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3 year old toilet issues - denying it

(2 Posts)
Buglife Fri 09-Feb-18 17:22:07

My 3.5 year old DS has been toilet training since last June. He’s not really been gray and we’ve had some issues, he’s generally ok but he has some problems which I can’t seem to resolve and I really want to.
He is reluctant to use the toilet for poo. He will go if he is at home and not wearing any pants, as he knows he has to I suppose, he wouldn’t pop on the floor! He seems fine with it when that happens and is happy and proud. But, if he is clothed and needs a poo he will quite often soil his pants a bit. We’ve mainly not had a huge problem with the issue recently as he tends to poo first thing in the morning in his nappy when he wakes (he is not dry at night) and then won’t need to go all day.
When he does soil himself he denies it strenuously and gets very upset. This has been flagged up by nursery who have done everything to support him, they talk to him about how he can always ask them for help, they’ll help him and stay with him. When he pops and they ask him and take him to clean him up he gets upset and will still claim he hasn’t pooed, and refuse to engage when they try to talk to him about it. He’s also like this with us at home, he hates talking about it. But then nothing we try gets through to him. He is very reluctant to do much towards self care such as trying to pull pants and trouser up and down, making sure he uses the loo etc. He holds wee for ages some days and has to be made to go and then some days he’s happy to say he needs one. I don’t know if it’s fear or laziness or something else. But nursery have said they want us to work on his independence and while he is happy there and has good relationships with the children and friends, and he’s attaining all expected levels in development he will not engage with the staff regarding his needs and emotions. I am going to encourage him to do more at home but the toilet issues have us stumped. The more we talk about it the more upset he gets but if we leave it he continues to occasionally soil himself and seemingly convinced that we or the nursery staff won’t know! I suppose I want to know how can I encourage him to be open about needing the loo and ask for help. And how can I make him realise it isn’t right to poo in pants, they aren’t a nappy, without making him upset? I worry he’s not saying anything because he is embarrassed. Other children notice when he does and I don’t want it going on in Reception (late summer baby so he starts in September when he’s just 4)

DesignedForLife Sat 10-Feb-18 22:10:24

No advice but we've got the exact same problem with our 3.5 year old. But they are fiercely independent in all other matters.

Has he had any constipation?

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