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Is it normal to find things so hard?

(35 Posts)
Chosenbyyou Sat 10-Feb-18 16:58:40


I feel like I'm just finding things really hard and struggle to enjoy parenting at all at the mo. I think what is bothering me is that 'on paper' I should be fine and am lucky to have what I have?

I have a 3yo and a 10mo. I work four days a week and once I have struggled to get there I enjoy my work.

I struggle on my three days - I'm normally on my own as DH works shifts as a doctor. He has them one as a week on his own and finds it hard.

They are not badly behaved just constant all day. The 10mo doesnt sleep well at the mo - mixture of teething and cold which has been going on for exactly two months (2 teeth). He is grumpy in the day and I am struggling to get him to nap - two 30 min naps since up at 5.30. He is normally better or has been.

We go out everyday and meet people.

I go to bed every night between 8 and 9 and have lost all social life and interests. I am doing a course which I started pre DC and that is all I do except work, kids, chores and get in and out of my bed all night.

Sorry turned into a moan but I'm not sure how people can enjoy this it just feels a slog to me?

Any advice or just suck it up??! smile xx

Quorafun Sat 10-Feb-18 17:04:53

Parenting is hard.

Thats it. No further advice. It gets easier, then it gets harder again, then easier, then harder. There is no magical end in sight because even when your kids are adults, you still worry about them. Its just hard, and anyone who thinks it isn't, is deluding themselves

Chosenbyyou Sat 10-Feb-18 17:13:06

Thank you. To be honest that is what I need to hear sad

I completely went into it thinking things would good most of the time but it seems the other way around. I also completely underestimated how hard two would be,

I always wanted three which is now laughable!! smile

unlurk85 Sat 10-Feb-18 17:24:29

I have a 11m old and a 4yo and I agree it very often just feels like a daily treadmill that I can't get off. My DH is very much a co-parent and the 4yo is in childcare 3days a week and it's still tough. No advice I'm afraid, just me agreeing it's tough. We had a little fantasy about having 3 too but now I know we're definitely DONE!

mumvkidz Sat 10-Feb-18 17:30:03

As Quorafun said, it will get easier as they get older so just hang in there. My two are 4 and 6. Some days, I want to rip my hair out as all they do is fight but on the other hand, I can leave them both to get on with things while I shower quickly etc.

Just hand in there

mumvkidz Sat 10-Feb-18 17:31:27


user1499786242 Sat 10-Feb-18 17:40:25

I repeat you are not alone

But people don't talk about this shit... no one breaks down at babygroups
Or when you meet 'mummy' friends everyone puts on a smile and acts like life is just dandy I know I do anyway
But it's fucking hard but no one will admit it
(Well not in my experience)

Add to that the pressures of social media etc it can feel like we are the only ones who are just about keeping our heads above the water!
No advice as I'm struggling at the moment but hang in there and 'this too shall pass'

Chosenbyyou Sat 10-Feb-18 17:59:04

Thanks I appreciate your replies.

User and unlurk - means a lot! I do feel like it's me and I should get more enjoyment but I'm flat out trying to keep up with their needs! Lots of people said to me oh you must be gutted going back to work but I am really really not which makes me feel guilty! Funny DH never got asked this and doesn't feel guilty at all!

Thanks mum v - I would love a day shower ( I shower as quickly as poss just before bed) one day this will be me! X

graysor Sat 10-Feb-18 19:18:48

Same here, though I only have 1 dd (another on the way, which I'm frankly terrified about ).

I work 4 days a week. The hour commute sitting on the train is the best part of my week. Peace and quiet, and sometimes I even read a book.

I feel like I'm on a pointless treadmill. I have no energy to pursue any of my interests. I too squeeze in a super quick shower before bed, as the only possible opportunity. And I resent that it delays my bedtime by 20 mins! I'm in bed by 9pm every day.

I guess it will get better in time. But it's just so relentless.

yummyeclair Sat 10-Feb-18 19:29:40

Just to say I agree with you and PP - shock to my system but does get more fun with rubbish times getting less. I found a kindle a lifesaver and just had to decide not to do things. Like you went to bed at 8pm as had them 14 months apart with teething etc I was cream crackered. I agree why nobody tells you how like a treadmill it is I don't know as in the end I came off social media because I felt I was a useless mum . Though luckily one friend became my cheerleader and kept me going. So hang in there and don't try to do or be everything and find something to do in 5 minute slits that isn't child related - I learnt Spanish which gave me my sanity back as DS1 started to copy me speaking Spanish! You have nothing to feel guilty about!!

Love51 Sat 10-Feb-18 19:34:15

It goes in phases. The hard phases feel eternal, the good phases feel transitory. If you don't like a phases, don't worry, another one will be along next month. If you do like a phase, make the most of it... Another one will be along next month.
They get easier I think (until teens, apparently, but I'm not there yet!)

crazymumofthree Sun 11-Feb-18 08:18:19

I have three and I must admit I found going from 1-2 the hardest! Mine are now 8,6 and 4 and just a year will make a big difference to your life now.

Having children is tough, tiring and constant but the older they get the easier it gets as the less they need you to help them.

