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Honest answers

(26 Posts)
mummyof288 Fri 09-Feb-18 02:47:09

How much of your husbands/partners free time do they contribute to helping look after the baby.
I.e not at work.

Honest answers only please I am wanting to see if my Expectations are too high or if we still live in a era where men think it mostly the woman's job to do most of the care for the baby.

IHaveACuntingPlan Fri 09-Feb-18 03:58:15

It was more or less 50/50 for us. We took turns during the night and for weekend lay-ins. We gave each other 'time off' whenever it was wanted or needed. We did a child each when getting them ready for bed. It's still pretty much the same pattern now the dc are 5&6.

Neonlights91 Fri 09-Feb-18 04:15:16

Most evenings and days off he will take her for an hour so I can be independent and I will take her for an hour so he can chill. Generally other than that we are together.

Jellybean2017 Fri 09-Feb-18 04:44:34

I do all nights and DH is in spare room. DH gets DS ready for bed though. But apart from that if DH is home it's 50/50. On days off he takes DS for a walk or they play or read stories in the living room while I sleep in bed for a few hours. Also DH does all washing up and housework in evening after me and DS go to bed. He usually has an hour or so to himself before bed. He ways comes to help if DS is screaming in the night but if it's just normal feeding, changing or resettling I do it. DS is six months and I'm breastfeeding.

Meepmoop Fri 09-Feb-18 05:13:32

I mainly do all night wake ups as I breastfeed and he has to get up for work early (4.30am) or is on night shift. He will sometimes try to settle DS though if I'm asleep and he's awake.

It's usually 50/50 if he's home as he'll play with him or change him. We do bath night together and he will get him ready for bed after so I just have to feed him and settle.

If I want to do something at the weekend he will look after DS so I have free time and if he wants to do something I look after DS. This weekend Saturday he's going to London to watch football and Sunday I'm going out for lunch and wedding dress shopping for a friends dress

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Fri 09-Feb-18 05:55:33

I'm a SAHM so I do all wake ups in the night. Ds2 wakes early so dh tends to take him downstairs with him when he gets up for work so I can sleep for an extra 30 mins. He does night feeds both weekend nights and we take a day each for a lie in.

Dh does bath time when he gets in, while I run around getting stuff ready/cleaning up.

I tend to prepare the food for dinner during the day, he tends to cook it.

I do all the cleaning and laundry. He irons his clothes (I only iron bedding).

At the weekend he's more than happy for me to go out solo. Don't do this every week but regularly. Otherwise we parent together on a weekend but it very much is together. I don't feel he tries to get out of it or does the old 'just-going-to-do-this-job-in-the-garage-which-needlessly-will-take-3-hours trick that I see some other fathers in our circle doing.

I'm sorry if you're feeling unsupported.

eurochick Fri 09-Feb-18 06:23:12

We both work full time. We do 50/50 childcare outside of work time.

RoryAndLogan Fri 09-Feb-18 06:26:54

From the moment he walks in the door at 6pm to when he leaves at 7.45am, it's completely 50/50. Same for weekends. Everything other than feeding as baby is still breastfed.
Actually it's probably more like 75/25 on the weekends as he tries to do as much as he possibly can to give me a break.

Phillipa12 Fri 09-Feb-18 06:35:19

This thread makes me realise how little interest my exdh actually had with our 4dc. I did all night wakings and they were a mixture of breast and bottle and when he was home it was still very much a 75%/25% split to me. Now he does have them eow but obviously i have the lions share, he likes to waffle on about how much he loves them and misses them but he never asks how they are either mentally or physically and the eldest has just been diagnosed with ptsd and is under camhs, he is as he has always been since they were born, oblivious and uninterested!

user1493413286 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:11:02

I’m really trying to get to the place of it being 50/50 but often I seem to end up doing a lot particularly stuff like preparing her meals as I found it was quicker than explaining to him. However now I will actively say to him you need to do this or that or I’ll go into another room which leaves him having to do it.

DollyTots Fri 09-Feb-18 11:23:28

My DH makes our DD bottle in the morning (I still feed her it) and that's as far as his responsibility for her goes. He'll do the odd nappy on the weekend if I ask and will do her toenails if I ask because she won't let me. He's one of those that hides behind a jobs list at home. We had the chat so many times about him watching our daughter whilst I do housework instead but it never happens. On a weekend if I ask for help I generally get the response 'how do you do it in the week when I'm working' but obviously I can't complain because he earns all the money and does a lot of housework.

buckyou Fri 09-Feb-18 11:28:40

DP is not that helpful at night but spends nearly all his free time with us.

happymummy12345 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:30:19

Dh always helped as much as he could when he wasn't at work. When he got in from work he would take the baby for a while, so I could have a bit of time. And he'd feed him when he was there in the evenings. On his days off it was more balanced, because he was there.
Even now he likes to do things with ds on his days off, because he works such long hours now so doesn't see him as much as he'd like

mindutopia Fri 09-Feb-18 14:00:51

Mine shares everything equally and always has. When I'm at home (I'm currently on mat leave #2, after a year of mat leave last time, then working part-time then full-time work for several years between babies), I do everything obviously during the day. This includes all the childcare during the day, some cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, some (but not all) of the school runs, meal planning and food shopping. My dh still does some of the school runs because he likes to and he wants to be involved in dd's school life (he also attends all school activities, parents evenings, etc.), so he probably does 2 morning school runs a week and I usually do the afternoon ones unless I have an appt or something.

