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DD scared of men

(14 Posts)
newmum2018385 Mon 05-Feb-18 17:45:44

My DD is nine months and since about 6/7 months has been scared of most men. She obviously isn't scared of DH but even with her uncles and sometimes one of her Grandads she will literally scream and cry when they give her attention or pick her up. If they ignore her she might be ok. One of her uncles my DH brother always tries picking her as he thinks this is the best way to improve it. However this causes her to become hysterical and I hate how distressed she becomes I actually think he could be making it worse.
Has anyone else had a similar issue? Any advice how to help her get use to men? Or is it a case of her growing out of it herself? Thanks

xamyrose Mon 05-Feb-18 17:54:28

My DD is 8 months and exactly the same... she used to SCREAM when a man even looked at her around Christmas time... I used to dread going to the shops in case a man would show her attention.

She’s a little better now... i always just say to people to give her a little time to sus you out before holding her (with women as well) And most of the time she’s ok!

JediStoleMyBike Mon 05-Feb-18 17:57:20

Same here! My 10 month old has for the past couple of months gone through a real phase of not liking men. She's slowly coming out of it now. Every man she's encountered has got straight in her face though and I've started asking people to come a little calmer and give her a chance to work them out. She seems to appreciate the opportunity to get used to them first and will then usually smile or wave.

Smurfy23 Mon 05-Feb-18 19:52:41

Dd has been like that with most men in her life- it seems to be the louder they are, the more sensitive she is. Its definitely worse if she is tired. I find it is usually better if theyre quiet at first and almost ignore her and let her get used to them then shes fine. She seems to have grown out of it with the people she sees regularly

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 07-Feb-18 02:10:03

TAke your baby out of the hands of people who make her cry. She has plenty of time in her life to learn that she must love men (do you think she must?!??)! Dont start forcing her into their arms at less than a year old for crying out loud.

Coyoacan Wed 07-Feb-18 05:18:19

Gosh, mine was the opposite she used to throw herself at men. She wasn't frightened of women per se, but she would not let any hold her, other than my mother or myself.

Cavender Wed 07-Feb-18 05:32:15

My friend’s baby was like this. She found it helped if the men were sitting down in the room before she brought the baby in. And she remained standing with the baby in her arms for a while until she settled.

Calm conversation and low voices also helped.

She wondered if it was something to do with their combined size/height/loudness which the baby translated instinctively as threatening...?

It was a phase and it passed soon enough.

I absolutely would not allow anyone to overrule me and pick up my child and make them hysterical though.

troodiedoo Wed 07-Feb-18 05:46:24

Both mine were like this, it's very common. Please don't force her to be upset. Your instinct is telling you it's wrong so protect her.

MistressDeeCee Wed 07-Feb-18 06:30:24

DD2 was the same. Just her way. When my elder DBs spoke to her she'd turn her face away immediately. She was like that with most men, even though those she met were family members.

I didn't fuss about it, and she grew out of it. If she's ever reminded she just laughs. She gets on extremely well with her uncles.

I wonder if it was because men tend to be talker, deeper voices etc in a family gathering they're heard the most. But I don't know.

DD2 is quieter than her sister. Not over-quiet, but happy not to be around people so much, doesn't like to feel bombarded. I've realised that over the years. Shes still like that aged 22. & it's fine, we all have our personalities. Maybe your little one is the same?

What I will say is my DBs were kind and loving to DD2, no fuss or questions re her little meltdowns. No insisting on holding her if she didn't want to be held. They were calm about it. What pp's are saying on thread makes good sense.

When I was little I'd scream and cry when I saw my godfather. When I grew up I realised it was due to him being a big tall man, big face, big hair. Maybe I saw 'monster'😁. But he's lovely, like my 2nd dad now. The minds of children...who knows

FrancesHaHa Wed 07-Feb-18 06:46:03

Mine was like this. Fine with anyone who looked similar to DP, like his brothers , but would cry if any other men came near her, including my family members. They just left her alone, and she grew out of it. She has great relationships with my male relatives now.

Kimwallis Wed 07-Feb-18 06:48:57

My daughter was like that at that age too. With her uncles and papa and they used to find it a bit upsetting. It past within a few months and now her favourite people are her uncles and she is very close to her papa.

tearsbybedtime Wed 07-Feb-18 07:02:30

Tell the uncle to piss off! How dare he pick her up ! That will NOT help , you are her voice, don't let that happen again, you are in charge remember

LadyRenoir Thu 08-Feb-18 16:32:40

I used to be scared of men when little- I remember my granddads uncle would come over, and I would hide in the closet not to see him. No idea why!

newmum2018385 Thu 08-Feb-18 16:47:16

Thank you everyone for your replies. You are all right it did feel wrong. I sometimes question myself as if I'm too soft. I must trust my instincts more.

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