Could you consider getting some help in? A cleaner? Babysitter for an evening each month so you and OH get some time for yourselves to get out and do things and break the cycle. I can't afford a cleaner but we are lucky to have family nearby, we don't tend to ask them for childcare too much if we can help it but PIL have offered to have the children next week to make pancakes while we go to the cinema (their treat bless them) and it's much needed (we are going through a bit of a crappy time atm)

It's not wrong to hate the normality and routine of daily life but try not to get hung up on the negatives and take it easy on yourself xx

WhatsGoingOnEh Sun 11-Feb-18 08:26:55

I could've written your post a few years ago. Parenting was the hardest thing I'd ever ever done when my kids were little.

Now they're older - oldest is 14, youngest is 10 - it's AMAZING. We are a proper family and being with the kids is so much fun.

But the early years are incredibly hard. Please cling on until the school years - everything gets so much easier then.

Also, can you work on the sleeping? She gets slated on here but Gina Ford's routines worked like magic on my two. I couldn't have coped at all if they weren't great sleepers.

The Contented Little Baby Book of Sleep will save your sanity.

Snoopyokay Sun 11-Feb-18 08:34:31

I find it hard and I only have one. I'm constantly knackered and chasing my tail! This week I didn't wash my hair for 5 days as I didn't get the chance!

Kerry111 Sun 11-Feb-18 08:43:57

I feel the same OP. I'm a Sahm but I'd love to go to work a few days a week. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and find it really hard. My youngest just started nursery and oldest is at school so I was planning on looking for work but youngest has been sick the last 5 weeks with various bugs so I don't know how I can do it. I hate the drudgery. I find the days monotonous. I have no interests of my own or time to do them and I go to bed at 8pm too! My kids are my world and of course I love them more than anything but sometimes I just want a time out. I've been laid up poorly recently and i haven't missed the drudgery at all. I think we're both normal.

When I look at my 4 year old she's much easier than the 1 year old so I know it will get easier in time.

lornathewizzard Sun 11-Feb-18 08:46:06

Yep it's hard. Though my 2 are 3.5 and 18months and I'm enjoying it loads more than a year ago. DD is settled at nursery , DS getting more able to communicate and do things himself etc. But yes it's still bloody hard
Oh and there's still plenty of real life social media stuff, no need to follow the perfect nonsense

Kerry111 Sun 11-Feb-18 08:46:16

I should add my 1 year old doesn't sleep in the day unless we're in the car and hasn't done for months. That makes a huge difference I think as there's no time to get anything done. He's one of those climbers that you can't take your eyes off.

babybobobear Sun 11-Feb-18 08:47:15

I found it got easier as my DC got older and then harder again, now at 11 finding it very difficult at the moment!!

NotSoSureX Sun 11-Feb-18 09:00:08

Feels like this is our life. Except that I am the doctor who works shifts and my husband s hours are silly.
Now that the little one is 15monts, it's getting easier in a way that he sleeps for longer stretches at night and eats our food. The older one is getting out of the phase "why they crying baby getting so much attention, I want some of the that".
We are resuming social life. We decided ity easier to invite people over or get a babysitter.
One piece of advice, find a routine that works for you and your family, it does help. Good luck !!

Chosenbyyou Sun 11-Feb-18 10:21:07

Aww thank you for your responses I do appreciate it! I just need to keep on slogging on from the sounds and one day it should ease off then get harder again lol!

Luckily we have a cleaner otherwise I don't see even two minutes when we could do this!

Notso - funny that you are so similar but a few months further on! I take my hat off to doctors who are also parents and other shift workers too - it is so hard.

I should look into learning Spanish - really good idea!

I'm not looking forward to the teenage bit either lol!

Thanks again - really makes me feel more normal. smile


yummyeclair Sun 11-Feb-18 10:36:14

I chose Spanish because it is really easy to learn in terms of pronunciation and lot's of words similar to English. Good luck but it really took my mind of the monotony and the kids loved watching the videos in Spanish too!

melonribenia Sun 11-Feb-18 12:24:56

Mine are 5.5 and 18 months. I work 3 days plus evening work. It's hard!!

Everyone makes out it's great and it is, but it's also not!!!

halfwitpicker Sun 11-Feb-18 16:11:50

Same here. DS is 4, DD 1.

It's fucking relentless. Feeding, changing, playing, cleaning, washing, etc etc ad nauseum.

I'm in bed by 9 every night and most of the time can't think straight. I go to work for a break and I'm not even kidding. 45 minutes commute on the train with coffee is bliss.

auberginesandcourgettes Sun 11-Feb-18 22:09:12

I'm the same OP (see my recent thread about my awful day the other day). I have a 3.5 year old and a 4 month old and day-to-day I can normally cope, although without much in reserve. But if anything extra comes up, eg. in laws visiting/3 year old acting out/illnesses etc, then I struggle and sometimes end up in tears. It's like I'm running at about 90% capacity on a normal day, and anything extra that gets thrown at me just sends me over the edge.

auberginesandcourgettes Sun 11-Feb-18 22:11:37

I feel bad as well because DD is only 4 months and is lovely and smiley at the moment, but I don't get enough time to enjoy/appreciate it.

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