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blackmailing parent

(16 Posts)
Jojobibs2102 Mon 19-Feb-18 08:45:46

Hay guys just need a bit of advise!

My father has expressed his wishes to have my 10week old daughter christened which is fair enough he’s entailed to his day, but my Fiancé doesn’t want her christened and think she should decide when she gets old as Iam not fussed either way and my fiancé is so against it I respect his wishes which has anyone my dad who has now said that it is unfair on my daughter and if we don’t get her christened then there’s no point in us getting married if she’s not Christened and he said he won’t walk me down the ile and my farther in law will have to it’s breaks my heat I’m stuck in the middle I feel as I want to surport my fiancé but done want to upset my farther!

mimibunz Mon 19-Feb-18 08:51:45

You and your fiancé have a family now and it’s appropriate that you make decisions together and support each other. Your dad’s wishes should not factor in to your decisions about your life together or how you raise your child. Your dad sounds very controlling and unpleasant.

MigGril Mon 19-Feb-18 08:52:55

Do you go to church? And believe in everything that christening would entail?

If not then I think you should go with your fiance whish on this. I to think it should be a decision made by the person when they are old enough to understand.

It's a shame your dad is trying to hold you to ransom over it. Weddings don't have to be religious either if you don't want to.

Rhubarbginmum Mon 19-Feb-18 09:00:12

Is your father very religious or does he more want a fuss about his GC? He does sound quite controlling and my way or the highway type of person.
If the latter would a conpromise not be a naming ceremony?
Like you I am sat on the fence as was DH. We had our two christened and it was a nice thing to do. My MIL did pressurise us a little asking about when the christening was rather than if it was going to take place etc. We had DS christened at 3 months on DH’s 40th birthday. I was still the size of an elephant so for me it was a little too soon.

ClemDanfango Mon 19-Feb-18 09:02:15

It’s not up to your dad, he’s trying to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you in to doing it. That alone would put me off even entertaining the idea.
Do what you want as parents not what your dad is trying to force you to do by threat.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Mon 19-Feb-18 09:02:34

I would call his bluff on the walking down the aisle thing. While it is traditional and my father walked me down the aisle, it is a somewhat antiquated practice that a man has to give a woman away. You are not his possession to give to another man. I would say 'That's fine, I am my own person and I can walk myself.'

In terms of the christening you just need to think whether it is something that fits with your beliefs. The only other factor to (unfortunately) consider is whether being christened by a certain age will widen your choices of schools. I personally don't agree with faith schools but it is the system within which many of us live. Look at both primary and secondary, also consider whether you are likely to move.

Iloveacurry Mon 19-Feb-18 09:07:25

I am sorry but it’s got nothing to do with your father. It’s a joint decision between you and your partner.

happymumof4crazykids Mon 19-Feb-18 09:11:35

You are ambivalent about the Christening and you fiancé is against it. Your father has no say. If he is using your wedding to blackmail you into doing what he wants then he is not a very nice person. Tell him no. It is not his decision and he should have no input into what you decide for your child!!!

Jojobibs2102 Mon 19-Feb-18 09:31:43

Hi thank you everyone I was christened catholic and went to catholic school as my grandparents are catholic but my farther since they have both passed hasn’t been to church since and only goes at xmas. He had already ruffled feathers with my fiancé as he didn’t see his own granddaughter til two weeks after she was born coz he wanted the fuss to die down. He resents the fact that my other half rents are more involved with her and offer to help we’re as my rents only help when asked my sister has been supportive xx

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 19-Feb-18 09:46:08

I am an atheist and I will not get my daughter christened. My husbands family is Christian and tried to say to me 'oh but it won't hurt to get her christened, will it?' I felt annoyed by this because I do not believe in it myself and cannot rightly stand there and take part when I don't believe it.

It is not anyone else's choice but her own when she is big enough. If she then wants to be baptised then she can go for it and I'll support her 100%.

OutyMcOutface Mon 19-Feb-18 09:52:43

So don't get her christened. It's wrong to let your father bully you into this (if you let him do it once he will keep doing it) and it also terribly unchristian to christen a child (infant christenings were an invention of the Catholic Church whichin many ways was a bastardisation of the teachings of Jesus so there is absolutely no reason to do it).

lunar1 Mon 19-Feb-18 09:53:50

What do you mean by your father is entitled to his day?

Jojobibs2102 Mon 19-Feb-18 10:02:22

It should say say I was typing to fast sorry about that xx

EnglandKeepMyBones Mon 19-Feb-18 10:11:19

It's not up to your father. He doesn't have any say in this whatsoever. Your child is yours and your partners. You've already said you're ambivalent, which means your partner (who has an opinion on it) should get the deciding vote. If you and he were at odds about it, it would come down to negotiation, but you're not, so tell your father to drop it. He had his day when he had his kids.

DeadButDelicious Mon 19-Feb-18 10:46:48

He can say what he likes, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Both myself and my husband are staunch atheists and as such we haven't got our DD baptised/christened what have you. It would be hypocritical.

My Nan (who I loved dearly but my word she was hard work sometimes) pretty much railroaded my mum into having me christened, she even made my mum go to church after having me to get some 'churching of women' thing done, which as far as I'm aware was something to do with the mother being impure after birth and by that point (early 80's) was not really done anymore.

Threatening to not walk you down the aisle and generally being an arse isn't on. If that's how he wants things then he can crack on. It's your family and yours and your fiancé's decision.

Jojobibs2102 Mon 19-Feb-18 14:18:23

Thank you everyone for your opinion. We have decided stick to our guns as my farther is used to having control we will have to talk to him if it’s brought up again! X

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