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Please tell me it gets easier

(19 Posts)
abstractblueish Tue 13-Feb-18 16:13:32

My DS is 1 week old. I never anticipated that things would be this hard. I didn’t get any sleep last night aside from an hour this morning.

He feeds well but falls asleep at boob and won’t be put down.

My husband desperately wants to help but can’t because I’m bf.

Please tell me it gets easier. Why did I do this?

Kittysparks1 Tue 13-Feb-18 19:06:45

Please do not panic it does, I repeat, it does get easier.
Don't forget combined with sleep deprivation, the baby blues happen about now so it can all feel too much.
If you are anything like me you will cry a lot in the next few weeks.
It's fucking hard. So so so hard.
But as each day passes it gets easier. Try to make it through each hour at this early stage.
I think the longest I went was 72 hours with no sleep, I was a mess. I had no idea it was going to be so miserable.
But my baby is now 6 months old and honestly once you get to this stage you will look back (weep a little inside as you remember how ruined you felt) and feel so proud you did it. And you will do it. Day by day.
I've got no practical advice I'm afraid, just here to let you know I felt like you and it gets better. The first few months are survival only. Sending hugs (and congrats on your baby!) xx

snackarella Tue 13-Feb-18 19:09:09

I promise you it change. And each change had it last difficulties - but you will get through it xx

snackarella Tue 13-Feb-18 19:09:39

Sorry that didn't make much sense. Every stage and phase is difficult in a different way. Hang on in there xx

Callamia Tue 13-Feb-18 19:10:26

Great news! Your husband can help! He can do literally everything else while you lie on the sofa/bed/floor whatever and have copious amounts of tea and toast brought to you.

I know, it’s astonishingly tiring and full-on, but it’s going to be ok. Hug that baby, feed him up and rest. You might not get a lot of sleep, but that will start to improve. Just remember to rest. Never mind about anything else - there’s time for that wine you’re not exhausted.

homtardy Tue 13-Feb-18 19:10:59

It definitely gets easier, OP. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed with my first DS. I think me and DH sleepwalked through the first 12 weeks with him. You will sleep again one day. This will pass. Try to be kind to yourself in the meantime flowers

Shmithecat Tue 13-Feb-18 19:11:20

Co sleeping is your friend. At 1 week old they don't want to be put down. Google the 4th trimester.

QueenNefertitty Tue 13-Feb-18 19:12:39

Maybe consider cosleeping safely.
It is infinitely better to plan to cosleep, and make the bed safe, than it is to accidentally through sheer exhaustion.

flowers and congrats on your little one

FogCutter Tue 13-Feb-18 19:14:35

Oh God your post brought back so many memories of those early days with a newborn.

I promise you, it will get better!

Here's the plan:
Do not set yourself any goals (like going out at a certain time) as you will not achieve them.
You deal with baby, DP deals with everything else.
Get a sling
Do whatever you need to do to maximise your sleep and rest, this may include co-sleeping (saved my sanity).
Read up on the 4th trimester.

Mrsjellybum Tue 13-Feb-18 19:15:29

It DOES get easier
It DOES get easier
It DOES get easier

It really does.

The zombie, haggard, I can't cope I feel like I want to die phase soon goes away I promise.

Look after yourself. Doze on the chair when u can even if it's for 5 mins. Eat well drink water and breath

Neonlights91 Tue 13-Feb-18 19:26:44

It does get so much easier. I remember living ‘hour to hour’ at that age. I won’t lie... it might not be until 6 weeks or so... but time will pass quickly.
Congrats on BFing, that’s hard in itself, and congrats on your baby.
I posted a similar post when mine was 3 weeks and the encouraging replies kept me going for weeks.
Feel free to PM it you want to chat... I’m not an expert but i do know what you’re going through flowers

Neonlights91 Tue 13-Feb-18 19:28:43

& Fog cutter gives brill advice ... sling, fourth trimester & co-sleep (massively suggest chicco next to me) xxx

juliascurr Tue 13-Feb-18 19:39:06

mixed feeding where you bf in day and dp bottle feeds at night does work. Your milk supply does not dry up. Your partner bonds with your baby. You get some sleep. Exclusive bf til age 2 is recommended in areas with no clean water. it's one option; other women have successfully done exclusive bf, co-sleeping, sling and will help you do that if you want to. Whichever you choose will work out and you wwill get help if you want it. Basically my message is - it's your choice, people will tell you you're doing it wrong whatevr you do. You're not. Ignore them. It will get easier. Don't panic

Yogagirl123 Tue 13-Feb-18 19:50:24

Many congrats OP. It does get easier, it’s very early days. Sleep deprivation is very tough I know. Take any help you can get. I agree totally with PP, I often gave my DS a bottle at night when I was just too tired/sore to feed it helped me to rest and recover to start BF again in the morning, it can work don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck.

Rarotonga Tue 13-Feb-18 20:41:35

It definitely gets easier. It is such a shock to the system and the sleep deprivation is horrid.

My tips are similar to those above. Sling, co-sleep (safely), baby swing (to use briefly whilst you shower or eat dinner), or dinners you can eat one handed (risotto worked well).

Plenty of water.

Sleep when baby sleeps, or at least rest your eyes, lie down etc.

Congratulations xx

affectionincoldclimate Wed 14-Feb-18 00:24:23

Oh love. My heart goes out to you. I remember that time well. I had a very long labour and gave birth at 5 am and felt incredibly reenergised so didn't go to bed until the evening and then DD woke up and started to cry. I remember the shock of it: Hold on Baby! I've just given birth to you. I need to sleep FFS!

A week in I was feeling like you.

Co sleeping is safe if you do it well. Flat firm surface cleared of bedding. Baby fed on the side lying down - if she feeds well she should latch on. Move away slowly as she falls asleep next to you making sure there is plenty of space around her. You get a duvet around you and get a shut eye.
Chico next to me which I had was a life saver as allowed me to do that moving away straight into her own space
Husband to cook and clean and bring you drinks and food and to batch cook and freeze some simple meals.
When he's around, send him out for a walk with Baby wrapped up warm and you sleep for 2 hours till next feed.
Evening feed can be formula which is when you sleep and you feed again at night to establish BFing. Milk is being made between 1-6 am - nature's joke on us which is why some babies get active st night. They can smell it and know it's all happening.
I used to watch boxsets at night when feeding. Something you like and would like to see again is perfect. I rewatched entire series of Mad Men.
If you can get your parents/ILs over if they are sensible people. Send DH out with them and Baby for couple of hours and you can sleep and have time to yourself.
And it does get easier. And more delightful. I wasn't a fan of the tiny baby phase but DD is 10 m and an absolute hoot. Love her more ever day if that's possible. Hang in there! You got this!

abstractblueish Wed 14-Feb-18 04:21:44

Thank you everyone flowers

Achafi Wed 14-Feb-18 04:38:20

The first but is the hardest. I remember crying and thinking I had made a mistake. But I got my dh to wear my ds in a sling so I could sleep. When he went back to work my dm came to stay and she did everything, the cooking, cleaning, laundry. For the first time ever I had to ask for and accept help. Hard but necessary. You are doing a really hard job establishing breastfeeding. Well done.

mommybear1 Wed 14-Feb-18 05:14:11

It does get easier honestly thanks I found the first 12 weeks the hardest. The above advice is great I would only add get a thermos mug so you can finally have hot drinks again and please don't expect anything more of yourself than you are currently doing- you're doing a fabulous job xx

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