Toddler hitting - help!(7 Posts)
My nearly 2 year hold has recently developed the behaviour of hitting, mainly other children!
It started off just if another child had a toy he wanted or tried to take his toy etc he would hit them. But now he just seems to hit other children randomly whenever he comes across them!
Just come back from a soft play, had to leave early as it was a nightmare, he made 4 other children cry! It's making going anywhere like soft play or playgroups impossible, so embarrassing and I'm just constantly apologising.
Now I know this is normal toddler behaviour, but whatever I do doesn't seem to help. I try to calmly get down on his level and say no hitting, it hurts, we must be gentle etc, but he just doesn't seem to take it in.
To note I also have a 9 week old so makes chasing him round more difficult. Have also asked at his nursery but they said he's only done it a couple of times and it's normal toddler behaviour so they aren't too worried. How come he doesn't do it there!
Any help, suggestions from anyone who has dealt with the same would be greatly appreciated!
My daughter went through a similar phase but with biting. In the end one day I let her bite me. She bit me and I didn't say or do anything - just stared blankly. So she bit me again and I did a big fake yawn. She did it over and over again but got no reaction 7 times (it fucking hurt and I had bite marks for a week or so after). But she stopped biting. She was doing it for a reaction.
It may well be that your son enjoying the attention it brings, especially with the baby now here. I really hope he stops soon - I'm sure he will when he's got used to having a new baby around and is a bit older.
Ye I have thought is he playing up with the arrival of the baby and trying to get attention.
Thanks for the advice. I would try that, however he tries to hit baby sometimes too so I can't just let him do that obviously. I could try just ignoring him if he does it to me and my husband though.
I am really hoping it's just a phase and he will grow out of it quickly!
It's just hard work with a new baby to think about too
My son is nearly 2 and a half. He started hitting, pinching, biting and pulling hair on himself and others. At the time he wasn't mixing with children, so we thought it could be boredom, and perhaps frustration. (He was at a childminders when he was 1 and loved it). So we decided to let him to go to nursery a couple of days a week, and it's really helped.
In terms of what he was doing, we started off by saying "we like kind hands", or "it's not kind to bite or hit mummy/ daddy". In the end we realised that even though it was negative attention, it was still attention, so we started ignoring it. We simply moved away when he tried, and when he did it we didn't say a word. He stopped doing it when he realised it was no longer getting him attention.
I agree it is difficult though.
My DS was a pusher. He would take a dislike to another child and would often go right across the room to push them over! I cannot tell you how many times I left soft play or parties in tears because he had been pushing kids over constantly. I did wonder if it was a way of trying to get kids to play with him - strange way to go about it I know! I was just consistent in removing him from the room to calm down and then going back to apologise to the child and the parent (who was usually braying for my blood!).
By the time he was about 5, so it did take a couple of years, he just stopped. He is now 18 and a very gentle, considerate young man. Luckily my fears of him turning into a thug didn't materialise 😀
I'm sure it's just a phase. We did find that taking some of his favourite toys away from him for a couple of days seemed to work and then when he managed to go to the park or somewhere there were other children and he didn't push any of them over he would get his toy back.
Mine has only hit me or gone to a few times and I wasn't having any of it, I yelped loudly and then told her loudly and firmly that she does NOT hit, it's not nice and I DO NOT like it, it hurts. Then I'd walk off and do something else for a minute or two before returning and saying that we will play/ read/ do whatever but she wasn't to hit me ever again. We didn't have too much trouble after that but if she ever went to again I'd clap my hands loudly and say again firmly that she doesn't ever hit. She put her teeth round me once but I gasped and looked so shocked at her that she let go without clamping down and didn't try that again. I think the problem with ignoring it is that if they do it to another child you can't really not react and they'll then do it to other kids if it's for attention. If we had problems with hitting/ pushing/ snatching at soft play or wherever I'd again take her away, tell her very firmly not to do it and that if she did it again we'd leave. And then follow through. My dd wasn't particularly acting out of anger though, more testing the boundaries so it worked better than it would have done otherwise.
Maybe I will need to try a few things and see what works.
Thing is pp I have tried the loudly saying no we don't hit etc but I think he is too young to understand and he doesn't seem to take it in. Yesterday I took him out of the soft play and tried explaining you don't hit and if we go back in you are not to hit etc, but he just thrashed around until he escaped my grasp and went and did it again. But same as you he isn't doing it out of anger, he is happily playing and looks and me and wakes and says hello smiling as if he's having a great time, but then turns around and hits a child randomly.
Maybe it is frustration or boredom I don't know?!
Maybe I should try ignoring it as a couple of you have said and see if that work if he is just doing it for attention. Maybe as new baby has arrived he feels he's getting less attention.
Just don't want this to stop us going anywhere as he needs to get out and use energy and play! He seems to enjoy the play groups too so it's strange it's doesn't seem like he dislikes them or gets angry or anything.
Maybe when he can talk more it will be easier!
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