (6) is extrovert and me and dp are both introvert... it's a lot of fun and games...

Oblomov18 Wed 21-Feb-18 18:02:22

A parent who is shy and anxious should work very hard to make sure their child isn't shy and anxious. Do such parents try hard? I don't know.

But I do know some very shy and anxious children. Whose parents are not like that at all.

So I guess the theory is questionable?

Shampaincharly Wed 21-Feb-18 18:09:05

Have you read the book “Quiet” ?
Extrovert parents can have introverted children and vice versa.

Titsywoo Wed 21-Feb-18 18:23:00

People always called me shy. I wasn't shy I just spoke when I had something to say and didn't just babble like an idiot to fill silences. I hate how being shy is seen as some sort of disease. Leave people be.

Anyway - hard to say really. DH and I used to be quieter than we are now. We've grown louder with age! DD and DS are both fairly confident but not loud. Not sure if it's nature or nuture really - bit of both I guess.

SinisterBumFacedCat Wed 21-Feb-18 18:30:44

2 "shy" parents here, with a shy child. But our house is still pretty noisy, we just don't feel compelled to be the life and soul of every social situation. We are not anxious or unhappy, there is room in the world enough for shy people, so I don't see raising shy kids as a problem.

SinisterBumFacedCat Wed 21-Feb-18 18:34:41

Are all shy people anxious? No, no more than all confident people are narcissists. I've met plenty of loud people who suffer with anxiety.

VaguelyAware Wed 21-Feb-18 18:59:53

My mother was fairly introverted but not the anxious type when my sister & I were young. My dad wasn't present much, but has always been the quiet type. I am definitely an introvert, whereas my sister isn't.

MIL & FIL are extroverts, MIL much more so. DH is an extrovert but BIL is an extreme introvert.

My DH is an extrovert & I've massively increased in confidence since we met. DD is definitely an extrovert.

My sister is an extrovert, married an extrovert. Of their two DCs, they have one of each.

I suspect it's not as simple as it seems.

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