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How does anyone get anywhere with a young baby?!

(17 Posts)
Lemondrop99 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:26:09

My DS is 3.5 months old. When he was younger I could chuck him in the sling and head off anywhere and he's just snuggle up and snooze away. Since about 10 weeks old, DS started to wake up and the sling has got a bit hit and miss.

He doesn't nap well on the go, 20 mins max in pram. He gets utterly hysterical when overtired, so I've ended up prioritising his sleep and doing my best so he gets good naps in his crib.

He can only stay awake 2 hours max, so by the time I've got him up, fed him, got out, we only seem to get half an hour anywhere before I have to try and get him home again for a nap!

I've tried to just go out regardless but he doesn't sleep well and I end up paying with a screaming baby, so going out isn't fun anyway.

I've repeatedly failed to get him to classes (baby sensory etc) that I've paid for because he's refused to nap and then napped at the time we need to leave! So we end up just staying home a lot. I had hoped to get out and meet other mum's but it's not really happening.

I'm sort of hoping that once I get a napping routine sorted out for him, we can donthe morning or afternoon nap on the go (as shorter should be ok if he can do a good lunch nap) and we might start getting places. But none of the class times seem to fit well and overlap with when he wants to nap.

Do I just embrace it until DS is a bit older or is there something I can be doing to make getting out and about easier?

Discusting Tue 23-Jan-18 18:27:59

It all depends on what you want to do. I couldn’t bare to stay in the house so we went out, regardless of whether he napped or not. He slept in the car or pushchair if our. If we was asleep when we arrived at a class I woke him. Some would do it completely differently though.

AllTheGoodOnesAreUnavailable Tue 23-Jan-18 18:33:18

I started going to stay and play groups when my DD was that age.
They always seemed to start when she was due a nap but we went anyway and when she got tired I would just rock her to sleep there and let her sleep on my chest/car seat/pram while I chatted with other moms.
When they're that age the groups are for your benefit not theirs, the moms where will be used to crying babies so you may as well give it a go.

Does he have a dummy or something that soothes him that you could take with you?

TwinkleTee Tue 23-Jan-18 18:42:26

Depends if you want to get just anywhere or if you would like to get to a specific place at a specific time!

We would just get a nap routine sorted out and get to some baby activities, when DD would drop a nap or change her own schedule. So frustrating! I feel your pain..

Lemondrop99 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:45:41

He doesn't fall asleep in arms so wouldn't nap on me. I could possibly get him down in the pram but he often wakes up very quickly.

It's no the noise from crying that bothers me, I just hate seeing him so upset. When I say hysterical from being tired, I mean he screams, goes purple, arches back, sweats. It's horrible, and if he gets too far gone, it's almost impossible to bring him back. I went out with a friend the other day and missed his nap window (he slept in the pram but woke up within 10 mins). He screamed at me for 2 hours solid 😕 He likes to be in the dark, in his crib, with white noise.

He had a dummy but we've literally just ditched it this week after it started impacting negatively on his sleep (he's started pulling it out numerous times in a row and getting really distressed about it).

I miss the days he'd sleep reliably in the sling 😞 I went out a few weeks ago and he slept on the bus on the way there but when I got off, he woke up abruptly and absolutely lost it. I took him out, tried to calm him, he refused to feed. In the end, I ended up just coming straight back home. I've been too scared to go any distance with the sling since then.

Lemondrop99 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:47:20

Yes Twinkle, set times are the worst! I've actually decided not to sign up for any more classes until he's a bit older and to research drop in sessions in the area, to take the pressure off.

Mol1628 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:53:15

My first baby was like this, just needed to be home or he wouldn’t nap. It was very restricting. I never bothered with structured classes till he was two. In fact I didn’t really leave the house much apart from for myself, so shops, visiting friends etc.
My second was far easier. He’d sleep in the pram for 3 hours sometimes. Right through toddler groups.

Unfortunately some babies are just harder! It will get easier though.

BayLeaves Tue 23-Jan-18 18:55:00

Has your sling got a sleep hood? In my experience (I have had two shit sleepers) babies’ daytime sleep gets worse around 3 months as they suddenly become so aware of the world and so easily distracted. 3-6 months was a very difficult time for me as my baby would only nap in the sling but he was very easily woken up. At around 6 months I gave up on trying to get him to nap in the crib and I now feed him to sleep in the middle of my bed and he has his naps there. He’s now 8 months old and can stay awake about 3-4 hours if he has to. It does get easier.