When he's not working, it's completely shared. He helps with homework (I do most of it though as I do afternoons at home) and does the washing up and usually a degree of cleaning and tidying before dinner. I cook dinner while he has one on one time with dc. He does bathtime and we split bedtime. Neither of us has any regularly scheduled time away from the family (like no one has a hobby or a sport they play 3 nights a week, etc.). We each occasionally plan time for an evening out or night/weekend away with friends (when we don't have a small baby) a few times a year or a day to go do something for ourselves, but it's sporadic and we plan it so it doesn't burden the other too much. My dh usually has a few weekends a year he goes away to see friends (none of them live close enough anymore to just go see them for a meal or the day). I personally take a weekend a year to myself to go do whatever I want (last year I went to Barcelona for 3 days alone, it was bliss). Especially when I'm working, we both have busy professional lives (I often have a long commute, my dh is self employed so often needs to work a bit extra in the evening after bedtime and some weekends), so when we aren't working, we spend our time together and it's very equal. No one really gets 'free time' to the detriment of the other and that's how it's always been.

NerrSnerr Fri 09-Feb-18 14:05:08

I’m exclusively breastfeeding so do all the night feeding for the baby, he will get up with the 3 year old if she wakes. In the daytime when he’s home (I’m still on mat leave) it’s about 50-50.

wowbutter Fri 09-Feb-18 14:07:56

We are expecting dc2 so this are a bit screwed at the moment.
DH gets home at six and does bath and bedtime all by himself, as I am the size of a whale and miserable. He also does the occasional night waking that comes with a four year old who normally sleeps through.
Plan for new baby is that we will do bedtime together every night, and then do a night each. What we did with the first dc is that I held the fort until eleven, he then took over and I then got up at five. He did odd shifts though so slept until mid morning and wasn't home until late.
He falls asleep in thirty seconds, regardless, it takes me an hour. So he feels it's fairer for him to be woken as he gets more sleep overall that's me. Which I agree with.
I do far more managing though, cleaning, putting clothes out, organising milk and meals etc. If he had the wean absolutely sod all got done aside from the basics. But, I got to sleep at night, and for me, that's worth more!
DH also works full time, out the house forty seven hours a week.

Countingsheeeep Fri 09-Feb-18 14:14:42

When dh isn't at work, it's pretty much 50/50.

He rarely has DD completely alone, but that's through my choice, as if he isn't working I like to spend time as a family together.

DD is ff and dh has also done his fair share be of night feeds once she was waking less. In the early weeks it was all me, but once down to 1-2 a night (at around 8months) we would take it in turns, 1 night on 1 night off.

Johnnycomelately1 Fri 09-Feb-18 14:25:43

My DH was not the best with ds as a baby. It took him a while to recalibrate and realise that weekends and holidays are no longer relaxing. He was also pretty terrified of him. However, I didn’t let him get away with it so it’s now pretty 50/50 at weekends albeit we tag team a lot and also are of the ‘benign neglect’ school of parenting so dc expected to entertain themselves when we’re at home ( 7&5).

I do think it helps to be surrounded my like-minded families as well so that it’s just as likely to be the dad’s meeting up at the park at the weekend as the mums.

rollingonariver Fri 09-Feb-18 14:46:23

I work part time and DP works full time. DP does half (if not more) of everything when we are both at home. In honesty I probably do more cleaning but I'm at home more and have a slightly higher standard but he will cook and clean as well. He definitely does more for our DD when he's home tbh, if she needs anything he does it.

ArgosTheDog Fri 09-Feb-18 14:48:29

I do 90% because DH decided he wanted to live in another house during the week so that he could walk to workconfused

Chienrouge Fri 09-Feb-18 14:49:33

When he’s not at work I’d say DH does about 70%.

Alex3101 Fri 09-Feb-18 14:59:33

With DS1 we split night feeds, DH put him to bed and got up with him in the morning.
When I returned to work DH took him to my parents and Ickes him up, cooked and put him to bed. He takes him swimming, goes running with him.
We are doing the same with DS2 except I'm on mat leave so do a bit more.
DH also cooks most meals, does the shopping and most of the washing.
I work long hours inc nights and weekends so he does all the childcare then.

Kingsclerelass Fri 09-Feb-18 15:02:06

Until I left dp, virtually nothing. Now, 9.30-6.00 most Sundays.

Bizarre that I had to leave him to get him to spend any time with his son.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer Fri 09-Feb-18 15:11:10

Dh has dd three days a week while I am at home. I do all baths and bedtimes. This is mainly due to his working pattern but also because she settles easier for me.
When he is home, dh does tea while I put dd to bed.
When she was little I did all night feeds but that was because I couldn’t settle if I knew that dd was up. Dh gets up with her if needed at night now but only once I’ve kicked him as he sleeps through her screaming through the monitor.

When we are home together, it’s about 50/50. Generally he will do one thing while I do another to save time.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer Fri 09-Feb-18 15:11:54

While I am at work not home.

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