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What are your thoughts on multi generational living?

(13 Posts)
Honeybee125 Fri 09-Feb-18 12:47:57

I’m 30 with a ds aged 8 months back living at home with my parents. I moved back when I was 3 months pregnant after being beaten and abused by my boyfriend for 2 years, I’ve suffered with anxiety since having ds and spend all day inside with him where I’m safe and happy. But I have to move on and have decided to go back to work. Now what I’m struggling with is where to live, my parents house is in a village with maybe 70 other houses, a school, pub and 1 shop it’s a proper little community and I feel very comfortable. The house has 2 lounges one of which we use as a sort of play room for ds so my parents don’t have to have his toys all over the living room, we all sit together in the evening, my brother also lives in the same village with his wife. If I want my own place it will have to be in the next town 30 mins away, I also don’t know how I’d feel about being on my own. My parents want me to stay with them, my mums 68 and retired last year and doesn’t know what to do with herself and wants to help me with childcare when I’m at work but I think the longer I stay the harder I’ll find it to ever leave. I don’t know If I ever want to be in another relationship but I certainly don’t ever want to live with another man, anyone got any experience of long term multi generational living, thoughts of what I should do?
Please no hate, I have nc for this. Also I do pay rent and help my parents with cooking, cleaning and washing. This is not about me getting something for nothing.

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 09-Feb-18 12:55:21

Not personally got experience but a couple of friends do this and it works really well for them - older generation have company when they want it, rather than getting lonely rattling round in a house they struggle to look after, everyone saves a bit of money on bills, rent/ mortgage payments etc, you can look after and help each other out. Very common in other cultures. Used to be much more commonplace here in the UK, and with housing being so unaffordable for many people in their 20s and 30s now, I can see this becoming the solution for many young families. As long as you get on well with your parents and it suits them too, go for it!

Snowydaysarehere Fri 09-Feb-18 13:01:25

Left home at 17 and wild unicorns wouldn't get me a foot back in the door!! But if you feel you have enough personal space - physically and mentally - to stay then good on you!!

PushMyButton Fri 09-Feb-18 13:10:03

I left home very very happily in my teens, lol, but now live with my kids and my parents very happily. We also tried to find somewhere big enough for my grandparents too but it just wasn't possible.

user1andonly Fri 09-Feb-18 13:18:48

I don't think you need to worry about moving out just yet. It sounds like the situation genuinely suits everyone and, I'm sure, if you were my DD, I'd be so glad you were out of that abusive relationship, I'd want you to stay where you felt safe and comfortable.

You might find, as your son gets older, that you do want your own place and that will be fine too. I'm guessing you are relatively young. I don't think I would have enjoyed living on my own with a baby when I was in my twenties but now, in my late forties, I'd really struggle to live with my parents, so I don't think it will necessarily follow that the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.

If you were my DD, I'd be suggesting you stay put for now but start saving as much as you can to give you more options if you do decide to move out at some point.

Personally, while I'd be fine living with a baby grandchild, a toddler might prove more of a challenge so be prepared to review the situation as he grows.

overmydeadbody Fri 09-Feb-18 13:33:01

I think it can work really well if everyone is happy with the arrangement.

overmydeadbody Fri 09-Feb-18 13:33:48

If my children are ever in your situation I'd be happy for them to live with me.

FeedtheTree Fri 09-Feb-18 13:38:19

I think it's absolutely brilliant if it's what everyone wants. Don't worry what other people think. If you're out working, supporting yoru family and yoru mum is helping raise your DC then you are standing on yoru own two feet. Loads of people these days still live with their families because the cost of housing is so ridiculously high. Hope it works out well for you.

FeedtheTree Fri 09-Feb-18 13:39:18

your, your and your, not yoru. Sorry - lousy typing!

Snoopyokay Fri 09-Feb-18 14:50:42

I think your situation sounds fine and after everything you've been through a little bit of stability for a while is no bad thing. It sounds like you all get on and you're not taking advantage of your parents either.

Agree maybe start saving for the future if you can as you might find that you want to move eventually as you gain more confidence.

DN4GeekinDerby Fri 09-Feb-18 15:19:11

I think your arrangement sounds lovely. I haven't done so as an adult though I do live with a good older friend along with my spouse and having that extra pair of hands and ears has been a blessing, but I did as a child. I lived with my mother and grandparents for part of my childhood and it was the best time I had and I think it did wonders for my mother as she started to recover from a lot of the shit my father put her through. I only wish it could have lasted longer, I think pride and the push to become 'independent again' made my mother leave too soon. There is plenty of time for that.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 09-Feb-18 15:31:22

We so often see threads from mothers whose daughters are in similar relationships to the one you were in, and their love and desire to help their daughters is so strong... Often they can't help because the daughter is not yet in the position to leave the relationship and you can hear their hearts breaking as they post.

You have left your abuser and your family are willing and able to help and support you. That is a truly beautiful, beautiful thing. There will come a point when you're ready to leave (and you should keep working towards that) but for the moment, stay.

(I have a DF who lives in a similar setup though for different reasons and it suits her just fine. Having a separate living space seems to be key).

Rach000 Fri 09-Feb-18 21:43:07

I think you should stay, sounds lovely. Your child might as well be with grandparents while you work and would be difficult to do drop offs etc living further away. I don't think there is anything wrong with living with parents you can save up and move on when your ds is older and you are more confident.

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