If he’s your first, honestly I’d just Hübner down and enjoy being snuggled up warm at home. Forget about all those groups like baby sensory etc which are not really necessary for baby (unless you really need them for your own social life). By the time the weather gets warmer for nice days out your baby will be that much older and the window of happy awakeness gets longer smile

BayLeaves Tue 23-Jan-18 18:56:25

Hübner?! I meant hunker down! My autocorrect suggests really odd things ever since I added the German dictionary hmm

Lemondrop99 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:56:35

Thanks Mol. I mean, on one hand, I'd like to be getting out a bit more. But I'm not going stir crazy at home (mostly!). Going out gets so stressful that it's much easier to stay home and DS is happier. But I keep getting told it's not good, I need to get out etc, but I don't think anyone really understands when I explain the issues around his sleep. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong that I can't manage to get anywhere and have a happy baby at the same time 😕

Mol1628 Tue 23-Jan-18 18:59:36

It’s fine to stay in! In contrast when my baby turned two he needed to get out every day so we went to a group every day.

I often wondered what I did wrong when I’d see parents with babies sleeping in the pram or chilled out playing at baby classes (mine was usually over tired and screaming too). But my second was just the total opposite. I doubt very much it’s anything you’ve done xx

pastabest Tue 23-Jan-18 19:00:09

I remember this stage as the worst stage.

I started going to baby sensory at about 4 months old and even then it was pointless. DD just napped, cried or fed through it. Once she hit 5 months she suddenly started to get more interested in it.

I second finding a good fairly unstructured playgroup to go to, they are usually free for babies under 6 months and all you have to pay for is a tea or coffee which is usually about a quid. You get to sit and chat commiserate with other mums and as the baby gets older they can start joining in. Because they are usually for a couple of hours you can turn up late and leave early as suits you and the baby.

Lemondrop99 Tue 23-Jan-18 19:08:03

Thanks all, this has made me a bit better. I'm definitely going to ditch the schedule for now, prioritise trying to get his naps sorted and look into ad hoc activities which are very close to home which I can go to opportunistically. I do wish I'd had the chance to meet a few mums in the area first though, so I could at least invite them around for a cup of tea! I have a few NCT friends though, so not totally without other mum friends.

Mummybo8 Tue 23-Jan-18 19:23:18

I have a baby just like this. She’s nearly 20 months now but she sleeps a lot. At 6 months she’d only stay up for 1.5 hours max at a time. She never (and I mean never) falls asleep in my arms or in the pushchair. She needs her bed and her soft toy, then she sucks her thumb and drifts off. It has really affected me taking her to baby classes. She wakes at 7.30, goes to bed at 10am until lunch time, then she’ll be awake until about 2pm, then she’ll have a nap for about an hour and then she goes to bed at 6.30. I have an older child so she gets interaction with her and we’re often out as about in the day but most of the baby classes around here are in the mornings and she just doesn’t enjoy them because she wants her bed.

Definitely don’t feel guilty about him missing out. I guilt tripped myself about that for a while but then I realised, I’m doing the best I can and she’s a happy child. That’s what counts.

BayLeaves Tue 23-Jan-18 21:53:55

I didn’t make many “mum friends” in the first year, don’t worry it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be lonely forever! You can meet more mums at toddler groups etc when they’re older. Sometimes it’s easier to make friends when they’re about 2 years old as you’ve got out of that baby brain fog and you tend to have more things to talk about, plus more excuses for organising play dates, days out etc, whereas when they’re babies you can’t really use them as an excuse to meet up as much grin

Atticusss Tue 23-Jan-18 22:08:59

Oh gosh, don't take him out and wake him up for classes. I hate seeing little tiny babies heading to expensive classes fast asleep knowing they are in for a rude awakening. He's still so little.

All babies are different and need different naps, my first I can't really remember, my second had naps as and when on me and I didn't have to stay in for them, she was fine if she skipped them. My third is 13 months now and has always liked a decent morning nap when most of the classes are. Then as time went on instead of dropping his morning nap like most older babies he dropped his afternoon one. It's been quite boring at times with me wishing I could take him to more things especially as his sisters are in school so I have the time for it, but I know he doesn't need it for stimulation/development and it would come in time.

In the last month I've managed to get his nap from 9am is to 11am ish if we go pit and he is distracted which means we can go to the early baby classes at children's centres which often start at 9am and are free. We also found a drop in NCT group which is 1-3pm so we make that too most weeks.

My advice is keep looking round to see if you can find anything that works. Write out a big list/blackboard of everything so if you find yourself with a few hours after a nap you can drop in to something. But otherwise it really doesn't matter yet and it doesn't last long even if you are at home for the next year or more. If you are lonely try meeting other local mums on Facebook groups or Mush and seeing if you can set up baby and coffee play dates at home at a time to suit you. Have a look and see if there are Parent and baby cinema screenings for you to enjoy. Try swimming even if you miss the aqua Tots sessions. Let him have his naps at home and save all the activities for when he is a toddler.

Clankboing Tue 23-Jan-18 22:23:03

I found that I realised that anything with a definite start time was impossible. I could go to the local soft play or swimming - both open all day. And when they were older - to the park. Regardless of sleep I could not make it to anywhere on time. If it was dd on her own I could as she was an easy baby. But I had 3 others who all sound similar to your ds.

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