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Is this normal.(21 Posts)
Just looking for a bit of advice re my son. I have a tendency to overthink things so thought I'd see what the wise mnetters think.
DS is 5 and a half and in reception. He's a bright child with great communication skills but sometimes I feel things aren't quite right.
He gets very angry, very quickly over the slightest thing, i.e. If he doesn't like what's for dinner or if a Lego model breaks slightly. He will growl and stamp his feet, throw a tantrum and occasionally hit myself or DH. I struggle with this because we're not an "angry" family. We don't smack, we use time outs or take away cartoon time at the end of the day. We're live comfortably so whilst he doesn't get everything he wants he certainly isn't neglected in anyway. He gets trips away etc. I'm not trying to make us sound perfect, we're not, but I just don't understand where all his anger comes from given his background.
He hates loud noise. I can't ever use a handdryer or my mixer around him, he puts his fingers in his ears and shouts till it stops.
He had eczema as a baby / toddler which cleared up but he's always complaining of being itchy.
He fidgets constantly. He never stops moving but at the same time hates sports. He refuses to learn to ride a bike, struggles with balance beams even if they are on the floor, and is really, really, really slow coming down stairs.
He talks or makes random noises all the time. The only thing that seems to stop that (because i do mean all the time and it's exhausting) is if we put music or audiobooks on.
His attention span is pretty good and he's like a sponge in how well he remembers things. He's ahead of others in his class in reading and maths.
Friendship wise he tends to latch onto one child and form a tight bond with them. He isn't a social butterfly and he doesn't like it when he gets lots of kids following him around (which seems to happen a lot ,his teacher said he's a leader type).
Does he seem normal to you?
I'd get him checked out at the GP just to be on the safe side.
Thanks. I guess I'm worried I would be wasting the GP's time if this is normal 5 year old stuff?
Have you asked the teacher? They have a wealth of experience of all types of children, so will soon give you some answers. Out of curiosity, is there a reason he is in reception rather than year 1?
He's not quite 5 and a half, I was rounding up. He's an early September baby.
I haven't had much chance to talk to his teacher, just briefly in the morning at drop off and she always says he's doing well.
Sounds fairly normal, my DS is the same. Try this website for hints and tips.
Ah ok! A lot of what you say sounds very normal to me. My DS is just about to turn 6 and we had a lot of these anger issues, constant energy and talking, social issues trying to work out how School works etc last year. He’s also not especially physical and sticks with a handful of friends. But I just think each child is different. He really settled down in yr 1. I still say it’s worth speaking to the teacher
Ask for a referral to occupational therapy, sounds like sensory issues.
We has the anger issues, especially when ds started school. Now he's almost 7 and it's seems to be phasing out but tends to flare up.at the start of term. The other things you mentioned also sound within the realms of normal, though the noise making and balance issues may not be if they continue over the next year or so.
Thanks Hastalapasta I'll take a look.
Thanks mnahmnah that is reassuring to hear.
And thanks Whydididothatfucking
I would ask the teacher.Be honest tell them your concerns.One of my son's was like this.To be honest I completely ignored the tantrums.I remember once bringing him through a packed resturant roaring his lungs out and I hissed at onlookers...it's just a bloody tantrum he used to talk himself all the time!! He is the most placid child now.I did bring him to see someone who told me he was a perfectionist and was getting stressed.
I nearly dropped off my chair.I was stressed i thought not him!!anyway up shot was that every night i set a clock and played soley with him for exactly 5 mins.He still remembers now and he's 14.It really worked.He would look forward to that time and chat to me.them he just grew out of tantrums. Best of luck.x
Thanks fabulousfrumpyfeet DS has always been highly strung but the anger has intensified significantly since starting school so maybe it is related to that.
Thanks Catkins0877 I like the idea of setting an alarm clock for a set special time.
Have you already eliminated sleep issues bullying etc? I dont want to worry you but a lot of that sounds like asd type behaviour or maybe just sensory issues which any child could have but not necessarily be on the spectrum. red flags for me = balance issues, reactions to sounds, fidgeting/noisemaking (for asd children this is called stimming which is self soothing behaviour-often repetitive always quite annoying . The thing with the stairs may be something to do with his peripheral vision- either difficulty focusing on the steps because he is only seeing around them or focusing only on the steps and not able to notice outside of that e.g the wall or bannisters. TBH im just figuring this vision thing out as i have repeatedly gone to optician with my son's complaints about blurring edges, just discovered it's an occupational therapist who will help us with that.) All you can do at home regarding his behaviour is to continue reinforcing good behaviour, stick to your boundaries and If he seems to be reacting to something in his environment (if you can) remove him to a quiet space, if he appears distressed also provide a distraction. To me your sons behaviour seems very similar to my ds1 who is on the spectrum. You sound like you are doing all the right things. The techniques you mention work on most children whether they are on the spectrum or not. So it's nothing you're doing wrong so don't let g.p tell you that! If he is on the spectrum you will have to learn to spot the triggers and either avoid or prepare distraction in advance (which from your post I can see you're tuned into him very well already)
Another thing you can do is to look up 'social stories' (again good for any child)
This next idea may seem odd but if you and dc can try to view the time outs as just a time to rest instead of a punishment he may realise he needs time to calm himself down, maybe he can have some pencils and paper or a squishy toy.
when he does something really awful then perhaps a visual representation of losing his privileges might work better? And if you dont already add time for excellent behaviour? You could use cards for example you shared your toy with X you've now got a red card which is + 5 mins at the park. Or you hit X so you've now got a blue card which will mean -5 minutes t.v time. It should remind your dc that he is responsible for his behaviour.
Please go to your g.p and see what they think. Its worth keeping a diary of sleep pattern behaviour before after school eating habits and how and when his behaviour changes to take with you.
Ok I've just gone back and re-read your OP again. I'm sorry I overlooked his age and fact that he's just started reception (I though i read that he was 7 dont know where i got that...He is probably extremely overwhelmed and completely knackered with the school stuff...sorry if I caused any unnecessary worry Fitzsimmons What with all the new changes a lot of his behaviour seems 'normal' at his age. Xx
Thanks IlikemyTeahot I think what I'm taking away from you and other posters is that I shouldn't worry too much just yet, and that it's likely to be related to his age and starting school. I guess if I don't see an improvement in the next year i need to act. Your tips on managing his behaviour are nevertheless helpful anyway, thank you.
It's worth getting a referral to paediatrician to rule out autism
Hi Fitzsimmons Hopefully we haven't given you too much to think about. A lot of behaviours can resemble certain conditions. But its always wise to rule it out. However a single appointment is not much time to explain everything. Perhaps for now keeping a diary may reveal what's going on and If you don't find anything unusual within 3-4 weeks book that appointment and leave a copy of your diary with g.p (include eating & sleeping habits- everything!) perhaps go while dc is at school so you can speak freely, there's really no need to take kids to initial appointments as the more you can tell the g.p the better. You might find it difficult to go into detail in front of dc. The g.p will usually send you home with a questionnaire while you wait for an appt with a paediatrician. Xx
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