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4 week old- struggling!

(6 Posts)
Ljpoz Mon 12-Feb-18 17:34:03

My little girl is 4 and a half weeks and I love her to pieces but I feel I am struggling.

OH has gone back to work now and I get a sinking feeling when he leaves us that I am alone until 7pm. I am fine if I have plans but realistically some days I don't and this is when I struggle emotionally. The afternoons are the worst because DD is at her most unsettled and I never feel I know what to do (we are BF and she seems to be on and off most of the early evening until bedtime).

I insist I OH sleeps in another room as he has work but realistically it means I am all alone in the night which gets really lonely in the hours of feeding.

I am not even sure what advice I need. I just feel so guilty for not living every minute and for finding it so hard. I want to love every minute but sometimes I feel so clueless and lonely.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Marcine Mon 12-Feb-18 17:54:34

When she just wants to feed on and off, she set yourself up in bed or on the sofa with drinks and snacks and do some Netflix binge watching!
Even better learn to feed lying down, then you can doze through night feeds.

Dancinggoat Mon 12-Feb-18 18:03:13

It's ok and completely normal to feel lonely and a bit down. She's only little and this is a huge change in your life.
It might be worth having a chat to your health visitor. She may be a reassuring sounding board or if you've got a touch of post natal depression she'll spot it and help with that too.
Talk to your H. He may not realise you need more support in the evening and at night. May be he does every other night during the week with you to break it up.
Be kind to yourself. You're doing really well.
Congratulations on your little one.

GreenEyedGirl01 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:11:20

I’m a few weeks behind you with a nearly three week old - and I know exactly how you feel, you are definitely not alone.

I’ve managed to make plans most days so far, even if just for an hour or so. On the days I haven’t had visitors, I’ve made sure I get out for a walk and find it massively helps. Do you have a sling? I find popping baby in the carrier and doing things around the house or going for a walk helps settle my son in the afternoons.

Don’t have much advice on the cluster feeding, it’s so draining so can only offer solidarity and say again you are not alone! Feeding lying down definitely helps as I get some rest (although doesn’t help with the colickiness or successfully getting him to sleep in his own bed, but I guess you pick your battles!)

muststoplurking Mon 12-Feb-18 19:40:22

I remember how difficult the time that you are talking about was when my first one was that age and also how much of a lifeline these discussions here were. It gets better and easier but it was so so so hard at first for me. The loneliness mostly. I went to groups but only managed chit chat and no real friendships developed despite my best efforts. My dh helped loads at the weekends, but the week is a long time I found by myself with a baby. I liked to find 'when it will get better' comments, so I'll just add, I found my outlook beginning to improve at 6 months, by 1 year i was less exhausted and stressed. I found it much much better when my second was born when dc1 was 16mo because (a bit backward I know) I was too exhausted to go out, eat mega healthy, 'stimulate' dc brain development, etc etc. Basically all the things I'd put pressure on myself to do with dc1. i know it seems like a rediculously long time away but things will improve. I could have written your post 1000 times over, my children are in school and preschool now and I can honestly say it was all worth it. Hang in there.

user1494270143 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:04:40

Completely understand how you feel. I’m a single mum to my 7 week old. My mum had a couple weeks off at first to help me out with the baby, but when she went back to work I was dreading. The nights I found the worse like you said, it is very lonely as you’re exhausted and you’re trying to stay awake with no one to talk to! It is daunting, but honestly it does get easier. My son is only 7 weeks old and I’ve noticed a massive difference between myself from when he was 4 weeks to now. I’m more confident going out on my own, and I’ve accepted my new life with my newborn, and quite frankly I’m loving it even though it’s bloody hard and some days it gets to 4pm and I’ve not eaten haha!

Speak to your health visitor about how you’re feeling, she can offer support. Just know it’s completelt normal, you are doing a fabulous job. It’s normal not to feel so in love and happy all of the time! You’ve just gone through a massive life change and it takes a while to adjust, some people adjust straight away, some don’t for years. Just don’t be afraid to speak out, be honest with how you feel. You will get through the hard times, just think of all the positive times to come. 😊xx

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